It’s that time of year again – that amazing time of year when we don funny costumes and get wasted. Or at least, that’s how most of us spend Halloween in the “too old for candy, too young/poor/unininterested to have kids” age group. If you’re anything like me, you probably spend at least all of September, if not most of the months leading up to it, planning your perfect Halloween get-up, followed by an October of scrambling to get it together. Whether throwing together your ghost costume took all of two minutes or you spent an entire month bedazzling your rhinestone cowgirl outfit, you’re probably going to enjoy the hell out of Halloween. But what does your costume and the quality of it have to say about you?
An Animal
Examples: Tiger, lion, bunny rabbit, unicorn
As witnessed in Mean Girls, an animal is a popular costume for plenty of ladies. It’s easy, fun, playful, and certainly not hard to make sexy! True, it’s probably going to be difficult to make a crab or an ostrich hot, but if you’re going with your typical animal outfit of cat, wild and big or small and cuddly, you’re more than likely going to look adorable and fierce.
What it means: If you’re dressing up as an animal this Halloween, you’re probably not the most creative person, but you’re fierce and sexual.
How you’ll spend Halloween: You’ll find Animal Girl at a Halloween rager, knocking back shots of Fireball and making out with the nearest hottie. She might end up drunk yelling at someone before the night is through.
Disney
Examples: Belle, Elsa, Jasmine, Tinkerbell
This goes for any sort of variation of a classic children’s book or family film character. A lot of times, people tend to bring “sexy” into their princess ensemble, but sometimes a full, cosplay style dress is broken out. Regardless of your take on your favorite Disney character, it’s a popular costume that takes either creativity and planning or a wallet thick enough of raid the nearest Halloween store. (Why are those costumes so darn expensive?)
What it means: You have all of the best qualities of a child and some of the worst. You’re playful and adorable and just want to look pretty, but you might have a bratty side, too. You’re definitely one of those girls who still wants to be a princess at the age of twenty-five and if you don’t have a Pinterest board detailing your dream wedding, then that’s just because you’re too busy coloring in your Disney princess coloring book to really get one going.
How you’ll spend Halloween: Sexy Cinderella is going to spend Halloween grinding on some random at the bar. Cosplay Cinderella will probably take her little cousins out trick-or-treating, then watch Hocus Pocus with her friends.
Group Costume
Examples: The Spice Girls, Lucky Charms, Care Bears, Mean Girls cast
The group costume is fun but such a hassle to get together. If you’re including more than four people in your entourage this Halloween, you’ll probably need someone to elect themselves as group president and do most of the planning, shopping, and crafting. Then again, if you guys have your shit together, get ready for some fun nights in of sewing and snipping (and sipping) throughout October to get ready for the big day!
What it means: You love your friends, duh! If you came up with the costume idea then you’re the creative one in your friend group. But you already knew that, didn’t you?
How you’ll spend Halloween: With your besties, of course! Let’s just hope you’re not the sober one who has to drive the entire cast of The Breakfast Club home once the night’s over.
Couple Costume
Examples: Bugs & Lola Bunny, Brangelina, Gatsby & Daisy, Peanut Butter & Jelly
Ah, the couple costume. Sometimes saved for the very best of friends, it’s usually shared by two lovers. It’s the perfect excuse to get clever while making everyone else jealous over how perfect the two of you look together. Either you’re that goofy couple dressed up as a socket and a plug or you’re that gorgeous pair that perfectly emulates Kim and Kanye. Whatever the case, everyone both wants to be you and wants you to leave the party so they stop feeling bad about being single.
What it means: You love your significant other, duh! Maybe you’re usually single and want to finally celebrate Halloween with your lover, or maybe you just have a really creative idea that requires a date to express. Either way, you’re in love (or love your best friend a whole, whole lot.)
How you’ll spend Halloween: You and your partner will probably leave the party early, and your friends will complain about how you used to be cool when you were single without quite dissing your partner. It’s okay, though, because once you get home you’ll have some really hot roleplay sex. Or maybe weird roleplay sex, depending on your costume. Whatever. You guys are adorbs.
DIY
You made it at home, and you may or may not have used Pinterest for inspiration. You either saved a ton of money or spent way more than you would have if you’d just bought the costume, but you’re acting like you saved a lot of money anyway. Regardless, you look awesome, and you are so proud that you put this costume together yourself!
What it means: You’re creative, fun, and a planner!
How you’ll spend Halloween: At first you’ll run to the bathroom to sew back on every single sequin you shed, but by the end of the night you’ll be rocking it like the hot mess you are. Whether your costume falls apart in the first hour or makes it through more than one party unscathed, everyone is secretly (or not so secretly) jealous of your skills!
Store Bought
You headed to the nearest Halloween store, slapped your money on the counter, and went on your merry way. All you had to worry about now was hair and make up – and hey, maybe you bought a wig and kit at the store for that, too.
What it means: You’re either not very skilled with arts and crafts or waited until the last minute. Or you saw the perfect costume in stores and knew you couldn’t recreate it on your own. The only problem is, you’ve really got to rock it, because 80 other girls will have the exact same thing on.
How you’ll spend Halloween: Probably at your first college Halloween party grinding on some gross frat dude like every other Slutty Snow White out there – but hey, we’ve all been Slutty Snow White, and we’ve also all been jealous of her. So go for it, girl!
Lazy
Either you forgot Halloween was coming up (how?!) or you just didn’t care. Either way, you can’t sit with us!!
What it means: Ugh, I can’t even associate with you.
How you’ll spend Halloween: Being that person at the party who things they’re so cool for not wearing a costume. Your friends still love you anyway, though, so they’ll forgive your lazy ass and take shots with you. No candy for you, though!
Cute
Examples: Toddlers & Tiaras, Hello Kitty, a minion, a princess
Maybe you made your own tutu. Maybe you pulled out that sparkly pink tiara you wore to your 21st birthday dinner. Whatever the case, there’s a lot of glitter and pink going on, and you couldn’t be happier about it. You look adorable and you feel adorable. That’s because you are adorable.
What it means: You probably wore a princess gown to your prom and have planned your perfect engagement ring. Maybe you share minion memes on Facebook.
How you’ll spend Halloween: Taking lots of photos with all of your friends. You look damn cute, and you will take anyone and everyone up on a photo op!
Scary
Examples: Zombie, horror movie villain, skeleton, something bloody and gory
If you dress up as something scary for Halloween, then chances are you’ve always enjoyed the holiday for reasons that aren’t strictly candy related. Ghouls, ghosts, scary movies – they’re all up your alley. This is your favorite time of the year to celebrate!
What it means: You’re pretty close to fearless, or at least you enjoy facing your fears. Chances are, you’re handy with a make up kit, or at least know someone who is.
How you’ll spend Halloween: You’ll be that one person at the party who isn’t drinking because you can’t risk ruining your frightful make up or dropping your fake teeth in your glass of jungle juice. You might choose to just stay home, hand out candy, and terrify a few kiddies! That person on your block who makes a haunted house every year? Yeah, that’s gonna be you one day, if it isn’t already.
Sexy
Examples: Playboy Bunny, Victoria’s Secret model, “slutty” witch/nurse/whatever occupation, schoolgirl
If you enjoy flaunting your sexuality, hopefully you do that all year, but Halloween is the one day of the year you can get away with doing so without facing scorn from society. Costumes are freeing because they allow us to explore a side of our personalities we aren’t always in touch with. So if you choose to opt for less costume and more fabulous this year – go on with your bad self!
What it means: Maybe you’re usually conservative and you’re trying on “slutty” and “sexy” with the rest of your costume. Maybe you always like baring it all. Likely, you fall somewhere in between on the spectrum of sensuality and are just excited to get out there and party your ass off in the hottest costume possible. If you’re not trying to get laid tonight, then you’re just trying to feel confident in your own body. Either way, go you!
How you’ll spend Halloween: Feeling totally empowered and sexy! If you’re trying to hook up with someone, you’ll likely at least get a solid make out session going, and you’re bound to look fabulous in all of your Snapchat selfies.
Funny
Examples: I refuse to give you any. If you’re truly hilarious, you have to come up with this awesome idea yourself.
It’s hard enough to come up with a costume idea, let alone a creatively hilarious one. The same common funny costumes (think plug and socket) are overdone. To be truly funny in 2015, you’ve got to go all out and come up with your own idea. Group costumes add to the hilarity and are a great way to be hysterical but also feel like a member of a party if you’re shy. If you come up with a great idea and rock it solo, prepare to be in plenty of pictures throughout the course of the weekend.
What it means: With the exception of those who rock the group funny costume (they like to stand out within a group), funny costume people like to be the center of attention. Either you have a fabulous sense of humor or you think you do. Maybe both. Regardless, you’ll definitely be the star at the party and people will remember your costume for years to come.
How you’ll spend Halloween: Posing in a lot of photos and possibly getting ridiculously drunk. The funny girl and the blacked out girl are often the same person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re a happy drunk, and alcohol only adds to how hysterical you are. (Even if it’s only in your own head.)
Nerdy
Examples: Princess Leia, Batgirl, Katniss Everdeen, Starfire
In 2015, it’s definitely cool to be nerdy. Maybe you’ve been a nerd since before the hipsters decided that being a geek was cool before it was cool. Whenever your obsession with fandom began, it doesn’t matter. You still embrace your inner fangirl, especially on Halloween. Whether you’re rocking a blonde wig as Daenerys Targaryen or waving your wand as Hermione Granger or creating havoc as Harley Quinn, this Halloween you have plans to let your nerd flag fly.
What it means: You’re an amazing nerd, duh! You’re passionate about your favorite obsession, whether it’s Marvel, Game of Thrones, or your favorite YouTube channel. Everyone already knows about your geekery, so no one will judge you for celebrating it. And hey, even if they do, you think sharing your passion is cool, which it totally is!
How you’ll spend Halloween: Feeling like a million bucks because you’re dressed as your favorite character. In all likelihood, at least one person will run up to you and tell you how much they love your costume and how Sansa Stark is totally their misunderstood favorite too. (Unleash your discussion about how Sansa-haters harbor internalized misogyny. You got this, girl.)
Glamorous
Examples: Princess, flapper, your favorite A-lister, Holly Golightly
If diamonds are a girl’s BFF, then rhinestones are her S4L. You love boas, gems, and anything sparkly, and you’ve taken this Halloween to dress up as the royalty you surely were meant to be. You’ll spend hours on your make up and hair and it’ll be worth it. You’ll look absolutely gorgeous in every single Insta photo this weekend!
What it means: You wear a tiara every chance you can, and certainly on your birthday. You insist that you were meant to be a Disney princess. Pink is probably your favorite color and you definitely opt for sequins and sparkles as often as you can. You feel most comfortable in a dress, and that has nothing to do with your hatred of pants.
How you’ll spend Halloween: Taking selfies that you’ll share on social media for weeks to come. This is your night to rock your look, so go for it!
Unique
Examples: Just like “funny,” if I tell you, it defeats the purpose.
Whether you’re putting a crazy spin on a traditional costume with your amazing make up skills or rocking a completely unique idea, you want to look flawless and stand out this Halloween. Halloween if your favorite holiday because you (or your best friend) are amazing at DIY and you always have a spot-on, creative costume. So pull out those make-up brushes and head to your nearest fabric store. You’re going to look badass and beautiful this Halloween. (Or scary, if that’s what you’re going for.)
What it means: Either you’re super creative or your best friend is a make up artist and you have no problem mooching off of her for her skillz. You love Halloween and everyone loves looking at your model-esque pics on social media, even if they talk about you behind your back and call you a fake model. (Forget the haters.)
How you’ll spend Halloween: Posting how-tos on Instagram and replying to all of your Facebook comments. You look great and deserve the attention!
Overall
Halloween is super fun, whether you’re a child or a grown up – or if you’re a bit of both. Whether you’re staying home this year, trick-or-treating with family, or hitting up a rager, dressing up is such an expression of self. A costume is meant to be a disguise. But instead of pulling out an alter ego this year, consider how to show off your great personality with a costume that screams “you” instead of “Boo!”
