Dear Slut,

I was raped about a month ago. I reported it and now the rapist is in jail. Everyone told me that coming out and telling people would be the hardest part. But, to me the hardest part is dealing with it now. How do I move on from this? How do I move on with family, friends and other guys? How am I supposed to forget and not be constantly bagging on myself? I tried talking, to someone but its not helping.

Hi babe,

First, I am sending so much love to you. Know that you’re not alone and that one out of three women will be assaulted or raped in their lifetime. It is incredibly devastating, but we are strong. There are many of us have been through it, too – and we are here to support you on your journey of healing.

It might not be today… it might not be this week… this month… or this year… but you will begin to heal and have the happy, healthy sex and relationship life you once had.

Remember every time you think about it, that it wasn’t your fault. Even if you didn’t physically fight him off of you, the first time you said “no” or something similar should have been his message to stop. It is totally his fault, and it’s a blessing that he is now in jail for it. Many cases don’t have such a positive outcome, where the rapist is put in his rightful place.

Second, remember that you did nothing to bring this on yourself. Nothing. Regardless of what you wear, say, or hint at – your body is yours – and no one has the right to take it from you without an enthusiastic yes. Don’t blame yourself for this, at all.

The next step I personally used to heal was talking. Many of us have been through it before, and are here to help you. I would encourage you to talk with your trusted friends, as many of them may have been through it before, and just haven’t talked about it. Connect with a sex therapist to support you with your healing (AASECT has a great portal to find therapists licensed through their certification)

The final thing I did to help me move on was once I started dating again. It was very hard for me to trust, so I just took it slow. When I finally started having sex again with a trusted boyfriend, I told him all about my trauma and we took things very very slow. Every time I said “no” or was a little uncomfortable, he would stop immediately, and we wouldn’t move any further until I was ready. It was very helpful in building my trust back up and helping me heal.

The road ahead is not easy or linear, but it’s possible and worth it.


 

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