Hey Slutty Girl Problems,

Ugh, I wanna fuck this guy so badly. I’m a virgin but I’ve hooked up a couple of times with guys. But I don’t wanna feel like a slut. What should I do? How can I not feel bad about it?

– Feeling Slut Shamed

Hey there!

So, you’re a virgin. Let’s tackle that issue first. (Because you specifically mentioned being a virgin, I’m going to assume that it’s of at least slight importance to you.)

Take some time for self-reflection and decide whether you’re 100% certain you’re ready to have sex. Someone once told me that when choosing to lose your virginity, it’s important to have three things: the right person, the right time, and the right place. This is great advice that has stuck with me over the years (though I’d also add: the right birth control). Start by asking yourself if you have all of these things. The right person doesn’t have to be someone you love or even someone you’re dating, but it does have to be someone who you feel safe with and who respects your boundaries and choices. The right time – are you ready? Are you at a point in your life where you can make this decision? If you are dating, is your relationship at a point where sex fits into the equation? And finally, the right place, is this going to happen somewhere where you feel comfortable and no unwanted onlookers can barge in? Even if you checked yes to having all of those things, something may still seem not quite right; if anything at all feels ‘off’ to you, don’t have sex.

Assuming you’ve decided that losing your virginity with this guy is what you want to do, you’ll need to keep a few things in mind. Your first time is probably going to be a little bit awkward and maybe even a bit uncomfortable. But just because losing your virginity may not happen in a steamy, erotic, or romantic way, doesn’t mean that you can’t still have a lot of fun and look back on the experience fondly.

How do you not feel like a slut? That’s a big question. What is a ‘slut’ even? At SGP, we define ‘slut’ as someone who is empowered and embraces their sexuality. Who wouldn’t want to feel like a slut with a definition like that? Google defines ‘slut’ as ‘a woman who has many casual sexual partners’. That also sounds fine by me.

Unfortunately, though, the word slut also has a lot of negative connotations for many people, such as being impure, immoral, or dirty. To avoid feeling any of those things, it’s important to remember that having sex is just that – having sex. Sex is a normal, natural part of life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex, whether it be once, a million times, or moreSex absolutely does not mean that you’re any less of a person or that you deserve any less respect than anyone else. Respect yourself and feel confident in your identity as a sexual being. Do not let anyone else define who you are or slut-shame you. Other people’s opinions of you have no impact on your identity unless you start to believe them. Don’t believe them.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing – how you feel about yourself. Stay confident, stay empowered.

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