So you’ve met a nice guy and it seems promising for the near future. Either you are looking for a new hookup, or you have actually given this person a shot at possibly being more than third party in your life—or maybe you unexpectedly are just riding the waves of anticipation at what could happen next.

Suddenly something which makes you doubt said male’s credibility happens. You doubt yourself, the fuckboy in question and visions of the near future. For those who don’t stick to their gut feeling, something bad will happen and you will regret your decision to ignore the initial fuckboy vibes you felt in your loins.

So I have concocted a short list of fuckboy symptoms which could hinder any kind of fun or future you wish for you and the fuckboy in question. Of course, it isn’t a finished list and there are more obvious signs which we need to be aware of, however I’ll keep this short (kinda) and sweet (always).

1. Plays The Game with a Non-Player

He’ll text you a lot and then suddenly appear to turn cold; treat em mean keep em keen, aye? No.

If you are actually starting to get emotionally soft for said possible fuckboy, this kind of symptom will take its toll on your mental security. If he’s a big time player, then he will know when someone is soft for him. It is almost emotional manipulation, purposefully ignoring an attached potential future partner, just to play with their head is major fuckboy giveaway.

Playing The Game with someone who is also playing is when you can dismiss the fuckboy symptom as merely something to entertain you.

Playing hard to get is different from playing The Game. However, I wouldn’t trust a guy who likes playing hard to get, but that’s just me. There is a time and a place to play The Game.

2. Claims to be Mr. Grey

He’ll claim he’s a Mr. Grey in the bedroom.

And no he hasn’t read 50 Shades of Grey, he most likely hasn’t seen the film yet either. He has just heard from word of mouth that apparently all women want a Mr. Grey. He may well assume that you’ve never had good sex and will attempt to make you believe that he is the one to give you the best sex ever to be had. All of the sex.

As well as being cringe as fuck, it is just plain dumb for any guy without an understanding of the character to claim to be a real life Mr. Grey. Obviously he thinks he’s a DOM in the bedroom; thinks he knows what all women want; says he won’t LET you cum until he says you can. Wow, at least you were reciprocating his mild sexting attempts… If not, you just allow him to embarrass himself—and get out of there immediately.

What entertains me even more is how far they think they can get with your body and think they’re ‘kinky’ because they spanked you a few times when they probably can’t even handle a finger up the butthole themselves…

Besides, I don’t want a mentally and physically abusive psycho as a hookup or a boyfriend, ew. Let alone someone who generalises all women; besides even though he may claim to be Mr. Grey, I doubt he’ll be buying you a new car and things in the near future.

3. He’s Dishonest

Maybe you’ve had sex or maybe you are still awaiting the emergence of more fuckboy symptoms before you indulge him. Either way, he’s not being completely honest with you. You are aware of his social habits and have mutual friends who feed you information. You know when he lies, yet he appears to assume you are oblivious to what is really going on here.

Were you just chatting to him? Meant to have a matey gym session where he spots your squatting and deadlifts? Forget that if a friend has overheard him telling all his friends he’ll be fucking you soon. Move along—unless you want to stick around, but you must know that this guy does not respect you.

Has he still got high hopes of trying it on with a mutual friend despite claiming to be 100% faithful and into you? Nah, bye boy. What sucks for them, is that if they were 100% honest about what they want and what they are doing then we most likely would respect them more and not mind. But that is why a fuckboy is a fuckboy.

Avoid a pathological liar at all costs. Purely because he thinks he’s smart. Clearly just a waste of your fit self.

So there you are. Only three of an unending list of symptoms unveiling different levels of fuckboy. Of course, make your own judgement. Although I’m speaking out of experience, I am not the pinnacle of fuckboy knowledge. Do you, but know that you don’t want to have a dick ‘ed pebble on the beach that is your life.