This week, Dr. Faith is dishing on all things oral sex! What are the best lubes for heading downtown? Are dental dams really necessary? We brought in an expert to lead you safely into the world of oral.
Dear SGP Team,First of all, let me thank you for your countless opinions and enlightened wisdom on the best and worst pleasure toys in the whole wide world. I visit and read your blog almost everyday and have become big fan of yours for quite a while now. I must admit that you have spiced up the relation between me and my spouse a lot!Now, I just need your opinion on safe oral sex… I understand some products actually cause friction between real intimacy. Here are my top three questions:
- What is the best condom without spermicides for fellatio (because it really tastes bitter) and my spouse doesn’t enjoy the experience.
- Which dental dam should I use during cunnilingus / or is it necessary to use one?
- I also am in need of edible and safe lubricants for oral sex. By far, we have found silicone lube to be the best we’ve tried, with zero irritation whatsoever. But is it safe to be used orally as well?I would really appreciate your reply to these dilemmas. Thank you.Regards,Wannabe Oral Aficionado
1. I co-wrote a zine called STI FAQ (dirty whore self-promotion time!) with a couple of ridiculously smart sex educators. As my friend Aaron says in the zine (and that’s Dr. Aaron Sapp, MD if you’re nasty): Condoms aren’t flavored because vaginas and butts like strawberries.
Spermicide used with a condom increases condom effectiveness in …killing sperm. The not-getting-pregnant part of the program, more than anything else.
Getting that spermicide in your mouth is not good for you. While spermicides can protect from some STIs (like chlamydia and gonorrhea), it doesn’t protect against the HIV virus or herpes, or many others. In fact, it can cause irritation (never mind the gross flavor) which can make you more susceptible to other diseases (sexually transmitted or not). Switch to something that doesn’t taste nasty for oral.
Other than flavored condoms, you could also use a flavored lube. Most “adult novelty” stores will have testers out so you can taste before you buy, or at least offer inexpensive single use packets for experimenting at home. I recommend the green apple, personally.
Keep the spermicide for penetrative vaginal intercourse only! Don’t ever use them for anal, and even for vaginal use, limit that usage to only once a day, per the Trojan Condoms web FAQ. I mentioned above, the irritation factor can make your more susceptible to getting an STI which defeats the damn purpose.
2. If y’all are long term, have been tested, and are monogamous (or at least, poly rules don’t include any penetrative or oral activities and never will), then you could totally have the discussion about using less barrier methods and still being safe. If you aren’t there yet, won’t ever be there, or just want to be as safe as can be then using a dental dam is a far better idea.
I don’t have a brand preference. You can totally get dams that are actually made for sex (they’re a bit thinner, so you’ll get more stimulation). Both are essentially latex sheets that act as a disease transmission barrier. You can also cut open and use a (non-spermicidal!) condom or glove. Even saran wrap works in a pinch (and studies show it’s quite effective).
Side note? Dams should also be used for anilingus (perhaps better known as eating ass). STIs can still be transmitted that way. For example? Syphilis sores loooooove to hide up in butts.
3. Silicone isn’t made to be ingested. If you’ve found a silicone lube you dig, totally keep using it for penetrative intercourse. (Though not with silicone toys, it will eventually break down the toy.)
There are lots of products, however, that are intentionally edible, like I mentioned in your first question. The experimenting can be fun research, at least! (Wedding cake flavor also tends to be pretty legit.)
I hope that helps, and that you’re able to explore the world of oral sex!