We’ve all been there and we’ve all dreaded it: A night as the Designated Driver. Your friends get wasted, hook up with guys, take shots, and drunkenly dance while you sit there sipping water and wonder if you act that stupid when you’re hammered. However when it comes time to picking straws, playing rock paper scissors, or planning out a perfect schedule, we all suck it up and participate because we’re adults and we like to get wasted.
Chances are that you know it’s coming when you’re dubbed the party’s DD so before you get in the driver’s seat, prepare yourself. Now I’m not just talking about sitting down and giving yourself a mental pep talk (although praying for patience is a good idea), I’m also talking about inventory. When you’re on responsible patrol for the night, there are certain items that you definitely don’t want to leave home without so get your Mary Poppins bag ready and start packing. Car keys, driver’s license, and cell phone are the obvious hits but it’s the less obvious items that are important; hair ties, cell phone charger, water bottle, and a deck of cards are very important because you have no idea where the night will lead you.
A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words
Since you’re holding the table for your friends while they do the Soulja Boy on the dance floor, put your eyes to work. See the drunk girl make out with the ugly/short guy, observe your friend fall while trying to “Superman that hooooe”, and most importantly, take pictures. Shamelessly turn your flash on and play a game with yourself to try and catch the drunkest moment there. If you can createVinesfrom drunken conversations, you get ten bonus points and will discover that drunk people are the best entertainment when you’re sober with an iPhone that can track it all. You could try to describe the guy your friend made out with by the bathrooms or you could show her a picture of it the next morning over breakfast. Talk about smeared lipstick. Not only will you hold the power of embarrassing and drunken mistakes but there is a chance they won’t ask you to DD again and you can go back to being the drunken fool. Be careful with this advice though because karma is always watching and cell phones are everywhere.
Karma Is a Good Thing
While you’re holding your friend’s hair back in the alleyway, try to remember the weekend when she wiped your puke off of your new heels and didn’t judge you while you irrationally cried about it. The smell might make you want to vomit next to her and the sound might make you gag but there isn’t a better form of karma than that in the form of a good friend taking care of her sloppy drunk counterpart. Nobody wants to be the designated driver, nobody wants to be the one to stay sober, and no one wants to have anything to do with vomit that isn’t theirs. However we do it because we’re adults that now have the super power of legally drinking and with every super power, there is a downside. The downside of having fun with alcohol is responsibility and having to stay sober every once in awhile. Not having it? Refuse to watch your friends make fools of themselves? Save up your shiny pennies and call a cab. Just don’t puke inside said cab, the drivers kind of freak out. Being the DD sounds dreadful but with the right plan and the right frame of mind, it can actually be quite enjoyable. Pack your bags and put on your walking shoes, it’s time to observe just how white girl wasted your friends can get.