So I’m sure that all of us out there who are interested in men, or pay any attention to their actions in the news, have noticed that they are generally… well, huge dicks – both to women and to each other.

They do that cute little: “Hey I’m gonna text you for nudes when we haven’t talked in a month and then make you feel bitchy for not doing it, or disappoint you when I don’t text you in morning if you do.”

Or the: “Yeah, you were cool, but you did something nice for me, so I’m gonna lose my shit because I think you’re too attached and not just a decent human being.”

OR my personal favorite: “I’m going to make the laws and decisions concerning women’s bodies without taking their feelings and opinions into account.”

With each other, men get along well and in an uncomplicated manner, unless they feel threatened physically or intellectually. They’re very primal when it comes to their own insecurities. In fact, ever noticed how they do that “my dick’s bigger than yours” thing figuratively – and sometimes literally? Well if you delve into it, that’s probably why they’re such jerkwads toward the female gender.

I know this doesn’t quite compute, so let me get scientific and obnoxious as shit right quick. As a fetus develops it is inherently female (thus the reason behind men’s nipples) and might just have the possibility of growing that wonderful appendage, the penis. The male reproductive organs are generally defined by an X and Y chromosome, while females get double X’s.

What most people don’t consider though is how much smaller the Y chromosome is than the X chromosome. In fact, it’s only one third the size of its X-rated partner! And, although it carries many other genes that determine the genetic and physical makeup of a biological man, there’s no denying it’s much more minute. In general, guys don’t always care about what’s inside, like those genes or someone else’s feelings, but instead what’s outside, like that length… of their Y chromosome.

So my theory is that guys have to be such assholes because they’re jealous that we have two full sized chromosomes whilst they only have one and a third. I mean, I’m only one woman, but I believe that it makes sense. Subconsciously men are all insecure about their size, therefore they’re just naturally inconsiderate because they’re jealous.

Note: This article is satirical and does not reflect my actual opinions about men.