Finding out what a guy thinks is probably one of the most frustrating and irritatingly hard things girls go through everyday. We ask them questions and the usual answer is “I don’t care”, and I’m pretty sure that answer is probably why the text back “k.” was created. The questions we normally want answers for range from something simple like “What do you want for dinner?” to the most pressing questions like “Why don’t you like my friend?”. There are many different questions in between those two, and to help us all get some clarity, I picked five of the most important ones about women, feminism, and slut shaming – and I challenged a group of my guy friends to answer them. So ladies, grab some popcorn and prepare to read some truth.

1. What do you think about the double standard and reaction for the number of people a guy vs. a girl has slept with?

  • D.W: I think the double standard is fucking stupid. Let people sleep with as many or as few people as they choose.
  • J.F: The double standard is ridiculous. I’ve never really understood it. It has a lot to do with the fact that most men see women as object they can conquer, and when women have sex and enjoy it, men find it threatening.
  • H.M: It’s ridiculous. It’s not really anyone else’s business either. Does it really matter how many people anyone sleeps with?
  • M.M: I think it’s different for a girl to sleep with a lot of guys but double standards are dumb.
  • A.J: I don’t care about double standards cause the number of people you slept with doesn’t matter.
  • J.M: I think I would view it the same no matter what gender the person in question is. A lot is a lot.
  • J.J: Ok so for the double standards thing I think it makes sense. Generally speaking guys are the ones who pursue girls, and while girls may also want go after guys, it seems that they are more focused on making the guy come to them. Guys (also generally speaking) care more about one night stands and sex while girls would like to see an emotional commitment to them before they allow that, so when a guy hooks up with a girl, it is almost as if she gave up or gave in (although I realize that many girls are also just interested in a one night stand). I look at as a key that can unlock many locks is a valuable key, but a lock that can be opened by many keys is not a desirable lock.

2. What does the word slut mean to you? When do you think, if at all, is it appropriate to use it?

  • D.W: I use slut jokingly. I don’t think it’s truly appropriate, if we’re adhering to question number 1.
  • J.F: Slut doesn’t mean anything to me. I think it’s only appropriate to use when you’re talking about why you shouldn’t say it. I’ve noticed that men usually refer to women as sluts when they refuse to have sex with them. It’s just sort of an attack they use when they’re mad that a woman wouldn’t want to have sex with them.
  • H.M: The word slut is an insult. It is used to judge and degrade woman. I can’t think of a time it would appropriate to be used.
  • M.M: To me a slut is a girl that will put out and do crazy shit, but it should only be used in a joking fashion.
  • A.J: A slut is a word that means a girl that likes sex without a relationship and should only be used in a joking fashion.
  • J.M: The word slut means she’s crazy in bed, but it’s only appropriate to use when you’re around guys.
  • J.J: Slut is thought of as a term that means a girl is very sexually active with many partners. As a mature adult, no the word is not ever acceptable as there are many other more properterms and words to use to describe your point.

3. What are your thoughts on society’s standards for women?

  • D.W: Society has fucked up standards for everyone.
  • J.F: Society’s standards for women are many and varied. I don’t know how to answer that as it’s not question. I would say women are expected to be a little bit of everything. They’re supposed to be smart, but not smarter than men. They’re supposed to be naturally beautiful, but not so beautiful that they look fake or vain. They need to be funny and confident, but not overly so… It’s difficult to even describe much less achieve.
  • H.M: The standards society has for women kind of suck. I think it’s a lot better than it used to be but the feminist movement is still needed.
  • J.J: Societies standards for women should be based on what any woman wants to do as an individual, but that goes for men too. Unfortunately that is not the world we live in and people have expectations of women. They should shave their legs, act classy and proper, wear makeup, and not try to be dominant over men. Yes this is sexist and old fashion, and luckily this view is changing, it is still there.

4. What are your views on slut shaming? How about in regards to sexual assault cases?

  • D.W: It is NEVER EVER EVER EVER the victims fault in cases of sexual assault and by slut shaming them you are further victimizing them.
  • J.F: I obviously think slut shaming is wrong. Slut shaming is wrong when we’re not talking about sexual assault. It doesn’t even make sense to talk about it in terms of rape. Men rape women all over the world whether they’re wearing mini-skirts and tube tops or burqas. If someone is a rapist, they’re going to rape regardless of what the victim is wearing.
  • H.M: Slut shaming makes me very upset. I have seen slut shaming on people I know and it’s horrible. I believe more rapes go unreported because of the fear of slut shaming and that makes me very upset.
  • J.J: Slut shaming is never ok, especially if the girl has been sexually assaulted or raped. Period.

5. Condom or not: Why do some guys choose to risk it, and do you prefer it?

  • D.W: I’ve never had casual sex. It has always been in the confines of a relationship. If both partners are clean, and they have other forms of birth control working, then raw dogging shouldn’t be an issue. If one is having causal sex with people he meets at parties or at the bar, then ‘No Glove, No Love’ is a hard and fast rule.
  • J.F: I would say men risk it because they’re selfish, short-sighted idiots. For the most part, men assume they won’t have to deal with the consequences of not wearing a condom, so they just choose not to.
  • H.M: I guess because it feels better? Kind of dumb if there isn’t another form of birth control in use.
  • J.J: No condom feels better, plain and simple. Sometimes we also can’t find one and we are willing to take the risk as long as we can still have sex. Personally wearing a condom is very important for many reasons, and it should be for all guys, especially if its a girl that you just met or don’t fully trust.

So ladies, go out and don’t be afraid to ask your guys any of these questions and any of your own. If all else fails, whip out the lovely “k” text and let it do the dirty work. I feel lucky to have this group of guys in my life, and thank them for answering. They definitely made me think about some of the things I deal with on the daily. Get out there, ask the tough questions, and kick butt!

*Some initials have been changed by request.