Being lesbian is hard work, there isn’t actually an endless amount of slumber-party material that runs rampant in a female-to-female relationship, despite what popular media and porn might have you believe. We love hard and sometimes fight hard (think: periods synced and suffering from PMS together). One of the greatest mysteries of a lesbian relationship, though, is ‘Lesbian Bed Death’, a real occurrence that can break a relationship if it isn’t cured in a timely fashion. Studies have shown that the longer a couple is together, the less sex they have and the less they want to be intimate with each other. This seems to be even truer in the case of lesbian relationships.

Sounds awful, doesn’t it? Here are five ways to avoid the infamous bed death:

1. Experiment

This is a new way to communicate with your partner. Tell her how you feel and what you want to feel. Share with her ideas on what can spice up the bedroom and encourage her to be a part of it. If she needs a little shove, consider masturbating in front of her, that might give her the umpf she needs to get going. Introduce toys and other props in due time, don’t just start to masturbate and then shove a box full of toys at her – not only is it inconsiderate, it could also be intimidating or alienating.

2. Talk Sexy

When a woman can talk sexy, there is really nothing better. If you can articulate your sexual needs and desires in a way that gets your girl’s motor running, then you have won the battle and are ready to go to war. The more you practice telling your partner what you want, the easier it is to talk dirty. Once you get a rhythm with your words you can add a little tongue action to the ear or mouth, make eye contact, or tease as you talk sexy to your woman.

3. Have Sex in a Public Bathroom

If the two of you can have sex, enjoyable and playful sex, in a public bathroom then you are ready to fuck anywhere. Throw away your inhibitions, worries, and doubts and go for it. It is pretty simple for two women to get it on in a bathroom, what you’ll not want to do is try to lay on the floor, keep it vertical and save the horizontal for home (or the backseat of the car). Just don’t get arrested, and remember to respect others – if someone else is in the bathroom, they likely didn’t consent to be an onlooker for your romp.

4. Watch Porn Together

This is a great way to explore what the two of you enjoy sexually. However, it is crucial to be honest with each other. If you like something a little more off-the-wall, like getting anally toe-fucked, then you may need to work your way up to expressing that. It is important to be comfortable with what you like and are willing to share with your woman. It will help provide another outlet for your sexual adventures.

5. Give Her What She Likes

If you can’t figure out what your woman wants, keep asking her. Watch what she does when you express yourself and take note. Surprise her with things she likes that aren’t just sexual in nature. Foreplay can happen anytime and anyway. Dinner and her favorite movie might get her libido moving, a stroll around the block together, or a foot massage. These are all things that might get her motor running before you two even get a place to get it on.

It is hard work keeping a relationship fresh and exciting, but you can do it. You can successfully avoid the dreaded ‘Lesbian Bed Death’ if you work at getting out of the sexual funk you’re in. With a little push and shove from each of you, the sex can be back to pre U-Haul status before you know it.