When you move in with a new partner… desire may become a faint memory, and intimacy feels more like conversations about chores than true connection and romance. With the compounding stress, even the most minute details of daily life and feel more like conflict.
1. Prioritize weekly sex.
Let go of the idea that sex is the reward for your partner’s good behavior, a good date, or simply getting along well that evening. Set aside time for sex that’s designed to enhance your relationship. Sex can be the cure to help you connect and improve your relationship, rather than the reward for it. Often, having sex can allow both of your walls to come down and have more meaning conversations, where you feel truly seen and heard, after that release.
2. When you want to distance yourself, dive in instead.
Often when we feel unappreciated, unheard, unseen, and uncared about, we defend ourselves through distancing, shutting down, and tuning out. This serves only to divide you and your partner further apart than bring you closer together. If you are feeling the walls go up around you, actively work to break them down. Sex can be used as a means to build a bridge and feel more connected and understood.
3. Think about sex as you do daily hygiene.
Sex is just as important as brushing your teeth or taking a bath. Regardless of how tired you are, how much work you have to do, or how stressed your life makes you… you make time to take care of your hygiene. Why not prioritize sex in the same way? When you start to re-prioritize sex, or even thinking about sexuality, daily it begins to re-train your brain to see it’s importance. No matter what’s going on around you, bringing that energy into your world can transform how you feel about it.
4. Create an intimate context.
Cultivate the art of arousal by awakening your senses and focusing on your desires. Create a context that speaks to your eroticism, whether that be low lights, candles, and sweet scents, or leather, lace, and latex. Focus on what turns you on, and strategically use it to your advantage to light the sensual spark inside you.
5. Actively work toward better communication.
Regular, weekly talks will go a long way to keeping you connected, both in and out of the bedroom. In these moments, turn the world away to truly connect with one another, address any issues, and allow yourself to hear and see each other without judgement or criticism. Being truly seen and understood in this way helps to deepen your relationship’s fundamental connection, which in turn will allow you to relate better in the bedroom.