Porn, Personally

I’m a woman who watches mainstream, male-directed porn and I’m not going to lie to you, I love it. I can almost never get through more than a ten minute clip without cumming so hard that I can just get up, wash my toy, and put it away. I also have a college degree in a sociological/psychological science and I understand the harm that pornography can do to women, our perceptions of what normal bodies and sex look like, as well as to human beings’ dignities and quality of life.

While I acknowledge the the points and stories of people who are affected negatively by porn, I still watch it often. For me, porn was really instrumental to figuring out what I like and what turns me on. Imagine with me if you will, an 18-year-old who has been having sex since she was 15, but only because it’s what people wanted from her; imagine this 18-year-old finally being treated for the depression she didn’t know she had and beginning to actually enjoy sex for the first time in three years. Obviously that 18-year-old was me, and I was at an important crossroads – I could have continued having sex the way I thought would serve men most, or I could figure out what I wanted in bed and learn to really enjoy sex. I chose the second option, and thank god I did because four years later I’m sexually satisfied, experienced, and very confident in bed, and I thank porn for that.

Make Porn Work for You

Figuring out what you’re into through porn is actually quite easy, there are only a few steps, and none of them are hard (but the dicks/phallic objects are). The only semi-difficult thing about using porn to personalize your sex life, is that it might take some time to explore what’s out there. There are a lot of different folks and they all have different strokes!

The Steps:

  1. Keep an open mind! I’m serious. I’m into some weird shit (or some non-traditional shit, I should say, because I don’t believe in kink shaming). This process might show you that you’re really into anal when previously you thought it was disgusting. It happens and it’s okay. It means nothing about you as a person, and you might actually end up changing your mind about what you’re comfortable with. Also, keep in mind, it can be interesting to explore kinks or themes you don’t understand the attraction of. I watched midget porn once because I didn’t understand what that fascination was about (I still don’t, but I can say that I’ve tried).
  2. Categories are your friends: Start in a category you’re comfortable with and watch some videos, then branch out in that category to things you didn’t watch at first. Once you’ve acclimated yourself to that, choose some common themes and hop on over to that category. The important thing is to keep changing categories!
  3. Know/Learn your limits: If you find something you really don’t like, you don’t have to keep trying – knowing something you don’t like might get you closer to the things you do like!
  4. Use the features! Pornhub (the site I use, but is in no way sponsoring this post) will sh0w you what porn stars are in the film, what channel that video came from, and related videos. This is how you can find things you really like! If I accidentally pick a video I’m not super into, I always try the related videos first before doing an entirely new search and it works about 90% of the time. Ditto if you think one porn star or another is really hot!
  5. Keep trying! This takes time. The things we like can change, can turn out to actually not be something we like at all, or can just be plain old hard to figure out. Don’t get discouraged, I promise you’ll find your niche with lots of practice!
  6. Communicate: Once you find something you like, let your partner know (eventually, or if you ever choose to have one). Personally, I like to begin new sexual relationships by trading links to porn videos we like, so that we’re able to see what the other is into. Not only is it hot, you can also learn something new and find things you have in common with potential partners.

Simple, isn’t it? Porn can be your friend if you let it, and it can teach you what you want in your sex life, because its just that, YOUR sex life! I hope that my method of sexploration works for you, and if it doesn’t, I wish you speed and efficiency in finding what does. I just want the entire world to have orgasms, it’s my strategy for world peace. Good luck and happy searching!