“Daaaaaamn, that penis is pink!” Those words from Ilana Glazer’s character on Broad City causes me to snicker every time. I love it so much that the phrase is a permanent part of my vocabulary. And honestly, that’s as close as my mouth has ever come to one.
In my 23 years, I have never dated or slept with a white guy and I began wondering why penis portfolio hasn’t been diversified.
Location, Location, Location
I grew up in rural Mississippi and up until I was around 12, I was in predominantly black spaces. When you are only around a single group of people, you don’t really consider there being a reason why you find one person more attractive than another because there’s a lack of exposure. On a more serious note, I have to be realistic about the history of interracial relationships in the south. The effect of Jim Crow laws have unfortunately been long lasting. You would think that mentality would diminish with the older generations that perpetuated those rules. However, those ideologies get passed down and continue to live in present generations. Even my own parents expressed discomfort when I brought up possibly dating a white guy, during my undergrad.
Why?
Have you ever heard the saying “if she can’t use your comb don’t bring her home?” If you didn’t watch marathons of Martin, you probably missed that little gem. My parents probably gently discouraged me from dating interracially in an effort to protect me from potential violence or threats. It’s not the best approach but my parents always tend to be cautious. As I have gotten older, the phrase has taken on new meaning in regards to having to explain being a black woman to someone who would have a relatively hard time understanding. A few months ago I made fast friends with a pink peen owner on Twitter who was interesting, and was interested in my knowledge about skincare and photography. Not being asked “wyd?” every five minutes and enduring dry conversation was new for me. Usually I’m rolling my eyes at my phone out of boredom.
But… There’s Always a But
There are a few things that make me apprehensive about dating white men specifically, and that includes potentially being fetishized, microaggressions, and straight up cringy ignorance. The bliss of good conversation came to a swift halt when he revealed genuinely wanting to use durags and kept commenting on me being “thick”. Durags can be a great fashion accessory and my thighs are luscious, but in the back of my head I felt uncomfortable. And what if we delved into politics and social issues and he was trash? I would be so uncomfortable. Even worse, what if we got in an argument and racial slurs started flying? That’s an insult foreign to me and I don’t know what my reaction might be. And here we have what I call “pink peen phobia”. All the hypothetical situations I create in my head that have somewhat immobilized me in regards to expanding my dating pool.
What Now?
There’s a beauty in sharing cultures and experiences with people different from your own. What if I’ve been limiting myself out of fear? What if I don’t have to teach someone about being black, but they want to teach themselves? (Side note: that is a great idea for people who don’t understand the problems of historically oppressed groups. It’s not the responsibility of the oppressed to educate you entirely).
Maybe I’m just overthinking things. Maybe receiving backhanded compliments about being pretty in spite of being black has me jaded. Can I be aware of racial issues and speak on racial topics without them being perceived as racist? Where do I go from here?
I have so many questions and so many concerns and I would love to know where any readers stand on this topic. And, if you are a fellow woman of color who grapples with these issues, how are you navigating the dating world? Drop your reply in the comments below.
I dont really like this and I’m not really sure how to convey why. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a polar opposite. My whole family is a mix of black and white, I’ve only ever dated white men while alternatively, my (half and half but white passing) mother married a black man. Like.. I get where those fears are coming from and I’m not at all saying that majority of white men aren’t problematic but I’ve come across more problems from black men. Or maybe they were just louder about their dissatisfaction in me. I’ve been talked down to more times by black men than I’ve been fetisized by white.. Constantly told I’m looking for a hand up despite usually being the bread winner in my relationships, told I dont respect myself as a black woman while I watch men left and right praise anyone else but black women.. But whenever I talk about not being attracted to black men I’m told I have internalized racism..
I disagree too, but I am white so don’t know if it matters.. that’s where we get screwed.. if we don’t prefer black women we are racist, if we find beauty in all and like with me it doesn’t matter, if I’m into you, your looks, and personality, I could care less.. but then that’s where we lose either way because then we are “fetishizing” black women. I don’t get it.
Also, where is the whole pink peen coming from lmaoo… my member is not pink. I meant I’m swedish/more Native American/very little Jew.
But I’m lost at the whole pink penis thing people say now days! Lol
As a black Jamaican woman, I never understood pink peen phobia.
On the island we believe peen is peen.
Also about the word “fetishization , the way I see it in America somehow
Black men can call Black women; Nubian queen,Mama Africa, big bootie juddie, thiccc mamas, Brown skinned goddess ect,
But the moment a none black man calls a black woman those same exact things somehow there’s a problem ITS labeled as “fetishization”.
This honestly never made sense to me.
A compliment is a compliment.
I would raise hell however if someone said “your pretty for a black girl. NOW that shytes just straight out racist.
I’m confused lol, I’m a white male… I meant I have a great bit of Native American in me… like ALOT, and Jew.. maybe that’s why but I naturally get real dark in the summer.. and probably tmi but my junk has always been the same color of my skin actually a little darker. I’m completely, completely accused what everyone is saying about Pink Peen phobia with white people. What the hell about it, is pink lol
Idk why is said accused instead of confused… but anyway like I said I’m Native American, Jew, and Swedish.. and do not have a pink rod.. lol
To all the guys in the comments wondering, if you have native in you or anything else you can look light but have less pink undertones in your skin compared to a pure European white person. Even a little chunk of another ethnicity can change the undertones of your skin, even if you look pretty white. I’m full native & my husband is just a Viking thru & thru, mostly Swedish & Norwegian but nothing in him but those white Nordic races so his undertones are very pinkish. So his junk has that slight pinkish look that’s described as “pink dick” lol And of course when you have lighter skin & a lot of blood rushes to an area it’s going to get even pinker so there’s that too. Y’all can’t tell me your dicks ain’t kinda pink when they’re hard at least lol
As a black Jamaican woman, I never understood pink peen phobia.
On the island we believe peen is peen.
Also about the word “fetishization , the way I see it in America somehow
Black men can call Black women; Nubian queen,Mama Africa, big bootie juddie, thiccc mamas, Brown skinned goddess ect,
But the moment a none black man calls a black woman those same exact things somehow there’s a problem ITS labeled as “fetishization”.
This honestly never made sense to me.
A compliment is a compliment.
I would raise hell however if someone said “your pretty for a black girl. NOW that shytes just straight out racist.
That’s all I’m saying
Honestly, I feel you but on the opposite, I’ve always been attacked to Black men but slightly scared of Black Peen. I don’t know why! I think these kinds of topics NEED to be talked about to understand why we form these weird underlying feelings/thoughts/fears. I half slept with a Black Man and personally just felt like he was too endowed and it hurt incredibly bad that I shut it down within a minute and I just felt like I had never seen one before so it threw me off.