Did you know May was National Masturbation Month?
Sadly, this piece is not as timely as I’d hoped. But honestly, there’s never a bad time to start giving yourself a hand(or a few fingers) when it comes to your pleasure. While women are more honestly reporting the fact that *gasp* they do masturbate—the messages of guilt and shame surrounding a woman’s pussy, and more importantly, women’s pleasure, do prevent quite a few totally capable ladies from giving themselves a hand when it comes to self-pleasure.
But what if you’ve never really masturbated before or masturbate very rarely? What if you’re in a relationship? What if you have some idea that maybe you don’t wanna touch yourself with your hands because maybe your nails are too long or something? We’ll talk about some of the most commonly asked questions and discuss the benefits of masturbation—so that by the end of this piece you’ll be ready to fly solo any time the urge strikes!
1. I’ve never masturbated before. How do I get started?
Masturbating is not about rushing through anything. So the ordinary rules of not making your pussy go from 0 to 60 still apply here—meaning, it takes time for her to get warmed up. That being said, give your brain a chance to relax too, as your brain really is your sexiest organ. Watch some erotic movies that you like or read some erotic fiction. Sit in your bathtub with some scented oil or lie in your bed with quiet music. Close your eyes and run your hands over your body. Play with your breasts, lightly let your fingers roam over your abdomen or along your inner thighs. Maybe lightly run your fingers through your hair, as your scalp generally has a lot of sensitive nerve endings. There’s really no wrong way to get started. Different things work for different people, so don’t be afraid to try multiple things.
2. I feel weird touching my vagina with my fingers. Is it dirty? Safe? What if my nails are too sharp and I hurt myself?
First of all, nothing bad is going to happen to you when you touch yourself directly with your fingers or hands. Your vagina is not inherently dirty, nor will it swallow your fingers up like a venus fly trap for daring to give yourself pleasure. In fact, when your vagina is healthy, you might notice your own unique scent that you might have never noticed before. But, don’t worry, that is you! And you smell lovely! (However, if you notice any irritation, a fishy smell, or any other strange odor, make sure you don’t have a yeast infection or any other infection that could be harming your lovely lady parts).
If your nails are too long, then you can easily clip them, but if you’re attached or say you still feel kinda weird about it, don’t worry! There are plenty of women who aren’t crazy about using their fingers. That’s why there are a variety of sex toys out there that can help you do the job while you focus your hands on other parts of your body!
I highly recommend vibrating panties or any kind of vibrator with multiple settings and vibratory patterns. I love Lelo, but any brand with body-safe toys will do!
3. What if I don’t orgasm?
That is fine! The goal of any good masturbatory session is not to orgasm (though it’s a plus), but to relax and give yourself some love. Some women orgasm when they masturbate, some women don’t. Some women only orgasm with partners. Some women only can by themselves. Most importantly, practice makes perfect. And while you might not orgasm the first time you self pleasure, that doesn’t mean you won’t as you get better at it in the future.
4. What if I’m in a relationship?
Many women believe that masturbating is only something that single women do because they’re not getting any. However, they’re misinformed! Many women do and should masturbate even when they’re in a relationship! Not only does it boost your self-esteem, but it also makes you better informed as to what works for your body when having sex with your partner. You can then tell your partner what you really like and then they can please you! Not to mention, watching each other masturbate is super hot.
5. Are fingers and toys the only ways to get off masturbating?
No! Some women love lying in a tub of running water and masturbating there. (Bonus points if you have one of those removable shower heads.) The water pressure can make for an incredibly pleasurable experience. Other women get off by riding something. Remember grinding in high school? You can do that yourself on the corner of a couch or chair. Just make sure it’s clean!
6. When should I masturbate?
It’s up to you, really. There are no wrong times to do it (though, I’d recommend doing it in private). Some people masturbate in the mornings, as they find it’s a great way to start their day. Some people masturbate at the end of the day as a way to relax. Some people masturbate while their partner’s in the other room, some people wait until everyone is asleep or when the house is empty. You do you.
The Benefits of Masturbation
Besides feeling super awesome, there are actual mental and physical health benefits to masturbating. A few are listed below, but pretty much everyone will tell you that a regular dose of self love will do all of these things and more:
- Makes you happier: Sure, Elle Woods said exercise releases endorphins, but you know what else does? Orgasms. Plus, when you masturbate you get those orgasms all by yourself.
- Makes you more comfortable in your body: We’re all about being #bodypositive around here. The benefits of masturbation allow you get to know your body better and that’s an incredibly empowering thing!
- Relieves stress: Life is busy and stressful! Masturbating means you can relieve that stress yourself. Win!
- Builds Kegel muscles: You’re literally exercising your vagina when you masturbate, which honestly is way more fun than flexing and releasing your lady parts while you’re running late to your appointment in your car.
- Makes sex better: You know your body—your partner doesn’t (at least, not as well as you do). Use that to both your advantages by having the most satisfying sex ever, while simultaneously skipping that whole awkward, “Um, that feels weird.” Total buzzkill.
- No bad side effects: No STIs and no risk of pregnancy.
- Keeps you in practice: If you’re in between partners, keep your sexual parts lubed and in shape so you never miss a beat once you do try partnered sex again!
- Boosts your immune system: The release of warrior cells while you’re masturbating means that they’ll fight off any sickness you might have going on. Next time you have a cold, try it out. It’ll help!
- Relieves menstrual cramps: Yeah, you heard me right. All of those feel-good hormones act as muscle relaxers. This can fulfill your menstrual horniness without having a penis in there hitting up your cervix and making your cramps even worse!
- Helps you sleep: Insomnia no more! Next time you’re up in the night, trying getting frisky with yourself. You’ll find that the boost in dopamine (after your orgasm) which will totally help you relax so you can fall right back to sleep.
