We’ve all been there. You wake up the next morning in bed with your ex, or, perhaps yet, to see you’ve sent him seven texts and he’s replied to…zero. So. Embarrassing. Instead of embarrassing yourself this weekend, I propose you don’t drink. Haha, OMG, I’m totally kidding. Instead, delete your ex’s number, and when your iPhone refuses to forget it anyway, text one of these eight people instead.
1. Your best friend
Tell your bestie how much you love her. Hell, tell her how much you want to text your ex and have her tell you off. Your girls are here for you, even when fuckboys aren’t.
2. That hot guy you haven’t seen in three years
If he doesn’t answer your text, what have you got to lose? Nothing, because you never see him anyway. Give it a try and reach out to him for the attention you’re either not getting or shouldn’t be getting from your ex.
3. Your favorite company
Honestly, I have a bone to pick with Ocean Spray, and I might draft up a drunk e-mail to them this weekend. I love their Cran Energy juice, and I love their Cran Mango juice. Where is the Cran Mango Energy?! Draft up an e-mail to your favorite brand, and maybe they’ll send you a freebie or something.
4. Your celebrity crush
Once I Instagram DMed Pete Davidson (of SNL fame) a photo of me eating a chicken wing. He didn’t answer. But I mean, it was less embarrassing than when my ex ignores me.
5. Your internet crush
I also have a crush on Wahlid of Vine fame. I Snapchat him on the regs. He never answers, but he views them. Also kind of like my ex. Shit. All of my famous crushes treat me like my ex does, now that I think about it…
6. Your mom
She’s your Number One supporter! Or at least I’m lucky enough that mine is. However, only plan to do this up until a certain point of the night. Otherwise you’re just going to keep her up late and annoy her.
7. A Tinder random
Swipe right until someone gives you his number and text him instead.
8. That guy you hooked up with in 2011
Like honestly, anything is better than your ex. Anything.
Anything is better than texting your ex. If your sober self still has the craving, maybe think about it, but if the alcohol’s talking, the answer is no. Put your phone down and don’t embarrass yourself. I do it enough for the both of us.