This is probably not a conversation you’ll be having with the girlfriends – unless it really it your thang. Probably this started off as a tiny seed, planted when watching a movie perhaps. A saucy scene where masked people frolic and fuck (or pretend to). It seems freeing, sensual and totally off limits.

Maybe it started when your partner brought it up. At first it might have been shocking, and maybe it ended in a fight. But now you’re kinda thinking about it. Maybe this isn’t your story. Maybe it is. It doesn’t matter; the point is, it has all culminated to this moment where you’re asking yourself if you should go to a sex party.

Congratulations. Now read our handy guide.

Editor’s Note: This post uses gendered language at times, but can apply to individuals and couples involving partners of any gender.

Are you going alone?

Sex parties are fun together or alone. Most parties allow single women but many don’t allow a lot of single men (for obvious reasons – you don’t want a party filled with men and like, two women). Going alone might be liberating or terrifying depending on where you stand. If you feel better showing your freaky side to a group of strangers, then sure it’s liberating. If not, it could lean towards terrifying. If you’re in a relationship, then it makes this a lot easier. Just show up with your partner!

What kind of party?

Picking your first party is crucial. If you just blindly go to anything with the word “sex” on it, don’t be surprised if you end up in a BDSM party with whips and fisting – which could very well be your thing! Are you going for a straight up sex party, a kink party, a swinger party? If you’re with your partner, perhaps a swinger party might be your thing. Also, I personally would splurge a little to get into a more exclusive party if this is your first time, as more exclusive parties usually screen who is coming. Somehow going to someone’s home with a bunch of chairs arranged in a circle with a group of naked men sitting in them is just not my thing.

Parties these days are super sophisticated with some organizers taking over whole hotels and ships to throw major, week long sex extravaganzas! People who have been rave about them! They’re expensive and might be a bit intense, so I’d definitely start smaller with a single party.

Maybe a club?

Sometimes going to a sex or swinger club might just be the easier option. It’s a lot less stress too – it’s like going to a regular club, except that you can have sex in the back (and not in a toilet).

Do you have to fuck?

Fuck no. I know, you’re going to fuck, but you don’t have to. Not everyone who comes to these parties is experienced. Some, like yourself, are new to the scene. At a good party there are usually some pretty strict rules in place – permission is always needed before any action happens – which is why it’s important to get to a good party with organizers who know how to keep things so everyone has fun and no one feels violated.

Back to fucking, some places don’t let you stand around staring at others fucking unless you happen to be fucking too. Some places allow voyeurism. But whatever it is, do not feel pressured to fuck unless you really want to. It is also totally okay to come with a partner and only fuck your partner. Sometimes it’s just totally hot to look around and see all the action and fuck. Basically what I’m trying to say is that the rules are whatever you want them to be. If you want to fuck then do so. No one is judging. But if you’re not feeling it, don’t worry about it. Have a drink and chill out!

Communicate.

If you’re going with your partner, you better lay down the rules before you get there. This is non-negotiable. It is super important that you both know what’s happening. Do you full swap (both of you exchange partners to fuck with another couple), do you soft swap (girls play with each other but no fucking)? Can you both fuck in other rooms? Or both in the same? Whatever it is, just make sure you cover it all so that there’s no hard feelings.

It will change your life!

There is nothing like walking into a room of sexually awake women who are totally comfortable with their bodies and aren’t ashamed of showing it. Somehow for me it feels more real to me in a sex party than in a regular one. Everyone is naked and vulnerable and it is glorious. And if you find a sexy person/couple/etc to shag, and you have a great experience it will feel even more glorious.

The important thing to remember is there is no pressure to do anything and no judgement, but it is a space for you to let loose and have fun. So the answer is yes. Yes you should go to a sex party. So go get some!