Binge drinking heavily for days on end is never a smart decision, and any choice to stay sober instead is completely valid. However, there may come a time (or many times) in your life when someone asks you what your weekend plans are, and you go through a mental list that looks something like:
Thursday: Of course I’m going out, why wouldn’t I? It’s Thursday, duh.
Friday: Ah! The CEOs and Office Hoes party is that night! It’s like the biggest party of the semester! And I mean it’s at Joey’s frat, so I kind of have to go, to show him how over him I am.
Saturday: We’re playing our rival school! Woooo! The game’s at four so we’ll start pregaming around, oh, noon? And the after parties… WIN OR LOSE, WE STILL BOOZE!
Sunday: It’s a holiday! So clearly all the frats will be cooking out. Day drinking with boys sounds like a lovely way to avoid homework!
Yup. You should all be nodding your heads by now because almost every college student in the history of the world has experienced this. While the weekend will definitely end in a hangover that leaves you unable to eat and filled with regret, and though you will likely swear off drinking upon waking up… three days later, it will all feel totally worth it. So, when you next decide to dedicate a solid Thursday through Sunday to drinking, here are some smart tips and advice for the not-so-smart decisions we all have made, from a girl who’s been through it before.
Thursday is the most dangerous night of all because its always prefaced with blatant lies of, “I’m going to bed before midnight” and “I’m only gonna have one beer”. Everyone knows that once you step foot in a frat house, you’ve committed to being stuck in a very fun, very drunk jailhouse for a minimum of two hours. Plan accordingly, and remember, if you rage too hard on night one, you’re going to spend the other nights and days as a hungover zombie, immune to the encouragement of friends – and even the revitalizing properties of the water of life, or as it’s know in the college world, vodka. Slow down, girl. Yes, it’s the start of the weekend, and yes, there are parties, but you have class in the morning and days of drinking yet to come. If you get a pleasant, tipsy buzz going – or even a slight drunk that you know you can handle – you’ll have a blast, and be able to wake up and rally for Friday night.
I know that the ghost of the José Gold you killed last night has already come back to haunt you, but you’ve probably only got so many unexcused absences from class, and you’re going to feel even shittier Monday morning when you realize all that homework is suddenly due, and you’ve been completely unproductive the past few days. I know it’s a struggle but go to class. When class is out, go take a shower and shave your legs (you’ll probably be too busy, drunk, or hungover to do so for the rest of the weekend), and watch a little Netflix while you nurse your hangover. No matter how tempting it is, do your best to avoid pregaming before eight. No one wants to be the blackout girl before midnight. Then go. Have fun. Rage your heart out. You don’t have class tomorrow, so fuck it.
This is where it gets interesting. Your hangover is probably a ten on the Richter scale, and you can’t open your eyes, despite the fact that your roommate is all but physically dragging you out of bed. Though the day is young, the tailgate pregames have begun. First on the list, you need to hydrate yourself. Force yourself to down some water. Second, drink Pedialyte. It sounds strange, but it works. According to their website, “Pedialyte quickly replenishes electrolytes, fluids and zinc lost during diarrhea and vomiting to help prevent dehydration and be more effective than water or sports drinks.” So basically, it’s a gift from the Gods.
Then, fight through your hungover daze and join in the drinking. You must. There are two ways to go about this.
- You can make mimosas or mixed drinks to ease into it, which can be fun.
- Or you can just get it over with and pound the shots. All of them.
Depending on how much sugar you’ve had recently, the taste of orange juice might make you want to vomit again and give you a stomach ache before you have enough of a buzz not to notice. I’m not saying that vodka won’t make you want to vomit, but it involves much less liquid and sugar, though feel free to have some chaser on hand if need be. Keep in mind that once the alcohol hits you, you will likely feel worlds better. Just remember to keep drinking water between drinks.
By Sunday, you probably hate your life more than you did Saturday morning. But, it’s the last leg of the race. You can do it. And honestly, you’re not ready to sober up yet because there’s a high likelihood that you had an emotional meltdown and called your ex last night, and then fucked him at three in the morning. Drinking sounds way more fun than contemplating and dealing with your mistakes. The best method for Sunday is to take just enough shots to not feel like shit, and then sip on beer until to keep the buzz going. Nurse your hangover with water and the usual cures, and surround yourself with friends so you can still feel like the weekend is in full swing. Take it easy, girl. Everyone else feels the hangover pain right with you.
While Monday morning will inevitably be filled with regrets and a compounded hangover, be proud knowing that you survived the weekend boozefest with minimal damage and many memories that you won’t soon forget (or maybe, that you’ve already forgotten).