Slutty Girl Problems

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BDSM Basics with Raven Hart

10/05

Are you new to BDSM? Want to introduce BDSM to your partner? Wondering what to wear to your first play party? Or how to stay safe during more intense play? Porn star and professional dominatrix Raven Hart is here to answer your BDSM questions! Check out her expert answers below, submit your own questions to Raven Hart, and stay tuned for her next advice segment…

 

Hi! I recently married the absolute love of my life. The very first time we had sex, he was very controlling and dominant. He told me how to lay, how to move, and promised me that if I was a good girl and always did as he said, he would always make me feel incredible. That was exactly what I wanted, but that was the only time. Like, I can’t even believe that was the same person as I’m married to now!

I have given suggestions, hints, and sent him articles – but he has no desire to be rough with me now. Now I’m just bored and don’t know what to do. He is so good to me and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but gaaaaaaa, I’m bored! Help!

Hello there Bored and Frustrated,

Men are not mind readers, and neither are women. One of the biggest relationship problems is a lack of communication. Even though you think you are dropping him hints, and have sent him articles, he’s clearly not getting the message.

I would suggest setting up a date night, where you dress up sexy in whatever turns him on. Then, tell him specifically how much you love when he is dominating, how much it turns you on, and the specific things he’s done that you love. Give him details, and really let him know just how much you enjoy this. That should shout out the message loud and clear.

Talk to him about your desires openly and honestly, and see what’s preventing him from acting on it. Is he nervous about hurting you? Did he have liquid courage before, but feels shy now? Open up those lines of communication to see what’s going on. Here’s SGP’s guide on how to talk about your kinks in five steps.

 

I’m new to BDSM, and I have no idea what I should wear! I went to my first play party and dressed vanilla, but I’d like to try something more adventurous. Problem is, I’m demisexual and looking for a relationship, not just play partners. I’m too short for most corsets, but I love the idea of pin up lingerie, like a chemise or babydoll with panties and garters. Would wearing that send the message that I’m looking to play? Or should I just wear what makes me feel pretty? This is hard, because I can be shy around new people and I don’t want too much attention, but I want more options than just vanilla.

Any advice would be appreciated. THANK YOU!

Hi BDSM newbie,

That’s so great that you are exploring your sexuality! The key is to wear what makes you feel sexy and pretty. You can try out different types of outfits, and see what you feel your most powerful and confident in. Whenever I get dressed up, I choose something that I know I will feel great in. There’s nothing sexier than a confident woman! Some of my favorite websites for sexy clothes are Yandy, Agent Provocateur, and Spicy Lingerie. So, get out there, don’t take yourself too seriously, and have fun!

 

I am a bit shy to ask my doctor about this specific issue. Could someone experienced in BDSM help? My Dom took my ass the other night with no lube. It has bled a bit since then. Do you have any good advice on the topic? He normally would be more careful, but he kinda got lost in the moment. I am not sure what to do to help heal myself properly. Please help if you can!

Hey there sore bottom,

This is something that can happen when someone is too rough, or if proper preparation (like warming up and using lube), is not done in advance. I would give yourself proper time to heal by refraining from any kind of anal play for a while, and see if the bleeding subsides. If you are not better in a few days, go see your doctor, even if you feel uncomfortable doing so. It’s better to be safe than sorry, as there may be bigger issues going on than just a small tear. The next time you want to have anal sex, warm up properly by using a lot of lube, fingers or a butt plug first, and keeping the toy in long enough to stretch the area. Hope that helps!

Want to learn more about BDSM? Check out all our BDSM guides here and more kink advice here.

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missravenhart // Author

Raven Hart is the busty, sophisticated MILF next door you’ve always been fiending for. Despite her demure appearance, she’s insatiable and loves getting down and dirty. The raven-haired seductress with grey eyes is an exotic mix of Spanish, Portuguese and Eastern European and hails from the East Coast. Raven always worked in the sex industry in one capacity or another. Before making the leap to porn star, she was a professional dominatrix, exotic dancer, and webcam model. And, she always looks good doing it, since she’s also a makeup artist. With less than six months in adult, she’s on her way to a takeover and has worked with some of the biggest studios including Brazzers, Jules Jordan, Evil Angel, Mile High Media, Reality Kings, Devil’s Films, and Cherry Pimps. In 2017, she scored the cover of May/June issue of Kink~E Magazine. Follow me on Twitter and instagram @missravenhart

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