Ask the Slut is a weekly advice column that answers your questions about sex, dating, and all the Slutty Girl Problems in between.

This week’s column covers classic questions about losing your virginity, like: When should you have sex? How do I find the right guy? Will my first time hurt? Is it awkward to lose your virginity? Should I tell him I’m a virgin?

No question is off limits.

Dear Sensible Slut,

I’m 20, and I’m still a virgin. I really wanna do it this year! I wish I had gotten rid of it back in high school, but I never had the opportunity. I’ve always wanted to have sex, but I really wanted to do it with a good guy, and not a total douche bag! I’d like to do it with a good friend, but don’t want to make everything awkward. I don’t want to be a virgin anymore. Is it awkward and painful? What should I do?

First Time Anxiety

Dear Normal First Time Anxiety,

First, accept a few facts about your first time:

• It’s going to be awkward (probably).
• It’s going to be uncomfortable (at least a little).
• It’s going to be overwhelming and weird.
• All of these things are true because it’s something totally new that you’ve never experienced before.

So what’s the best thing you can do?

Follow your instincts, First Time, and don’t rush it. Before you have sex, it feels like this huge, looming mystery – and I totally understand the feeling of just wanting to get rid of it! But the right time will come, and there will be PLENTY of time to have random sex after you pop that cherry. Don’t feel any pressure to lose it before you’re ready.

Once you’re ready, the first time can still be awkward, painful, or confusing… and it can bring up a lot of emotions you didn’t even realize you had. Your first time won’t be perfect, and having a kind, gentle partner will make a huge difference. Choose someone you’re comfortable with, who will be slow, understanding, and attentive to your needs. Whether it’s your best friend, boyfriend, or a good friend, open communication is key. And doing it with someone who cares about you and respects you as a friend (or more) will eliminate the douche bag problem during and after you have sex.

The most important thing is that you are comfortable, not just the first time, but every time you have sex. It is your choice, and aim to be 100% sure and confident, so you have no regrets. You deserve to have sex with good guys! The time will come, and there will be tons of sex to have after that!

Also, be sure to use lube and condoms… and stock up ahead of time so you’re prepared when the time comes.

Happy Sexing,
The Sensible Slut

Dear Sensible Slut,

How do I bring up the fact that I’m a virgin? Do you think I should tell him or not? I’m afraid if I tell him, it will make things awkward, and if I don’t tell him, he will think I’m bad at sex!

Say It or Slay It

I’m a big believer that the more communication, the better, Say It. Not just for your first time, but every time you have sex! If you can’t be open with your partner, you probably shouldn’t be having sex with them. That said, sharing private info is your choice, and you don’t need to tell your partner if you don’t want to. But bringing it up has it’s advantages. It could encourage your partner to go slow, take special care, and show you the ropes. He might even feel honored that you chose him for your first time! It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and with the right guy, it won’t be awkward.

Say It Before You Slay It,
The Sensible Slut

Dear Sensible Slut,

I am a virgin but you have no idea how bad I want to lose it. I’m 19 and I always have the urge, but I don’t wanna be a fuck and chuck to some random guy. I’ve waited so long for the right one, but now I just wanna get rid of it and unleash my sexual side! (I have a big one.) I want to start having sex, but I’m having a hard time getting over the fact that I’ll be losing my virginity. I don’t wanna lose it to just anyone but I can’t wait to have endless sex! Agh!

Slut Up and Let It Go

I had the same feelings as you, Slut Up… pent-up sexual energy just waiting to be released. But, I put so much value and worth in the idea of “virginity” that I wasn’t able to let go and allow myself to have the experiences I wanted.

Virginity just means “hasn’t had sex yet” – it doesn’t make you pure or a saint, and “losing” it doesn’t make you feel much different, either. It just makes you a person who knows what sex feels like, and starts your long journey of learning what you like, dislike, and what feels best for you.

The best case scenario is to have sex with someone who is caring, understanding, and slow to have a great first time experience. Once you get going, you’ll never look back. In fact, you’ll wonder what all the “virginity” fuss was about in the first place.

Let the sexscapades begin!
The Sensible Slut

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