Hypothetical situation: Your ex shows up drunk and rambling about how you’re the love of his life and he won’t ever let you go. The psycho grabs your arm a little too hard and you hit him over the head with a frying pan. QUICK! Who do you call?
That one name that just flew into your head is officially your Partner in Crime. She’s the person that doesn’t judge you, gets you laid, picks you up the morning after, and (according to our hypothetical situation) helps you bury a body. This is extremely similar to the Internet sensation where they say, “You still love him, huh? One name flew into your mind…” Blah blah blah. However, a Partner in Crime is there for a hell of a lot longer than the douchebag that broke your heart two years ago. She is the friend that could move across the country, hate your boyfriend, or even tell you the $300 handbag you bought is hideous – without you cutting her out for good. She was probably at your 21st birthday; she probably picked you up when you fell down the stairs outside of the bar, and she might have yelled at everyone, “IT’S OKAY, IT’S HER BIRTHDAY!” before she proceeded to carry you home and hold your hair back while you puked.
This particular friend goes beyond the term “best friend” and even further than a “sister”, because we all know those assholes judge us when we fuck up. The Partner in Crime Snapchats you from a guy’s bathroom, texts you when she has one too many before she has to go to work, and lets you know every Sunday morning that she needs help justifying her decisions. We not only reciprocate this behavior, but we thank god that we aren’t alone with our appalling judgments (or lack thereof).
Another hypothetical: You’re in a bar, a cute guy is buying you drinks, and your PIC is looking at you with pursed lips and slightly shakes her head at you. Maybe you’re too far gone to notice the subtle sign, so she makes you go to the bathroom with her instead and tells you, “He is not as cute as your drunk ass thinks he is.” You immediately close your tab and ditch out for another bar before the creep can see you, hating that your beer goggles have failed you once more. She saved you from the shame of the next morning when you look over and wonder when vodka turned you into someone without standards, or eyes.
Not only does your cohort help you get drunk, laid, and in trouble whenever the opportunity presents itself, she’s there when life doesn’t quite work out the way you think it will. Maybe when your first love decides you aren’t for him; maybe when you make a stupid decision and lose your first love due to your own mistakes; or even just when it all gets to be too much and all you need is wine and a Sex and the City marathon. We irrationally cry around her, tell her things we won’t even write on our anonymous twitter account, and do the same for her when she’s in need. The love you have for your partner in crime is the same as the man you might meet and be with for the rest of your life. But even then, he will never understand the secrets, nostalgia, and understanding that hold you together forever. As Charlotte once said, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.”
So whether you have to Skype, call, or send a quick text, make sure your fellow conspirator knows you have the perfect plan to bury bodies or even just to get blackout wasted. Hate the asshole that doesn’t treat her right and question the guy’s music choices when they do. Never break a pinky promise, never leave her with an empty glass, and never let her trust the beer goggles that have failed us all at least once. She’s the Christina to your Meredith and throughout the difficulties of life, she’ll always be your “person”.