Breakups are one of the worst pains ever. Even if you are the one that did the ending or if you completely got dumped, no one will ever forget the suffering you endure or the person you become when you are dealing with heartbreak. No matter who you are, no one is themselves right after and you have to go through all five stages of a break up until you can feel like you have completely healed and can go back into dating again. Everyone has been there and it’s time we admit to ourselves that we do know it gets better! So below is a list of the stages of a breakup, what you say, and about how long you are in that phase; show this to anyone going through a breakup because I’m sure they can’t wait to get into stage five!
Most Likely Found Saying: “THAT MOTHER FUCKER! HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?!”
Lasts: 1 day
This is when you hate your ex, you can’t even say his name without seeing red, and you even might consider killing him at least five times with every thought. However, don’t forget to remind yourself that jail doesn’t have hot men and vodka. This is the part where the band-aid is being ripped off and all the raw emotion is in front of you, while all you can do is panic. This is also when you are the most dangerous and should probably turn off your phone for a while because you don’t want to say anything that your ex could send the police, allowing them to show up at your door to make sure you don’t kill him.
Most Likely Found Saying: “No, this isn’t happening. He’ll call me soon and we will be back together. He still wants to be with me.”
Lasts: 1 Week
This is when you can’t even believe what just happened; I mean you were fine two days ago, right? In your head, this is only temporary and he will be crawling back to the best thing that ever happened to him (you, duh) in a few days. Maybe he just panicked because he loves you too much, or maybe he just needed his space for a few days? ..or maybe because it really is over. These thoughts will lead you straight into the next phase.
Most Likely Found Saying: “Oh my god he hasn’t called me. I hate myself. Let me listen to more Adele.”
Lasts: 1 Week
This is when you can’t stop the tears and you’ve even stopped trying. You eat excessive amounts of ice cream, watch any romance movie you can get your hands on, and just wish you had it as easy as Noah and Allie did in The Notebook. All of your girlfriends are going to try to take you out to have fun, but you just have to let this run its course because sometimes you just have to let it all out and fucking cry for a while.
Most Likely Found Saying: “You know what, I guess it really is over, I just can’t see myself getting out there yet.”
Lasts: 1 Month
This is when you start going out but only on girl’s nights. It still hurts to see couples when you are out in public but, hey, at least you are in public! You have also begun listening to other music besides Adele and Taylor Swift, and have finally admitted to yourself that your relationship is over. You are coming to terms with sleeping alone again, not waking up to his morning texts anymore, and it still feels a little raw. At least you know that you will be okay eventually.
5. The Slutty Stage
Most Likely Found Saying: “WHO NEEDS A BOYFRIEND? LET’S GO, GET DRUNK, AND MAKE OUT WITH STRANGERS!”
Lasts: Mine has been going on for years now…
This is the most satisfying stage. It is when you go out, get really drunk and realize, holy hell, there are a lot more hot guys in the world than I remember. You make out with strangers, go back to other guys’ houses, and even start having regular sex with that old booty call you forgot about. You remember how fun it is to be single and even regret putting yourself into a relationship in the first place. You have no one to check in with and all the freedom in the world to be independent. Hey, and everyone knows the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!