Dear Slutty Girl Problems,

My boyfriend and I want to have a threesome, but we have no idea how to go about finding a willing participant! The friend we were interested in has made it clear she’s not into it, and we don’t know how to approach strangers with this offer.

We’ve had friends who made couple tinder accounts, and they were successful, but we’re teachers and we have to be ever careful about what ends up on the internet and the sharing of our photographs.

Please help!
Teachers Ready to be Students

Dear Teachers Ready to be Students,

You’re in luck! Threesomes are on the rise. A 2013 survey by Metropolitan Report found 20 percent reported having a threesome at least once, up from 14 percent in an ABC American Sex Survey in 2004. You’re very on trend.

Still, anything outside penis-vagina, once-a-week, married sex is still considered taboo by some people, and it’s totally understandable that you two want to maintain your reputation as upstanding pillars of the community. While there is no way to guarantee that you won’t be outed as sexual deviants and branded with a scarlet 3, there are some things you can do to mitigate your risk.

Just like Seamless for Chinese food or Uber for cabs, there are apps designed to find you a third without leaving your couch. Instead of mingling with all the basic bitches on Tinder, you could try 3nder, which is an app specifically for people looking for threeways. You’re more likely to be amongst a less judgey community, and less likely run in to someone whose own sexual proclivities are so 2000-and-late. You could also go the Craiglist route, but at least with an app, you can assume they’ve got access to a smartphone and not just the computer at the public library.

Of course, all the best practices of the sex in the digital age still apply. Keep your face, identifiable tattoos and unique style of home decor out of any naked photos. Do your due diligence asking about safe sex practices and testing. Be clear about what you’re looking for, your boundaries and what you expect. It’s OK if you take your time with prospective partners, explain your need for discretion and only proceed if you feel comfortable. Just like finding someone to bring home IRL, take the time to feel ‘em out before you let ‘em feel you up.

Don’t forget the condoms. We love Durex’s Extra Sensitive line.

Communication is key, and that applies to your partner as well. Agreeing you want a threesome is great, but we can’t stress enough the importance of really discussing it before, during and after. Before you break out the guest towels, make sure you’re aligned on what you want of out this, what you’re definitely not OK with, what you’re nervous about, etc. In the throes of triple passion it’s easy to get distracted, so be sure to pay extra care that your partner is having a good time during the romp. And don’t forget to close-out after by reviewing what went down once your very special guest departs. Reliving the experience might even get the two of you all hot and bothered all over again.

Written by Bobby Hankinson of Awkward Sex and the City.

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