When I broke up with my boyfriend last year, I was ready to be a single lady and had “Needed Me” on repeat. The relationship had gone way past its expiration date and we were both better off single. Today, I love my quality me time and being able to spread all the way across the bed. BUT (don’t you hate that there’s always a but?) there were benefits to having him around that would come in handy now.
1. No More Midnight Snack Runs
We’ve all been there: you’re cozy, pants off, sheet mask on, and then BOOM, the munchies hit. Sure, it’s only a five minute drive to Target but the snacks taste so much better when you aren’t the one having to go get them. Gone are the days of a cute smile and a sweet please to get your Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Nope, now you are facing the cold night on your own. But that also means you don’t have to share, so… you still win!
2. Killing the Intruders
Or if you want to be less dramatic: killing the bugs. You can be the baddest bitch walking until something with 100 legs crawls by your feet. You might feel faint and there could be screaming, and some tears involved. And don’t let the bug get away while you’re grabbing some tissue …it’s time to move out! You do feel like a warrior princess once the whole ordeal is over though.
3. Better Stock Up on Pillows
I know I said having full control of the bed is the best, but when those cold winter nights come, and you can’t get the thermostat to the perfect setting, you start wondering how much it costs to rent a professional cuddler. Also, booty rubs come with cuddling and I, for sure, don’t hit my squats three times a week for it not to be properly worshipped. Then again, that pile of laundry you’ve been ignoring could be a great stand-in, too.
4. You have to pay. For everything.
We are all independent women who can get whatever we want, whenever we want *snaps in z-formation*. But you don’t really realize how much going out really costs when you go from never paying to always paying. It hits you right in the makeup budget.
5. Bye Bye Chauffeur
You know those cute couple videos where the girl is singing to her guy while he’s driving? That’s in the rearview mirror. Now, you have to be extra punctual because if you’re late leaving for class or miss the bus, there’s no one to drop you off in front of the building. Your cute outfit and beat face will be a distant memory after powerwalking across campus to be in class on time.
6. Grocery Bags are From Satan
If you live, or have ever lived, on the second floor of an apartment, you know that grocery bags and stairs don’t mix. And since making a second trip is unheard of, this usually ends in a second arm workout. You also end up questioning the amount of food you buy after these adventures.
7. Your feet will always be cold
It might be poor circulation, or perhaps you just need to give up the freedom of being barefoot at home. But aren’t your feet always icy cold and only the warmth of another human being can melt the blocks of ice attached to your ankles? It’s also so satisfying watching your significant other make that startled jump when the icicles that were once your piggies hit them.
None of these minor inconveniences compare to the major inconvenience of being in a sinking relationship though. (Most of them can even be solved by getting a puppy and a personal assistant.) Embrace being single. Enjoy being able to watch movies and talk to the characters like they can hear you. Decorate your home without having to include that hideous picture his mom insisted you have. Most of all, acknowledge how popping you are by yourself, and IF you decide to grace another person with your presence that you’ll only be more popping.