Mutual attraction? Check!
Good communication? Check!
Personalities that match? Check!
You have it all going for you, and yet, when you’re in bed with him, something’s not quite right. Either the sex is really bad or it’s okay to get you through, but it’s definitely not the earth-shattering kinds that you long for.
If you find yourself wondering, more than ever, why the sex isn’t great despite the obvious sizzling chemistry you share with your partner, here are some possible reasons!
Your Expectations are Unrealistic
Whether that’s from watching porn or rom-coms, the truth remains that unrealistic expectations can be a deterrent to your happiness! Perhaps shaking away these common sexpectations will work wonders:
- Men Should Always Want Sex
Respect your partner’s sex drive without resorting to stereotyping him. Just like your sex drive depends on a lot of factors like stress, the amount of sleep you’re getting, illness, and more, so does your man’s. Also, don’t expect your guy to want sex more than you do. And don’t get upset if he doesn’t, ahem, rise to the occasion the second you drop your pants!
- Men Should Always Orgasm and at the Right Time
A lot of men have a hard time orgasming or experience delayed orgasm. Since these issues aren’t talked about as much as other sexual problems, dealing with them can be a bit difficult. Most importantly, if your guy makes the effort to pleasure you, there’s no reason for you to lose sleep over early or delayed orgasmic timing.
- Men Should Always Take the Lead
You can’t leave it up to your man to take the lead and then expect him to do exactly what you like and when! He can’t read your mind, so take charge of the situation and get what you want.
Sex Means Different Things To You and Your Partner
While you and your partner seemingly have the same interests, sex can still mean entirely different things to the two of you! For example, sex might be a basic necessity for you, but for your man, it might mean connecting on a deeper level.
Further to this, there’s bound to be discrepancy over the kind of sex you both enjoy, the things you both want during sexual encounters, and the impetus for climax. Don’t rule out sexual inexperience or plain shyness as the culprit; give your partner time to figure out how to get his motor running.
When your partner does figure things out, remember that your sexual temperaments don’t have to match. If you’re the one with the higher sex drive, you don’t have to rely on your partner to satisfy your needs all the time. Take matters into your own hands- masturbate. If you already do, stop feeling guilty or resentful about it.
You’re Shy When it Comes to Talking About Sex
Talking about mundane things is a lot easier than talking about sex and your sexual desires and fantasies. That’s because opening up to your partner puts you in a vulnerable position! Chances are, your partner is worried about the same things as you are. Even if he is comfortable talking about sex, you still have to make the first move and get the conversation rolling or else he’ll never know what’s on your mind.
Deal with your shyness head-on; let go of fears and insecurities. Bear in mind that you and your partner are already good communicators; it’s just this one topic that is difficult to broach. Start with a simple question or aspect, leaving the tricky bits for later. A good idea is to get him to talk about what he likes and wait for him to ask you the same question!
For a more serious discussion, choose an appropriate time to have the talk, preferably when you’re just hanging out and especially when you’re both in a good mood. Do use the right vocabulary! You might want to rehearse in front of a mirror to bolster your self-confidence.
He’s Just Bad at Sex!
Sometimes, it helps to just accept the truth! It could be that your partner is a newbie, has anxiety, or is simply in this to seek out his own pleasures. Whatever the reason, if you’ve tried talking to him about what you like – even demonstrated – but there seems to be no change in his behavior, it’s time to examine your relationship with him.
Are you sure you’re really compatible with each other outside of the bedroom? Is he really that into you or is he just playing you for a sucker? Don’t let your imagination run wild here!
If you and your partner truly connect with each other on a deeper level, ask yourself if you can survive the bad sex while being in a close relationship with your man. Remember, you can work together with him or independently to take care of your own happiness! However, if having great sex matters most to you, perhaps it’s time for you to move on to greener pastures.