We’ve all been there. We’ve felt the jitters and the butterflies after a totally amazing first date, and saw your entire relationship flash before your eyes. You thought a relationship was going extremely well and you really liked a person until BAM! He distances himself. All of the sudden, every plan and dream you had of you together is crushed before your eyes, and out of the blue! So, why do boys do this? Chances are, he may have been leaving subtle signs and hints that he wasn’t really into you for a while.
Here are some telltale signs that he is not into you.
1. He doesn’t make eye contact
Didn’t his mother ever teach him to look people in the eye? If you find his eyes roaming around the room and everywhere but on yours, he is likely not into you. He should care about what you have to say, and make that clear. If he’s not, it shows that he does not respect you, is not interested in what you have to say, or is not that into you. That being said, some people never look people in the eye. Try to catch him in a causal setting with friends. Does he look them in the eyes when he speaks to them? If he does, you are the exception. He may not value your opinions, and you should find somebody who is more dedicated and polite.
2. He won’t show affection in public
Why is it that he holds your hand and kisses you in private, yet in public, people mistake him for your brother? Does he talk to you when you are walking or does he walk a few paces ahead of you? There might be a reason why he is shying away from PDA. Some guys are less affectionate by nature. Others may just not be interested. Try talking to him about it and gauge his reaction to see if he is not into you or if he is just shy about showing PDA.
Also think about where you are going out. Are these places where he knows a lot of people or may run into somebody he knows? He might be keeping you a secret, might not want a label, or just may want to keep your relationship private until he is ready to tell his friends and family.
Try brushing his arm in public or reaching for his hand. If he responds and smiles at you, he likely is into you, just not ready to tell the world yet. If he brushes your hand away, he does not want to be seen with you in public and he is not really interested in you.
3. Plans are very “spur of the moment”
If plans with him are always very rushed and last minute, plans with you are on the backburner. Maybe you try to make plans in advance but you get the “I will let you know” or “maybe” response. You don’t talk about future plans or anything far in advance. When you mention that both your favorite bands are coming to town, does he say “we should go” or “I should see if one of my buddies wants to go”? Though spur the moment plans are fine once in a while, if you find that he can’t commit to plans a few days in advance, he may be waiting for something better to come up. He may hang out with you as a last resort.
If you are friends with any of his friends, try to get their input. Ask them if he is very last minute, or if he is quick to commit in advance. Then you’ll know if it’s his personality, or if he isn’t prioritizing you. If he really was into you and wanted to make it work, he would value spending time with you and want to spend time with you.
4. He’s on his phone when he’s with you
Sure, there is a small chance that he is talking to his mother or needs to field a phone call. However, chances are, if he is glued to his phone, he is not into you. He does not find your conversations interesting and he does not value face to face time with you. This is especially easy to recognize if he is suddenly on his phone when he never was before. Some people go on their phones when they have nothing to talk about or are in an awkward situation. If he is constantly checking his phone or his watch, he is uncomfortable and has “better things” to do.
5. You always start the conversation
In a relationship, there is usually someone who is more apt to start the conversation and somebody who waits for conversation to initiate. There is nothing wrong with you starting the conversation first sometimes. However, if you are the one CONSTSTLY starting up the conversation and trying to keep it going by asking tons of questions, he may not be into you. Conversations should flow naturally. You should never feel forced to talk to somebody.
Beyond that, if he sounds short, annoyed, or super busy on the phone, texting, or through social media. chances are, he’s not into you. If he was, he would want to talk to you no matter how busy his day was or at least explain that he will text you later and follow through. Try taking a break and see if he texts you, or if he lets the relationship fade.
6. He doesn’t share details about his life
You don’t know what his parents do for a living or if he has siblings. He knows all your friends’ names and majors, and that your sister broke her collarbone twice. Though you may not be the one doing all the talking, you are the one sharing intimate details about yourself. His details are more about what he had for lunch or what he did at work. You are making a conscious effort to let him into your life and share details about your goals and aspirations. He should want to share details with you, too.
Boys are tricky sometimes because they do not like to complain and share too much about their life. Try asking him questions that may spark conversations that go deeper. If you still are getting vague answers from him, see how he responds in a group setting. He may simply be closed off to sharing details until he knows that he can trust you. Or, he could be withholding details because he knows you will not be around for long. This one is harder to detect than others and really depends on the guy.
7. He has not introduced you to his friends
Have you met his friends yet? Chances are if you haven’t, and he spends a lot of time with them, he isn’t into you. Some guys wait a while to introduce you to their friends to avoid any “what ever happened to Kelly” awkwardness. But if some time has passed and you still haven’t met his friends, that is not a good sign. Same goes for talking about his friends. If he wants you to be a part of his life, he will make you a part of his life.
Next time he brings up his friends or tells a story, try saying “Wow, Mike sounds crazy, I’d love to meet him” or “It sounds like you guys will have to show me a good time”. If he brushes off the idea, he isn’t into you. He should want to show you off, brag about you, and bring you around to his friends.
8. He doesn’t offer alternatives
If he turns you down and does not offer new plans, like going out next weekend instead, and actually following through, then he is not into you. If he was into you and was simply just busy, he wouldn’t want you to think that he was turning you down. He would suggest alternatives, and make it a point to schedule it. He might apologize, say he misses you, or that he hopes to hang out soon – but if he’s not following through, he’s not into you. If you try to offer alternative options and he says “maybe” or that he will be “really busy next week”, he is not into you.
Remember: It’s his loss
If he doesn’t realize how pretty, intelligent, funny and totally awesome you are, drop him. You deserve a guy that recognizes how fabulous you are, and wants to do everything he can to spend time with you. If he doesn’t want to make time for you, don’t waste your time on him. There are tons of men out there who will treat you right and make you a priority.