Maybe you ended it, he ended it, or the decision was mutual. Maybe he cheated, you were fed up, or you simply grew apart. Regardless of the circumstances, your relationship is o-v-e-r. Now, you may be left feeling empty, sad, or a little depressed. What can you do to get out of this funk?
It may not feel like it right now, but in reality, you have plenty of options – some helpful, or some more harmful than good. Everyone deals with a break-up differently, so you’ll have to figure out what is best for you. Yet, even if you know what’s best, it can still be hard to do.
So, I’ve put together a handy guide of Do’s and Don’ts for handling you post-breakup blues.
Don’t: Cut Yourself Off From the World
As hard as it may be, you can’t hole yourself up at home. Okay, maybe you can for the first day or two. Depending on how long your relationship or how bad your breakup was, maybe three days. You are allowed to have a little time to hibernate. Get some Ben & Jerry’s, a bottle of wine, and watch some One Tree Hill on Netflix. Just let your friends and family know that you are still alive while you’re in hiding. After a few days, staying cut off will just make you feel worse. Get out there, and keep going!
Do: Resume Your Social Life as Normal
After hiding out for a bit, do your best to continue on with your life. I know, easier said than done.
I’m not saying you need to go party and act like you don’t have a care in the world; but doing something, anything will help. It could even be something simple like meeting up with your friends for lunch or having a girls night with a bottle of wine or five. That is way better than staying in and reminiscing on what was. When you’re upset and alone for too long your mind can start to be very unkind to you. You’ll find yourself falling into a depression, which is never good and can be hard to pull yourself out of. Keep yourself and your mind active to fight the blues!
Don’t: Over Think Things or Blame Yourself
You may find yourself asking this horrible question. ‘What is wrong with me?’ The answer is; nothing is wrong with you. I have found that many women, me included, tend to attack their physical appearance first.
- “Maybe if I wasn’t so fat/skinny.”
- “If only my boobs were bigger.”
- “I should’ve done my hair and make-up more.”
- “I’m too short/tall.”
- “My ass is too big.”
Seriously, I could go all day with the cruel thoughts that can cross a woman’s mind at times. The reality is that none of this matters when it comes to a relationship working out. Sure, there needs to be that physical attraction there, but if you were in a relationship with him, the physical attraction was there. So do your best to stop picking at yourself.
Then there are always those thoughts that you did something wrong to drive him away.
- “Was I too demanding of him?”
- “Did I act too cool, and he thought I didn’t care enough?”
- “Was I too jealous of a girlfriend?”
- “Maybe I should have acted like I cared less.”
Really, our minds can go nuts with these thoughts. And yes, maybe some of them are a little true. But like I keep saying and will continue to say, you are not solely to blame. The best thing you can do is recognize something that could have been an issue and work to improve on it. Honestly, if you can admit that something was an issue that you need to address, you just took about 500 steps in the right direction. Remember though, don’t be hard on yourself. You can work to make improvements, but beating yourself up isn’t going to help.
To deal with the negative thoughts that sneak up, I find that staying busy helps, for me, I dive into writing. So do you what you must knit, paint, read, do a project, rearrange your place. That’s another one that helps me out, even though you didn’t get anything new, once you’re done it feels like a new beginning.
Do: Use the Experience for Self-Growth
Again, we all know how cruel we can be to ourselves, our own mind can be our worst enemy. But no matter how your relationship ended, you can’t blame yourself. It takes two people to make a relationship work, this does not all fall on your shoulders. Were there things that you could have done differently? Sure, but there are things he could have done differently too. You couldn’t give each other what the other needed.
That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, or you’re not good enough. You are just meant for someone else. To make it work you would’ve had had to act like someone you’re not. My big rule for myself when I’m in a relationship is; ‘Don’t lose who you are in order to keep someone else around.’ Some change and growth in a relationship are inevitable, and most of the time it’s good. But if you find yourself acting like someone else, that is not okay, and you’re only going to end up miserable.
Don’t: Resort to Reckless Behavior
So you’re not feeling as sad now, it’s time to reenter the land of the living. Going out for a girls night tends to be the popular option. That’s great! Go and have fun, however, don’t completely let go. I have seen it, and hell, I’ve done it myself. You go out and get wild with your friends, but then things get way out of hand and you end up doing something you regret.
Whether it may be getting white girl wasted and dancing on a table. Or going home with a guy that you really, really shouldn’t have. You’re going to wake up and feel worse than you did in the first place. My suggestion is to give your girlfriends a heads up that while you want to let loose and have fun, you don’t want to get out of hand. If they’re good friends they’ll have your back. If they give you shit, I wouldn’t trust them to go out with at all anymore.
Do: Have (Safe) Fun
Sometimes in our effort to forget and act like we’re doing great, we can take things a little too far. As tempting as a row of cherry bombs may sound, getting completely white girl wasted may end with the following outcomes; Drunk crying episode, sometimes in the middle of the bar. Puking and crying, going broke. Going home with a sleazy guy. And the worst, in my opinion, the horrifying calls and/or texts to the ex. After I did that, I swore I wasn’t going to leave my room until I turned 40 or died. Regardless, go have fun and try to distract yourself for a while. Just have some boundaries.
Keep your head up and remember that there is more to you than being in a relationship. Go on and live your life, the right guy for you will come along. Don’t give up on yourself, and don’t give up on love. You don’t want to end up like that crazy lady in her 50s who has a hundred cats… Just saying.