The “Dramatic” Friend:

We all have that friend; the one that always has some horrifying story to tell about why her life is over and nothing will help because it’s the worst thing that has EVER HAPPENED! Being around her raises your heart rate and you always make sure there’s liquor around before she starts talking. The fight with her boyfriend became world war three and the branch she tripped over was the size of Grandmother Willow. Exaggeration and hyperbole are the only languages this friend speaks and for some reason we still keep her around.

Small Task, Big Ordeal

When you’re around a drama queen like this, there isn’t a such thing as an easy undertaking. You can no longer go into the grocery store for wine without her having a panic attack because the merlot she wanted was no longer on sale and she just can’t afford the extra $1.50 because she’s broke and her car needs new tires and her dad won’t pay for them because he’s sleeping with his mistress and HER LIFE IS JUST OVER! By the time she’s picked a bottle (or dramatically given up because she “JUST CAN’T”) you’re walking out with three bottles, hoping you can get blackout wasted and forget why you agreed to hang out in the first place. You don’t dare suggest food because who knows what kind of catastrophe could blow up, plus it would ruin your buzz and you’d have to listen to her complain about calories and being fat and then how she’s going to end up alone forever because she’s fat. By the end of the night, you wonder if she thinks there are hidden cameras and someone is going to jump out and hand her an Oscar.

“Something Happened!”

These two words are always the most dreaded words to come out of a DQ’s (Drama Queen’s) mouth. Whether she spilled water on her dress (she just can’t wear it now) or if she drank too much and puked all night (now claiming it HAS to be the flu), she will inevitably call you saying that something happened and it just wasn’t her fault. Someone framed her, someone drugged her, someone stole from her; there’s always some dramatic story followed by even more dramatic tellings to anyone who will listen. When she tells you about her ex, she constantly reminds you about how he cheated on her but you know she just saw him talking to a girl at the coffee shop. She says the hottest guy on campus flirted with her but really he just asked to borrow a pen. She cleaned up after her roommate ALL DAY LONG but really only spent an hour cleaning in between answering her Facebook notifications from a sad and pathetic cry for attention. DQ’s boggle our brains and make us thank fucking god that we aren’t that way. We may say we waited for two hours at the DMV when it was only one but we didn’t go to the ER for a broken toe (and maybe even her foot!) after stubbing her toe on the table.

All I Do Is Roll, Roll, Roll My Eyes

When you’re friends (or forcibly roommates) with someone that exaggerates everything from how broke they are to how every guy they pass is in love with them, you learn to do the mental eye roll. When you have another person, you can visibly do it behind The Queen’s back but when you’re alone, you have to learn to do it without her seeing. So when she says her car is totaled from the fender bender she was in and she now has whiplash, mentally roll your eyes and think about the man who will be suckered into marrying her. Drama Queens are also amazing at letting you think they have the most amazing relationship, up until the guy dumps her and she embellishes how shitty he treated her when they were together. Force feed her shots, watch ugly guys hit on her, and smile because you know the truth about her hookup that resembled Napoleon Dynamite, not the Matt Damon she claims while re-telling the story later. Nothing is as it seems with this girl, it’s normally a hell of a lot less.