If I woke up tomorrow as a man, the first thing I would do is find someone to fuck me in my ass. Actually, I’m lying – the first thing I would do is freak the fuck out, because hello- is this a dream? How am I a man right now? Is this 2003, am I still on drugs?
Still baffled, I’d go pee, because that’s what I need to do first thing every morning, regardless of any current phenomena. I’d probably still pee in the seated position too, because why on earth would anyone stand when there is an option to sit?
And then, I would go find someone to fuck me in my ass. Cause the truth is, I love anal sex. Anyone with access to the internet can see that for themselves via a quick Google search. But as much as I love anal sex as a woman… I’ll bet anal sex as a man would be even better. Because, prostate.
I’ve known my planned course of action for a while now; certainly, every woman has given this hypothetical situation extensive thought. It blows my mind that men’s G-spots are located in their asshole. How is that conducive to reproduction? Anatomically, aren’t we supposed to have been built – and then evolved – for optimal breeding? Isn’t that the whole point of a species? Women have clitorises (clitori?), that feel awesome when stimulated by dicks entering our vaginas. When a dick enters a vagina, and then busts a nut, a baby can be made.
Clits make sense.
Prostates do not! A man getting penetrated in his asshole does not directly produce a baby.
No wonder the extremist rightwing Christian men are so mad!
So after meeting a guy on Grindr and experiencing my first prostate-induced orgasm (and probably my last for at least a few hours, because I’m pretty sure that’s how the male physiology works, especially at my age), I would spend the rest of my day how I normally do, regardless of my new sex. I’d run my errands, work out, get home, watch some bad reality shows I had recorded. I suppose I’d take advantage of my faster metabolism and eat a large-size pizza. And then I’d go to bed, hoping to wake up back in my female body.
Now, if I woke up the next morning as a man still, then things would start to get interesting. On the second morning, I would likely decide that this whole switcharoo was permanent; therefore, after my seated morning urination, I’d make a cup of coffee and start my research.
Where does one begin an internet search on plastic surgeons, I wonder? Just kidding, surgically altering my body is already a favorite pastime of mine. I’d go through my phonebook, make some calls, and set up an appointment for a boob job.
And once I had my huge tits? I’d just watch the money roll in.
The thing is, I love being a woman. I love my body, I love the clothing I get to wear, I love the emotions I feel, I love the friendships I have, I love peeing sitting down. Most of all, I love my job – I love being a female pornstar! And the only thing that could add to that joy, is if I had a penis.
Now, I can’t speak on what life is like to be a trans woman with the way the world is currently. I can only imagine it wouldn’t be all rainbows and butterflies everyday, when there is a need to fight for your rights as a human being, as society tries to dictate who you are as a person. As a sex-worker, I believe I’ve seen what’s only a fraction of what that’s like.
However, in porn, trans women are the most coveted of not just all women, but all people. They are the most (if even secretly) desired, the best looking, they get to have the kinkiest sex, they have the most hardcore fans, and the top trans stars have the potential to make insane sums of money that I will never come close to.
And, they have prostates.
Once I transitioned from my boring old body, to a gay man, to a woman with a penis – it would be ON. And I imagine my story of waking up in a different physical body not just once, but twice, wouldn’t be bad for publicity either.
So sure, it would be fun to be a man for a little while, see what life is like on the other side – but really, five minutes (long enough to see what their orgasms are like) would be enough. If anything, the only benefits to being a man for a day would be for strictly contextual purposes; I think it would probably make me appreciate being a woman that much more.
Basically… I think being a woman is great. The only thing I’d give it up for, is if I could be a woman with a prostate.