Have you ever observed a baby? They are the ultimate flirts! We are born playful and carefree. This is why flirting is so enjoyable. It’s a chance to tap into the natural sensual selves that have been in us since the day we were born. As we grow up, we are shamed for flirting. We are told that if you flirt with someone it means you want to have sex with them, meaning you must be a slut. We begin to only flirt with people we’re interested in, making it somewhat of a rare activity. Because of the lack of practice, a lot of us feel like we don’t know what we’re doing. It’s also common to feel embarrassment from it because of the “slutty” stigma attached to it. You can unlearn what society has taught you and proudly get your flirt on. Plus, those who flirt on a regular basis are healthier, with higher white blood cell counts. Here’s our guide to flirting for grown-ups.
1. Use your eyes.
Prolonged eye contact shows you’re interested and makes it more likely the reciprocate will be attracted to you. There are a couple of different ways to flirt with your eyes.
- If you’re trying to attract someone, keep looking at them until you lock eyes. Hold eye contact, even if it feels too forward. Don’t just look at them like a deer in headlights; feel the seductress within. Your head should be slightly tilted, and your eyes slightly squinted. A total of three prolonged eye locks raises your chances of being approached.
- Once you are talking to them, make sure to make eye contact whenever you can. Looking at someone from the side or looking slightly up at them makes you seem more alluring. An occasional eyebrow lift can go a long way too, making you seem more confident.
- Wear eye makeup. Eye makeup can take away some of the jobs for you. Makeup highlights your eyes, making someone more likely to take notice of them. Try not to put on extremely heavy eye makeup. The point is to have them drawn to your eyes, not be distracted by the makeup around them. But remember, if you feel like wearing drastic eye makeup because it makes you feel sexy, go for it.
- Set the intention to seduce them with your eyes. Once you have that goal in mind, it’ll feel natural.
Possible road blocker: Nerves. Most people don’t make eye contact because of anxiety, lack of confidence, or fear of rejection. Make sure negative thoughts are out of your head when trying to make eye contact. Think to yourself, “I’m so sexy and they are so lucky they get to see this sensual side to me.”
2. Use your mouth.
Most people will say that if they keep looking at someone’s lips, they want to kiss. Presenting your lips in an attractive way is a powerful tool for seduction. Ever see Girl With a Pearl Earring with Scarlett Johansson? There’s one scene where the artist tells her to wet her lips over and over. Of course, she obliges slowly and subtly, making it one of the sexiest scenes ever. Like your eyes, your lips can be intoxicating. Here are some ways to use those lips of yours:
- When they are looking at you occasionally wet or bite your lips. But do it slower than you normally would. If you are going for more of a forward approach, do it as you make eye contact. If not, do it while looking away, allowing them to feel free to stare at your lips without distraction.
- Smile when you want to smile. If it feels natural, don’t stop yourself from smiling. Smiling is associated with happiness, so the more you do it, the more they will associate you with positive emotions.
- Use makeup. Ideally, you should wear any lip gloss or Chapstick that’s either shiny or sparkly with a tint of pink to it. With bold lipstick, it’s hard to notice the actual lips when you’re focused on what’s on them. You want to draw attention to the actual mouth itself, not the product. But the most important thing is to wear what makes you confident because that will make you shine the most.
When I say to tease, I mean two different things. You can tease by building suspense. And you can tease by joking around.
- Only tease to build suspense if you have the intention of not teasing them forever. ‘Cause that would be just mean, right? You can do this in countless ways. Just think of something they want to know and tease them just a bit. Teasing entices people because of the feeling of mystery it causes. For example, if you’re texting a guy you’re about to see, you could say, “If you play your cards right tonight, you may even get a kiss.” For the rest of the night, he’ll be wondering if he’ll be getting that kiss or not. You could even tease him throughout the night by saying something like, “Your dancing is bringing you one step closer to that kiss.”
- Teasing someone by joking around is a bit more complicated than it seems. Some people are more sensitive than others, which is why it’s important to start light while you tease someone new. While some people love good banter, which usually involves basically making fun of each other, others would be insulted by what you might see as just poking fun. How they joke with you is how you’ll know how to joke with them. It’s important to be sensitive to the person in front of you.
4. Make them feel interesting.
Making others feel magnetic is the key to making yourself magnetic. When you are talking to someone, completely focus on them. Have you ever been talking to someone who keeps looking around and not at you? It’s extremely unattractive. People remember how you make them feel. If you make people feel special, they will want to be around you more.
5. Enjoy yourself.
Because that’s the whole point! These tips I’m giving you are just suggestions to get you started. Your natural instincts will guide you once you ask yourself a simple question: How can I fully enjoy myself right now? There are different types of flirting, some of which have nothing to do with seducing a potential partner. You can flirt with your friends, animals, yourself, etc. The one thing all evolved flirting has in common is it’s meant to make you and others have fun. The way to be an authentic flirt is to do what makes you feel sexy and alive.
Some Common Flirting Mistakes
On the other hand, there are definite errors that many people make when it comes to flirting. Here’s what to avoid.
1. Telling them what they do is cute.
Unless they’re picking up a puppy or a baby, people can take being called cute the wrong way. Let’s say you meet someone who says they’re a nurse. Instead of saying something like “that’s so cute”, try something more in the lines of “I’ve always wondered what that would be like. Tell me more.”
2. Flirting only to get what you want.
Most of us get in the habit of using flirting with the goal to get something from someone. Flirting is about having fun and feeling alive with those around you. This will attract the right people to you. If you use flirting only as a tool for manipulation, you won’t attract the right people.
3. Only talking about yourself instead of listening and asking questions.
People often think to attract someone they have to share their best qualities and accomplishments. This can come off as unengaging and/or braggy. In reality, people are attracted to those who make them feel interesting. So instead of trying to have them get to know you, set the intention of getting to know them. If they have the same goal, it’s bound to be a great time.
4. Touching too much or not touching enough.
Yes, touch heightens attraction, but it lowers it if there’s too much too soon. Start off slow with a friendly touch on the back or hand. Don’t linger. See how they respond to that, and you’ll figure out the rest. A pro flirting move is touching their face or hair, but that should first be done lightly and only when there has been a decent amount of touching beforehand. Remember, some people are weird about their hair and face being touched.
5. Never practicing.
If you rarely flirt, you’re not going to feel very confident doing it, now are you? When you get ready in the morning, flirt with yourself in the mirror. You’ll know you’re doing it right when you feel playful and sexy. It’s also healthy and normal to flirt with people around you that you’re not interested in sexually. When you have pure intentions, it won’t come off like you’re coming onto them. And if they think you are, just chuckle to yourself and move on.
6. Lack of eye contact.
I can’t stress this enough! Engaging eye contact is the most alluring thing you can offer someone. I stress practicing this in the mirror.
7. Too much joking around.
When you’re flirting, it’s important to balance teasing and being serious. For example, a powerful tool is to give someone a sincere compliment, then make a joke to diffuse the tension. For example, you could say, “You’re so handsome.” Let them accept the compliment then say, “but your personality is kinda eh.” Make it obvious you’re joking, and it will totally charm them.