If you think you have a solution to this problem, I am open to all solutions. And if anyone knows of a good book/youtube video that could help her, that would fantastic. But I’m also asking is, is this relationship doomed if this problem is not solved? I really love this girl, and am thinking about proposing soon, but I don’t know if I can remain physically attracted to her and enjoy our sex if this continues. She is basically the exact opposite of all my Ex’s.
So I [26M] have this wonderful SO [26F], who I could easily see myself marrying in the next couple of years, but she’s like a robot in bed (she takes direction but doesn’t initiate anything).
Right now I have the perfect girl to raise kids with, bring home to the family (all of whom think she is fantastic), to spend time with, talk with. But there is so much lacking in the bedroom (it’s hard to see our sexual relationship lasting the length of a marriage while also being pleasurable). Basically I have the “Lady in the Streets” but no “Freak in the Sheets,” and I want is for her to “rock my world” from time to time.
Back story: I’m a very experienced guy and have had many more partners than my gf. She is very self-conscious and won’t even initiate sex, let alone take charge or even talk dirty. Honestly, it makes it hard to climax, which is starting to become a more frequent problem. I’ve addressed this issue with her in a few different ways (telling her that my body is hers and she can have it whenever/where-ever she pleases, giving her direction, telling her that I am completely devoted to her and that she really can’t go wrong if she tries anything new in the bedroom). She simply can’t or won’t do the things I’d like her to do.
And BEFORE you jump down my throat with the “don’t ask her to do anything she is uncomforable with” line, I’m not asking much, or at least I don’t think asking her to initiate sex and take charge during sex are things that one should feel uncomfortable doing.
All I want, is for her to jump on top of me from time to time and not wait for me to take her clothes off or put her hand down my pants. I want her to take charge from time to time and tell me what to do and where to cum and when to cum. These things either never happen (the former) or I have to ask for them (the latter, and the times she just does do it in a way that makes it lose any of it’s “sexiness”).
The following is not bragging, though I am proud, but I am including it for completeness. I can go all night, I try really hard and make sure she has more orgasms than me and I make sure that she has them before I have mine (it is important to me that she be satisfied and I’d feel like I was using her if I did not). I love giving her oral pleasure and she is pretty good at it too. But never once has she initiated sex in our entire relationship and never once has she done anything sexual without me prompting her to do so. If I don’t initiate sex, sex does not happen (I have experimented with this).
So what do you think?
Hey,
The solution to many relationship problems is communication. It sounds like you’ve talked to her a bit about what you’re looking for and how you feel already. Have you had a real conversation about this, outside of the bedroom as well, or do you just give her suggestions during? It’s also important to talk about what she’s looking for. Clearly you’re not satisfied with your sexual dynamic, but is she? Ask her what she wants or what new things she’d love for you to try together. When she’s getting what she needs out of sex, she’ll be more willing to please you as well. That being said, some people just aren’t sexually compatible. If at the end of the day, the chemistry is just never going to be there – you’ll have to decide how important good sex is to you. Does it make or break the relationship? Or is it something you can live without? Beyond that, the only other alternative I can suggest is discussing the possibility of opening up your relationship. Open relationships are not feasible for every couple, but for other couples, they’re amazing. If you think an open relationship is something your lady may consider, try bringing it up. However, if you know that suggesting something along these lines wouldn’t go over well with your partner – tread carefully!
You should suggest trieing other unknown sexual positions embed and see which one she’s more comfortable with and its use more comfortable with the new unknown sexual position that should be more than willing to satisfy you in the way that you want cause you’re satisfying her and the way to she wants it’s a give and take in a relationship outside the bedroom and in the bedroom! I hope my answer helps you and your girl out.
As Jazmin said. make sure you are sexually compatible…BUT, I have been w/ my sweetie 13 years and we are NOT totally compatible…I WANT it more than he does…much more and I struggle w/ when and how to show him my real tigress w/out scaring the hell out of him.
That being said..by her a good vibrator..I love my Lelo…Mine is 10 years old or more..and there are more interesting ones out there now…Yes, I know, expensive but, as I said..had mine 10 years or more and NO Batteries..nice AC charge.
or check out the WeVibe4Plus….for couples. Sit her down over a bottle of wine or nice green stuff (preferable) and talk about it. Ask her if she’s open to a new journey. Put your hands on her, caress her legs, shoulders..whatever she likes to help her relax…Help her place the WeVibe, or help her use the vibrator you bought her..use a lot, a lot of patience..and MAKE IT ALL BOUT her…let her relax and cum….and do not expect anything in return.
That would turn me on!!
Maybe, it will open up your new door(s).
m