Maybe you’re choosing to be celibate for your own reasons, or maybe you’ve hit a speed bump in your sex life. No matter your circumstances, dry spells happen from time to time. It’s true that life without sex has its ups and downs – more its downs. That doesn’t mean that it has to be the most awful thing ever. Here’s how to make the most of your dry spell.
1. Take some me time.
Guess what? No penis equals no problems. Just kidding. I mean, you’re kind of missing out on penetrative sex, the beauty of a relationship, etc. But that doesn’t mean life is complete shit, right? Right! It’s time to get to know yourself and to do all those things you can’t do when you’re tied down. Explore life and get to know yourself! Whatever that means for you, do it. Whether that means hitting up the bar every night, making an online dating profile, or buying a new vibe – if it’s something new for your romantic or sex life, do it. Maybe you’ll regret it, but you won’t know if you don’t try.
On that same note, now is the time to focus on other things in your life. Build your résumé, apply for your dream job, start a book club with your friends. Find something other than getting it on that makes you want to get up every morning.
2. Love your ladies.
Even if they aren’t girlfriends, take this single/celibate time to give some amour to your amigos. Even the most conscious person ends up taking some time away from their friends when in a relationship (or a consistent fuck-friendship). Of course, it’s painful to not get any, but your friends are always there for you. Rely on them to console you, to hook you up with their latest buddy, or to hit up the bars with you whenever necessary. Friends till the end doesn’t mean nothing.
3. Buy a sex toy.
Look, I don’t care if you’re not into sex toys. This is your chance. This is your opportunity. Learn what you like without the pressure of a man on the other end of the bed. Do some browsing at an adult store or online. Buy what jumps out to you most. Then go home and enjoy it. Learn more about you and your orgasms. Now that no one else is in the way, it’s just you and your satisfaction, baby. And you certainly deserve it.
4. Online date.
Even if for some misinformed reason you think this is the lowest point of desperation, if you want to online date, do it. I don’t care if you join OkCupid or Tinder. I don’t care if you even pay for an eHarmony account or if you sign up for FetLife. If you want to try to the world of online dating, it’s there. Sure, there are creeps. Sure, there are weirdos. But there are also people looking for exactly the same thing you are, whether that’s a one night stand, someone to send a few kik messages to, or a new significant other. Whatever your tastes, find the site or app for you and give it a whirl.
5. Make out with a random.
Maybe you’ll just make out, maybe you’ll have sex with a complete stranger. (In which case – yay, dry spell over!) Whatever the case, now is the time to experiment. As long as you take precautions to protect from unwanted pregnancies and STDs, there’s no harm in a hook up. So kiss a random guy at the bar or hook up with that guy you’ve been eyeing all semester. There’s no boyfriend to stop you from making a friend with bennies. If it remains a no-strings-attached affair, that’s great. And if feelings develop, maybe that’ll be even better.
2 a.m.. will roll around and you’ll be devastated that you’re going home alone. In that case, feel free to down an extra shot or two. We’ve all been that single, horny drunk girl with a bottle of vodka in front of her. There’s absolutely no shame to it, as long as you remain safe. And if vodka isn’t your memory-eraser of choice, that’s fine too. Go ahead, order that pizza. Eat that cupcake. Treat yoself.
7. Flirt your ass off.
Guess who’s single? You. Guess who isn’t remotely attached and has no one to stop her from shaking what her momma gave her in the face of any man she finds attractive? That’s right. You! Okay, maybe that’s bordering on sexual harassment, but you get the picture. There’s no reason to not feel sexy just because you aren’t having sex. Flirt, dance, kiss, or whatever with any person that you fancy. Honey, it’s your dry spell and it’s time for you to own it. So get to it!
8. Get that glamorized version of sex out of your head.
Hey – cut that out! Get that perfect picture of sex out of your brain! Sure, intercourse is amazing, but sometimes you queef and sometimes his dick smells like cheese or mildew and a lot of times he doesn’t get you off before he finishes. It happens. Sex is never like it is in porn and romance novels, and sometimes you lose sight of that when in a dry spell because you’re too busy fantasizing about what could be. That’ll make actually having sex when your time finally comes, seem so lackluster. I’m not saying to throw your expectations out the window, but take your own needy thoughts with a grain of salt.
9. Think about what you want.
Now’s the time to consider the who, what, where, when, and why about what you want when it comes to your relationships, sex life, and more. Think about what really gets you going. Maybe you like nerds. Maybe you like athletes. Maybe you like rabbit vibrators. Maybe you’re into anal beads.
This is your time to try things out and to consider what turns you on and interests you. Have fun and make your list, but also make sure that your limits and desires aren’t stopping you from trying new things. After all, if you confine yourself to too many standards, you’re never going to escape that dry spell at all!
10. Stop caring.
So what you’re single. So what you’re not getting laid. I know, I know. Your sex drive is begging for more. But hey, there will also be times your wallet begs for more money, your wine glass begs for more Pinot, and your student loans beg for someone to pay them. You can do something to get out of or learn from the crappy experiences or you can wallow in self pity. Let’s choose to learn and grow. You don’t need a partner to expand yourself! Have fun and forget about this little thing that’s holding you back. Besides, going solo is fun, and if you need a companion, that’s what our toy box section is for.