Tell me, what springs to mind when you hear the words ‘female ejaculation’? For me, it’s the brutally clear mental image of a platinum blonde porn star, with enormous tits, squatting over a hugely well endowed man, furiously rubbing herself until she leaks her love juice all over her mate’s chest. Thus, however, is a fond but distant memory. As you may or may not have heard, at the end of 2014, a long list of sexual acts were banned from British porn – female ejaculation being one of them. (Squirting, however, remains the third most searched category in Australia – Aussie rules!)

What is Female Ejaculation?

I’ll be damned if the majority of young men and women even know what female ejaculation- or vajaculation- is. I sure as hell didn’t. I remember being 16 or 17, and being asked if I could squirt by one of the pubescent teen boys who I was romancing at the time. I knew I couldn’t but that didn’t stop me from spending hours of my summer holiday locked in the bathroom drinking pints and pints of water and trying to ‘completely relax’ as I came multiple times. Still, nada.

Reportedly, there are two types of ejaculating if you’re a woman. You either release a small amount of white-ish fluid on climax or a much larger amount of liquid, making it look like you’ve wet the bed – or, perhaps you’re not a squirting Sally at all and prefer to keep things clean and tidy. Whilst we’re on the subject of wetting the bed, though, it’s time to put the rumours at rest. Scientists still aren’t 100% sure what female ejaculate is.  It does contain trace amounts of urine (but so does semen, for that matter), but it’s largely composed of other fluids.

It’s Not Pee!

Reportedly, some men can be repulsed by the thought of vajaculation, as they might believe they’re being pissed on. Most men that I’ve met, however, find it incredibly arousing to be able to sexually satisfy a woman in such a way – and there’s never any chat about golden showers. I’ve also read that lesbian couples are more likely to make each other squirt than a heterosexual couple as a result of the mutual respect and comfort around each other. Also, maybe it’s a little easier to find the G-Spot with a finger rather than bashing around at it with a meat log. Just a thought.

Way back when in 4th Century China, liquids excreted during orgasm were believed to be permeated with mystical and healing properties!

How to Squirt

Still to this day, people are questioning the existence of the marvel that is the G-Spot! (For crying out loud – one to two inches into the vagina on the front wall, the little bumpy area? Bingo). Kegels help! Try squeezing as if you’re holding in a wee for as long as you can, then letting go and repeating. They are completely subtle and so easy to do, and are popularly done at one’s desk – repeating as many times as possible, you know, before you have to go into a meeting or something.

So! Practicing at home is as simple as you make it. Don’t be put off if you struggle the first few times – as always, practice is key and the art of vajaculation is not an easy one to perfect. Initiate sexual contact until your partner is suitably turned on and you’re getting moister by the minute – the time to soak him in God’s juices is now. Try a couple of different positions to scope out what feels best. A little cowgirl action often scores the winning goal (but if the rodeo ain’t right, hop off the bull), though equally as pleasurable is one of the many variations of missionary – holding your legs open by your head and resting your ankles on his shoulders, lying on your bed with him on his knees and having him lift your hips up to meet him, et cetera. (Beware, the latter of these positions is not easy if you’ve sporting anything over a d-cup. It’s pretty suffocating.)

Once you’ve worked out what works for you, take it steady. Start off slow. Have him reach down/around and stimulate your clit while you lose yourself in pleasure. Once you feel like you’re close to orgasm, make sure you are completely relaxed. Clench your kegel muscles and get down to business. Should you feel like you’re about to pee all over him, try not to panic. Just go with it. Make sure you remained completely unperturbed and turned on. From then, build up until you’re breathing quickens and your moaning gets louder. Being on top is favored here, so you can be completely in control and can speed up/slow down in response to whatever your body wants. As long as you remember that sometimes an orgasm takes a little time, you’re essentially there from this point. The final step is to keep listening to your body and welcome the climax as it pours over you in waves of pleasure.

Ahhhhhhhhh bliss.