After reading Total Sorority Move’s article “27 Lies I Will Tell My Daughter“, a list of promises the writer vows to raise her daughter by, I was appalled by the lack of sex positivity. It upset me that someone would encourage their child to not engage in any sexual activity, rather than teach them about sex, when there is a whole movement working really hard to prove that sex is natural and can be very positive. I thought, “If my child is going to have sex, I hope it’s safe and good!” Thankfully, I’m not alone on that.
A wonderful father published a letter to his daughter titled, “Dear Daughter I Hope You Have Awesome Sex.” and wished his daughter lovely plentiful orgasms and healthy sexual relationships. I thought about how I felt many of the same ways.
Then, I thought about how I would communicate that to her. I pondered, how I would raise a child to be a strong person, no matter what society says” So, I looked at our Slutty Girl Manifesto, thought long and hard, and penned a letter to my future girl.
Dear Future Daughter,
At this point, we haven’t met. You are a little egg floating around in my belly, not yet aware of your potential… but I am. I don’t know when we’ll meet, however, I do know that I want you to have the most wonderful life and that I will do everything I can to help.
Dear Future Daughter,
- I promise to never be hypocritical about something you do that I’ve done in my past. I was not perfect. I was not even close. If you choose to go down some of the paths I went down, I promise to honestly share my experience so that you can learn, and only dole out the consequences to keep you safe.
- I promise to teach you about sex. I promise to always keep the conversation open, remind you that it’s normal and natural, and always answer your questions no matter how uncomfortable they might make me. I promise to teach you that sex should be pleasurable, and that it doesn’t only involve pleasuring someone else.
- I promise to raise you knowing that you have a choice when it comes to your sexuality and your actions. I promise to do everything I can so that you are never harassed, assaulted, or raped – and if you ever are, that I will help you.
- I promise to respect any road you choose pertaining to your gender or sexual orientation, and swear that I will love you the whole way.
- I promise to teach you about the kind of love you deserve and the kind of things you don’t. I promise to have open conversations with you about your relationships and to teach you what is healthy and what is not when it comes to expressions of love.
- I promise to help you find the things you love, and teach you to listen to yourself whenever you need to take a step back. I promise to leave you alone when you need to be left alone and to help you heal only when you ask me to.
- I promise to teach you how to have safe sex, and educate you about all your contraceptive options.
- I promise to teach you that someone putting something else inside of you, cannot change who you are. I promise to remind you that your worth cannot be defined by anything or anyone but yourself, and remind you, even when you don’t want to hear it, that you are worthy of love and all things good.
- I promise to raise you from day one to spit in the face of sexism and to reject the thought that sexuality is negative. I will educate you on your rights as a woman, and I will push for gender equality for you until you’re old enough to join me.
- I promise to never let you grow up hating your body. I will help you find things you do that make you love how it moves and clothes that make you love how it looks, to whatever extent I can.
- Finally, you gorgeous thing, I promise to be your best friend whenever you need me to be. I wish for you all the good in the world.
Your crazy, slutty, feminist mother.