We’ve all met that girl, you know the one, who seems to break hearts just by walking down the street. She could have anyone she wants but she doesn’t even care enough to try. I’ve always envied her because, naturally, I’ve always cared way too much.

As many others do, when I got to college I decided to reinvent myself as a cold-hearted bitch. Here’s how I did it…

Become Confident (or, fake it ’til you make it)

The secret about confidence is that many people don’t actually have it. Chances are, most people who look like they own the room are totally faking it, and that’s okay. Walking into a party, a bar, or even a classroom can be intimidating. Different tricks for conquering confidence work for different people.

Personally, nothing gets me feeling confident quite like playing the riff in Do I Wanna Know by the Arctic Monkeys in my head and strutting to it. (Beyonce and Nicki Minaj also tend to do the trick.) It’s all about your mindset, if you have it in your head that you’re fearless, you’ll be fearless. Being a cold hearted bitch isn’t about how you feel inside – of course you should strive to be confident all over, but it’s not an easy task, so don’t feel bad if you’re not quite there – it’s an illusion and, with some time and practice, you can become more accustomed to it and you’ll soon be naturally confident and, well, cold.

Personal Realizations

There are a few realizations that help when it comes to being cold-hearted. They are important in keeping the mindset of an ice queen, which isn’t exactly easy.

You deserve much better than (just about) everyone. This may seem pessimistic, but if you think someone is too good for you, it can cause you to settle and you could find yourself making exceptions for shitty behavior, because you might think that you won’t find someone better. It’s not true. Seven billion people in this world, there will always be people who are nicer, funnier, and will make you far happier than someone who you don’t think you deserve.

Once you realize you’re worthy of being treated the way you wanted to be treated, most people, especially ones who you are sexually interested in, start to seem more fleeting. If someone isn’t on the same page as you, you don’t have to sweat it. It plays into the last realization: there will always be more.

Now, this isn’t an excuse to treat people like shit, it’s simply a good way to separate your feelings in order to make sure you stay true to yourself in what you want out of a relationship with someone, whether that be a hookup, friends with benefits, or a full-blown relationship. Often we make exceptions for people because we remain hopeful that we can change them, or we like them so much that we put our own feelings aside and only end up playing ourselves over a relationship that doesn’t end well.

Don’t Waste Your Time

Time is precious, so use it wisely. If you don’t like someone, don’t pretend to in order to make them feel better about themselves. This is especially important with exes. Other people’s feelings aren’t your responsibility. Always live honestly. It’s inevitable that we’re all going to hurt some people in our lifetime, but it’s best to remember that, yes, it sucks to be on the giving side of the hurt, but at the end of the day everyone goes through it and it’s better for all parties to be truthful and not string anyone along. Now, this doesn’t mean to be unnecessarily rude or mean, but trying to avoid telling the truth in order to save someone’s feelings will end up hurting them more in the end than whatever you have to tell them will.

Nothing Matters

Nothing at all. Others’ opinions do not matter in the slightest. What makes you happy matters. Don’t sweat the little things, if someone doesn’t like you it’s their loss, not yours. You’re kickass so you’ll find someone new and better. Move on. Being cold is all about the ability to just move on in an instance because you know that there are much better things for you than what’s going on. Being a cold-hearted bitch means you know what you want and not being afraid to do what you need to do for a better future.

Stay confident, stay honest, stay cold.