Ah, Sundays.
Sunday is the end of the last shit week you had and the start of a new beginning to another shit week. You may be waking up in the late afternoon after an absolutely insane night at a London Gay bar. You may have lost your favorite pair of knickers, because some stag needed to fulfill a challenge that involved him having a pair of knickers in his possession by the end of the night. You may wake up remembering that your favorite heels were ripped to shreds when you fell over on the cobble stones…
I have no idea how crazy your night was, but I do know that approximately, a lot of Sundays are spent in the comfort of one’s own home.
The unlucky ones have to go to work (or worse, church) with Saturday nights makeup still intact and tequila on their breath, to serve the elderly people roast dinners and wipe down horrifically disgusting highchairs from family gatherings. The only thing keeping you going is the possibility of spooning ice cream into your mouth as soon as you get home, or having a decent meal that your parents make when you finish that horrible Sunday shift.
I didn’t realize what a fucking tragedy it was to have to work on a Sunday, until I got Sundays off of work and actually got to lie in and ring my mum from my room asking for her to make me eggs and bacon… as I stand there slightly embarrassed in my fleece cow onesie with a mud mask all over my face.
Then you have your Sunday evenings. Maybe you always have plans, maybe you go to your parents. But this is for all my girls/boys without any cooking skills, who stay on campus during the weekend, without a boyfriend or girlfriend.
How to spend a Sunday Night…
Finish the bottle of wine
You opened it on a whim when you thought you needed a pick-me-up, and realized you then didn’t. Or, it’s lying around because you haven’t had a reason to open it. Well, I have a reason; the start of a new beginning and why the fuck would you not want to end the week feeling warm and fuzzy? No? You crazy, go away.
Bake sweet potatoes
Why not? That’s lunch for the week sorted: Sweet potato to sweeten up all my bitches that sucked on too many lemons at the weekend (who can resist a TEQUILAAAAA). Also it’s super good for you and super NOM. Even if you’re crap at cooking like I am, baking potatoes is easy – just set the oven to like 43290548 degrees and wait 30 minutes until the potatoes are squishy.
Masturbate
I was able to do this a lot more when I didn’t have to pay water/electric. It’s a bit different now. Masturbating for an hour giving myself beautiful magical rainbow unicorn pleasure is very expensive. But to those of you who have the cash or the chance – Sunday evenings were MADE for masturbation. It’s meant to be a fucking holy day for Christ in pajamas sake, which means it ain’t holy until you bless yourself with holy water and give yourself that feel where you’re between space and the realm of the Gods.
Shop online
Chunky knits and ripped jeans? Wardrobe must haves.
Eyelash lace playsuit? I need that.
Glittery socks are 3 for 2? BARGAIN.
SluttyGirlProblems ‘SLUT’ Hipflask? Fucking. Fantabulous.
10 inch heels I’ll probably kill myself in? WHY THE FUCK NOT.
OMG transparent chopsticks? I was thinking of getting a Chinese soon anyway, and I couldn’t possibly insult my intelligence by using cutlery… *adds to cart*
SELF STIRRING MUG? I am gonna save so much time and teaspoons.
Shares in South Koreas YG Entertainment? I love G-Dragon so…
An African house elephant? Everyone’s gotta have one.
Eat bagels in a bubble bath
What better way to spend an hour than to sit and shrivel up in the bath whilst you sink your teeth into warm buttery New York style bagels? The crispy toasted outside and sweetness and perfect bready texture. It is close to masturbation, food wise – or maybe eating cookie crumble cheesecake is… I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing… apart from receiving free gifts from the man of my dreams but he’s not rich enough yet so I will have to wait.
Alternatively you could attend your freshman event and rave on the waterfront, ya know… I’m sure loads of other cool edgy students will be attending in trainers and crop tops; AND they are giving out free glowsticks. OR you could be a sad little shit and stay in and do any of the above, or sit on your bed and stare at the dress you have to sell because you, your brothers, and your housemates can’t even zip you up in it.
So don’t forget to plan your sundays in advance; buy bagels, put yourself in the bathroom schedule, and whatever else – buy the sweet potatoes of course! Most importantly though, get an early night.
