I would say that my sex life was lackluster before I started working as a phone sex operator. But, I was also just minted 18, when I added it to my resume. With my hormones in hyperdrive and my body in killer shape from joining every high school athletics team, I wasn’t hurting for anything in the sexual department. Though, the real question is was it actually good sex?
From my now newly minted 33-year-old perspective, the answer is a resounding no! The reason being? There was no build-up and nothing cerebral. It was just the act itself. While it seemed nice at the time, seasoned minds will always seek something finer. This is where my new job helped me hone those skills that I didn’t know I needed.
1. Feeling strange or Awkward? Loosen those lips with just this tip.
If you go in expecting it to suck, your outcome will be just that, however, if you prepare beforehand, then you will feel like a dirty-talking ninja. Practice finding your sexy voice. Watch something erotic that you know will get you in the mood. Close your eyes and get into that moment. Feel the goosebumps begin to rise, the tingle in your nether regions, and begin to talk. Describe out loud what is running through your head or how your body is feeling. That voice? That is your pleasure voice, and people can sense when you are using it.
Listen to how deep of a pitch it is, where it registers in your throat, and practice replicating it without the focus on making yourself get there with stimuli. That voice is honestly 90% of the battle. Throw out the notion of fake orgasms and breathless panting. You will get further knowing your sensual pitch. By utilizing it, you could make a reading of the phone book sound downright scandalous. Don’t believe me? Who doesn’t know about Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to the President? This method, in action, sent men across the world to the edge of their seats!
2. Purrfect Things to Say
Is talking about your partner’s private bits and how they’ll plow you six ways to Sunday your idea of phone sex? Just like between the sheets, immediately going at it may hit the spot per se, but it won’t leave the lasting effect that you desire. Instead, use your sensory skills to describe exactly what you want to do to your lover (in your newly found love tones, of course). How does that lingerie fit you? Your thighs quivering with anticipation of their rugged hands gliding from the small of your back towards the front of your panties. How does your hair smell as it cascades down the sides of their head while they place kisses down your chest? Ask how far their eyes will roll back as you lower yourself down to waist level?
Even take the focus on the touching of one another to talking about how the water from the showerhead will feel on your partner’s back, as you make out under the gentle spray. Describe the bounce of the bed as the heat of the passion intensifies, and the knocking into the walls as their foot slams against it after the best orgasm they’ve ever had. Place a memory so vivid that it seems like you are both there, but alas, your partner will have to spend the rest of the time dreaming till they are back in your arms. I promise you, when executed right, this recipe will create a euphoric experience in the bedroom, unlike anyone you could imagine.
Also remember that with phone sex, you absolutely have to be super descriptive. You are at a loss of several senses that you would have during a normal sensual encounter. Yes, you could create a soundboard, but that would come off staged and ruin the mood for most. Yes, you could text some photos beforehand, but still, imagination comes into play. Even video limits the spectrum of erotic experience. Deploy the use of these lacking senses with that smoldering tongue. No detail too small for you not to point out!
3. The Shallow End is a Great Place to Start
With your sexy voice in hand and an idea of what you want to say, you still may not want to charge in like a Spartan warrior. If you feel you still need some practice, the first baby step you might consider is dropping a few sexy innuendos. Going out for dinner the day you get back from a long trip? Tease your partner about what will really be dessert when you get home! Going to spend a warm night in cuddling when you see each other again? Talk about how your naked sleepover is going to make you feel. There is honestly nothing sexier to most partners than hearing how worked up their lover will be once they get back into their arms.
Add in spice slowly by asking them what would they want you to do to them after. This puts the ball in their court, gives you consent to what they say they would like, and ramps up the anticipation something wicked. Punch it up by interjecting softly as they talk with short phrases like “Oh, that’s hot,” or “Oh, please tell me more about ___.” I never advocate for cutting someone off or talking over others. This is the only space where it really can enhance a conversation though. It psychologically triggers the listener (so long as you are adding in your personal purr!) to feel that you are invested in the conversation. Now, I hope that you actually are, but even if you are just trying to get things sizzling for later, this technique will work.
4. Red Light, Green Light
Be sure to insert some dramatic pauses, right as you are getting to the steamiest segments. And, it doesn’t have to be with a cliché moan or groan either. Those have their place, but when starting out with phone sex, most overuse them, and it can kill the mood you are trying to set. Think authentic, rather than, “Am I being sexy enough?” If you are allowing your libido to do the talking, then you are doing it right.
Also, remember to pace yourself. When we get too excited, we tend to speak too fast. This is doubly true when we are nervous or unsure. Take a deep breath in, and don’t even fear your partner hearing it. Loud exhales can signal that someone is getting revved up!
5. Avoiding the Iceberg
Everyone asks, what if it goes wrong? What if your partner isn’t receptive, or despite your best attempt, everything starts falling apart? Do not despair, and take a massive breath. None of us pros are bulletproof either. The key thing to remember is not to force it. Take a moment and talk normally again. Reattempt later in the conversation to bring things back up by being more direct if beating around the bush wasn’t ramping things up. Did things get hot and heavy, but a bucket of cold water rained down? Backtrack to when the sailing was smooth or just give a little giggle. Admit the moment happens and then get back into it with a lighter handed version of what you were talking about. Sometimes that awkwardness is just both sides being too scared to admit that this just happened.
This all goes back to just remember we are human, and it is a powerful move to shrug your shoulders and say, “Whoops,” even in the bedroom. Think about all the times you have had sex prior, and something happened that disrupted the flow. How did you handle it? Sure sometimes it is a boner killer, but a lot of times, the moment passes, you smirk, and pull your person closer! Be the person to say, “Yeah that happened, but I am still down.”
Lastly, remember to listen to your partner! Allowing them to interject or asking them, “How does this sound?” invites them to help spice things up. Hearing how excited you are will inevitably make them reciprocate in kind. Just think, how hot is it to hear how turned on you are making them feel? It also takes the pressure off of you to keep things going or come up with the next thing to say. Cowrite your adventure and enjoy the sexual rollercoaster that you crafted together with your salacious tongue!
