No is a two-letter sentence. We learned that when we were two years old! It’s one of (if not the most) simple sentences in the English language. So why do we have such an issue saying it as adults? Not only to other people, but to ourselves as well. And why do we always have to attach an explanation to it? We don’t always need to explain ourselves to people, it’s our life not theirs… Can I get a whoop whoop? Let’s relearn to say no.
Saying No to Your Friends
Sometimes saying “no” to friends is the worst. Your friends want to go out and get smashed, and you want to curl up alone with your dog and eat a pint of Chunky Monkey (or maybe they want a quiet night in when you’re raring to go out). Regardless of the situation — you don’t want to do the shit they want to do! But it’s easy to go along with their plans because you don’t want to upset anyone.
If you don’t want to do what they want, just say, “I’m really not feeling up to it,” or, “I need some me time tonight”. They’re your friends and they will understand. It’s okay to be selfish! True friends want what’s best for you, even if it means having to cancel plans with them.
Saying No to Your Boss
This isn’t always a blatant “No”, or cancellation as it is with your friends. You have to be a little more strategic when it comes to work. Remember though, that your health and well-being comes before work. Don’t let your boss at work be the boss of your life! Request time off when you want to do something, or if you need a night to yourself. Don’t go in for overtime if it’s stressful, and if you’re asked to do something way outside of your duties don’t hesitate to say that it isn’t your responsibility. You are a strong person, and you deserve the best from every aspect of your life, even your work. Jobs come and go, but stress can have a longterm impact on your life.
Saying No to A Significant Other
Significant others can demand a lot of your time, depending on the stage of your relationship, and that can be incredibly draining. Personal alone time is a necessity, for your sanity, and your relationship. If there is an occasion that you need time without your partner, be upfront and honest about it. Don’t bullshit them and make sure they know that this space (however long it may be) isn’t about the way they’re acting, but instead is about you enjoying a little TLC.
Saying “no” to a partner might also be tricky in the bedroom. No one wants to kill the mood, but you need to make sure you’re comfortable with every sexual act y’all find yourself doing. An easy way to do this is to create a safe-word, this word is a signal to stop and reassess the situation. Think of something that’s completely out of context, like “Oatmeal”, or “Red” like a stop light.
If your safe word isn’t applicable in the scenario, try the sandwich method. Give them a compliment like “I love how soft your lips are,” add in what you really want to say ,”But tonight I’m just too exhausted to enjoy them,” then end with another praise “Maybe I’ll feel better after a good night’s rest and we can try again then.” A respectful partner will understand. If they respond negatively, that speaks miles for them, not for you. Take care of yourself first instead of aiming to please them.
Saying No to Yourself
This is THE WORST. It’s so hard to even realize that you’re doing something that makes you unhappy, but we do it all the time. Before you make plans, buy a Big Mac, do some retail therapy, or commit to a schedule, stop and ask yourself the following questions:
Will this make me happy tomorrow?
Can I financially afford to do this?
Will this negatively impact my mental or physical well-being?
Your happiness is what’s most important! For example, if going out and getting greasy pizza is what you need, then do it …but if you’re going to feel like shit after, then postpone it.
Be the Best You!
It’s easier said than done, but you have to put yourself first and you can’t beat yourself up for it. Think of yourself as a puppy. What I mean is that, if you were to find a puppy on the side of the road, would you sit there and yell at it for getting itself stuck out there? Or would you take it home, give it lots of love, and spoil the shit out of it? Spoil yourself, focus on what you want, not what anyone else wants.