It’s almost time for the holiday where we stuff ourselves on stuffing, drink too much wine to deal with our crazy relatives asking us if we’re still single, and pout when we still have to sit at the kids’ table. That’s right! It’s Thanksgiving time! When we’re lost in the drama of the holidays, it can be hard to remember the spirit of the season. Maybe these topics aren’t the ones your family will want you to list around the dinner table, but there are loads of things Slutty Girls have to be thankful for, and here are just a few!
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Beyoncé for her empowering jams.
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Suffragettes for fighting for our right to vote so we can make sure Donald Trump doesn’t become the next president.
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Chris Hemsworth for being Chris Hemsworth.
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Your best friend for sitting outside the bathroom while you took a pregnancy test.
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That pregnancy test for coming back negative.
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Our friends for being our strongest support.
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Liquor for being our second strongest support.
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Condoms for protecting us from STIs.
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Birth control for protecting us from unwanted pregnancies.
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A woman’s right to choose.
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Our friends for throwing epic parties.
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Themed parties for existing.
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Emojis for helping us express ourselves without words.
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Snapchat for helping us to keep those expressions fleeting
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Netflix for creating an excuse to see our fuckbuddies.
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Sex toys for being there for us when a partner can’t be, and sometimes even when they can.
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Porn stars for getting off, so we can, too.
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Beds for always having our backs.
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Tinder for helping us find a new make-out partner.
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Drake for providing us with breakup goals in Hotline Bling.
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Coffee for helping us survive anything.
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Wine for helping us survive whatever coffee cannot.
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Channing Tatum for starring in not one, but two Magic Mike and Jump Street movies.
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Our family and friends, chosen or blood, for supporting our slutty selves.
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Sexperts for teaching us everything our health teachers didn’t.
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Snapchat for making it easier to know if someone saved your nudes.
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Snapchat for making it easier to send nudes, actually.
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The emoji people for finally giving us access to a taco emoji.
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Tacos in general.
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Pizza, too.
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Amy Schumer, for making it okay to be a trainwreck long after your twenty-first birthday.
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Lifeproof cases for stopping our iPhone screens from shattering on trainwreck nights out.
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Body pillows, for cuddling us when we don’t have a partner to cuddle.
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Our partners, for understanding that we actually hate cuddling after sex…
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…or for cuddling us after sex, even if they hate it.
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The family members who cook our Thanksgiving dinners. Even if that person is yourself. Or the Chinese food guy.
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Football, for helping us focus on something other than our dysfunctional families at Thanksgiving dinner.
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Leggings, because anything that isn’t elastic is not fit for such a big holiday meal.
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Okay, leggings for just existing, while we’re at it.
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And, most importantly, all the other slutty girls out there who make us feel empowered, strong, and sexy on a daily basis! Happy Thanksgiving!
