After a few years of using the end of my electronic razor as a vibrator substitute, it finally dawned on me that I had never actually used a sex toy. Despite my favor for masochism and general kinks, everything up until now had involved hands-only work.

I had made use of general objects with previous sexual partners including belts, collars, and tape, but it occurred to me that I had never, in fact, used a foreign object in order to get off. In my defense, I like the ‘real deal’ – as most individuals do. Who doesn’t love the skin on skin passionate love-making?

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My last fuck involved the guy stopping halfway through to drink a whole can of OJ (seriously, WTF dude?!). After the initial OJ experience, I figured I would never fuck again. My horniness had gone out of the window and my hopes for passionate lovemaking were drowned in a puddle of non-existent cum. After two months without a fuck, I came to the conclusion that I was in need of an orgasm which wasn’t all down to my right hand.

Fortunately, within the last two weeks, probably due to a visit from Mother Nature, my sex drive appeared to have been reincarnated into that of a teenager’s. With no visible penis in sight, I figured a trip to the sex shop was in order.

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As I observed the vast range of phallus-shaped contraptions, I wondered how on earth some of them could fit inside me, let alone how they worked in the first place. It only seemed right, as a sex-toy amateur, to start cheap and cheerful. This came in the form of a bullet. Everyone I know owns a bullet. It is practically a second lipstick to some people.

Sending vibrations to your clit via a small button, the bullet-sized toy can send your nerves flying. Before I left the shop the cashier said “enjoy” to which I responded with a grateful “thank you” prior to thoughts of me experiencing the wildest night of my life. Me, myself, and my bullet. Together forever.

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When I got in the following day, I figured I had to test out my new lover. I felt a nervous nostalgia overcome me, like the feeling when I first got felt up by my teenage crush at the age of 15. Alone in my double bed with my phone in one hand and the bullet in my other, I was ready. After a long time searching for the perfect porn video, I found one.

The girl was dressed as a cheerleader and her parents were away for the night. With a favor for teasing myself, I watched the video for 20 minutes, wriggling as I felt myself getting wetter. Finally, I turned on the bullet and proceeded to squirm in both delight and slight hesitation as I felt the vibrations against my clit. 15 seconds in and I had come.

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