Slut-shaming is fast becoming The Thing to avoid doing if you want to appear at least marginally like a civilized human being and not a Neanderthal stuck in the 50s …the 1150s, that is. I would like to talk about another aspect of slut-shaming that our Feminism-forward collective online presence has largely ignored: Submissive Sluts.

It seems everywhere you look, women between the ages of 13 and 45 scream empowering commands everywhere you turn: “Be strong, girl!” “Refuse to please any man!” “Don’t let a man tell you what to do!” All I hear is: “Let us tell you what to do instead, and if you decide to give a single consideration towards a man’s feelings or pleasure, we will label you a pathetic slut!”

I am not talking about Slut-shaming. Submissive Sluts rarely have to face the firing squad of public opinion for their love of sex, presumably due to the indelible association between pain and sex. The brunt of the force instead gets transferred onto her Dom in a classic misandrist tradition of post-1970’s feminist society. No, Submissive Sluts get to deal with something much more insidious and dangerous than silly shaming for being an healthy and active adult — they have to stand up to the force of a million voices telling them they are a lesser woman because of their submissive tendencies. That kind of thinking is not only an affront to femininity itself, but to harmonious human order. Traditionally, the feminine essence of “yin” is a submissive, gentle, giving force and any desire to take on the aggressive, scorching powers of “yang” by the feminist community is rather ironic and destructive, in my opinion. Ultimately, here we have a strong chorus of voices preaching dissent, separation, dominance struggles, and conquering of your fellow man and I think that attitude is harmful on inter-personal as well as international level.

I vote for complete lack of shaming. Give all women a chance to make that decision for themselves. Why did a small but vocal minority suddenly decide that all women should assume the dominant role and be perfectly happy? Guess what, it doesn’t work like that! Sexual and dominance preferences have a lot to do with individual hormone levels, which can be modulate through experience or chemicals and someone can’t just shove a submissive triangle into a round hole and expect it to fit and sing a song about it. There is a massive presence of women who crave to be sexually used and regarded as objects and cumdolls and guess what — they get off on it! There are also men who like to be spanked and fucked with strap-ons and everything else in between, and most progressive communities have accepted that kink is as varied the people of planet Earth.

BDSM community is something that I am only now gingerly stepping into at the moment. I suppose moving to San Francisco was the right step towards exploring this kinky world, as I have discovered I am very interested in doing. After 4 – 5 years of doing streaming and recorded adult performance with my partner and not going beyond spankings and handcuffs once or twice, I had a crash course in full-body bondage over the span of last 4 months. Turns out, I really fucking dig being tied up! I had entered a formative relationship with full desire to be a Sub and to be trained by my new Master, so emotional and social submissiveness was something that felt right to me and something I had been practicing for the past seven years. Adding sexual elements that required such a complete letting go of control, as ropes and gags do, was an exhilarating and trust-affirming experience that made me extremely excited to explore the BDSM world further. While not being a pain slut myself, I found myself making friends exclusively with BDSM babes since my cross-country move to San Francisco via two months spent in Vegas.

Since this bondage-and-sado-maschosim (for those who were always curious what that 4-letter acronym meant) venture is a new and exciting one for me, I gave it some thought and decided to catalogue my BDSM experiences for Slutty Girl Problems, recounting my experiences and insights learned. It seems like SGP is the perfect playground to indulge my kinky and writing side, and I hope the readers enjoy the ride as I bring you all along on this naughty adventure.

Always remember that any kind of sex-related shaming is simply a sign of an underdeveloped brain and lack of empathy or any kind of rounded education or worldly experience. Sex-related shaming also happens to be the most common because it’s such an easy target with such deeply-reaching roots of self-doubt, which makes it a cheap but effective weapon slung around by troglodytes. Finding a community, which supports your brand of kink, is one of the most important steps anyone can take to reach self-fulfillment and maintain your emotional and mental health. Thankfully The Internet is full of resources, forums, and I am sure Google Hangouts where you can feel accepted and strong.

In closing, I would like to share this Tweet by a fellow adult performer, sub trainer, and stellar human being Richard Rall:

                                                                                                                                  Source: https://twitter.com/RichardRallXXX/status/425278347296251904

Your Kink Is Not My Kink, And That’s Okay. That is the motto of BDSM and fetish community and I think it needs to be the motto of every slut out there. I would advise staying away from kinks that damage your mental and physical health but hey, it’s your ride.

Now go get a ball gag and some Japanese silk rope and have yourself a wonderful weekend!