Being single doesn’t mean you’re defective, lonely, or not good enough to be in a relationship. In fact, it’s the most liberating, exciting, and beautiful time in your life! Instead of being tied down to one man – you’re free to date whoever, whenever, and wherever you choose. It’s the only time in your life when you can truly do YOU, without having to answer to or please anyone else. Some say they’re single because they’re waiting for the right man to come along… others say they just haven’t found anyone else as awesome as them to share their life with. But I say, I’m not even SINGLE – I’m just having a long term relationship with fun, happiness, less stress, and freedom… and having too much fun to break up with myself!
When the single life seems like it’s getting old, just remember these 95 reasons why being single is actually the best.
1. You never have to give blow jobs, hand jobs, or anything else that could be considered a “job”.
2. No one will ever get mad when you stay out “too late”.
3. 100% of your time is dedicated to YOU.
4. You don’t have to sensor your “Never Have I Ever” answers… or scandalous stories about your hookups and exes.
5. You can hook up with as many people as you’d like to… in a night, in a weekend, in a week, whenever!
6. No one will ever make you feel guilty about having a Girl’s Night Out.
7. No one else’s problems are your problems.
8. You can look forward to Spring Break as a week of wild debauchery.
9. You can develop a close and intimate relationship with your vibrator, where you’ll have toe curling, vagina-quivering, mind-blowing orgasms… rather than just “eh” nights in bed.
10. Going out with your girlfriends is an every weekend event, not a once in a while treat.
11. Realizing that “settling down” often involves “settling”.
12. Twerking… on your best friends, your booty calls, and the stripper pole. Go for it! No one’s judging.
13. You can flirt with WHOEVER YOU WANT. Guilt-free.
14. That flirting can lead to random dance floor makeouts…
15. Which can lead to spontaneous hook up sessions…
16. And then to steamy ONE NIGHT STANDS!
17. You’ll never have a weekend that consists of “lets just cuddle and watch a movie”.
18. You don’t have to deal with his overbearing mom, awkward dad, bitchy sister, or dog that always sniffs and slobbers on your crotch.
19. You don’t have to deal with his sweaty ass cramping up your bed, drooling on your pillows, or his heavy dead arm crushing you in your sleep.
20. You can rock out to “All the Single Ladies” and “Ridin Solo”.
21. You don’t have to check in with anyone.
22. No one is jealous of your gay BFF.
24. You can casually date several guys at once, without any commitment.
25. You can flirt with the bartender, and totally capitalize on free drinks.
26. You’re confident that you aren’t compromising your standards or settling just because you’re lonely.
27. Australians. Brits. Canadians. They’re yours!
28. When guys give you attention, no one will be eyeing them with jealousy, then questing why you talked to them in the first place.
29. No disgusting shave hairs in your sink.
30. If you go on a crappy date or have a bad hookup, remember – one day that will be someone’s boyfriend. Be glad he’s not yours.
31. All your guilty pleasures don’t have to be “guilty” anymore.
32. Channing Tatum. Ryan Gosling. Adam Levine. James Franco.
33. You can focus on work or school without distraction. Achieve your goals and dreams, without anyone holding you back!
34. You’ll never be “too comfortable” and lose the spark.
35. You aren’t be co-dependent. You complete yourself and make your own happiness.
36. You’ll never be subjected to hours upon hours of Sports Center.
37. You don’t have to worry about what will happen after graduation, summer break, or his job relocation.
38. You don’t have to include anyone else in your life plan – or worse – plan your life around someone else.
39. No more man periods.
41. No jealousy. That average looking bitch who’s eye-ing your “man” at the bar is just that… an average looking bitch. When you’re casually dating, you aren’t be worried about his wandering eye – and the attention is more likely to stay on you, anyway.
42. You don’t have to explain your relationship with your best guy friend, gay BFF, or your guy friend from home that you’re only friends with because your moms have been best friends since you were 5.
43. You don’t have to worry about his girl “friend”, childhood friend, or ex girlfriend – and definitely don’t have to feel jealous over her.
44. If your boyfriend has a small dick, you’re stuck. If your hookup has a small dick, ON TO THE NEXT ONE!
45. You usually try on a lot of shoes before you find the perfect fit… same rule applies for guys!
46. No one will groan while you listen to Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Kesha.
47. You don’t have to deal with his disgusting apartment, vomit-inducing bathroom, or his rude roommates.
48. You have time for other things – like girlfriends, coffee dates, wine night, movie night, and everything and anything you can do with your BFFs.
49. You’ll have more friends! How many girls do you know that started dating someone, and then fell off the face of the earth? When you’re single, you can be friends with anyone. When you’re in a relationship, you tend to make friends with other people in relationships… and people that your partner also likes… so your friendship pool starts to get way smaller.
50. Endless fro-yo binging.
51. You don’t go crazy Facebook stalking. “Who’s that bitch that wrote on his wall?” Who cares! When you’re single, the little things don’t matter… and you definitely aren’t dwelling on them.
52. At frat parties, boyfriends will very rarely be let in through the door. At high-end clubs, they may have a higher cover charge. Regardless, you’ll have more fun without him!
53. You can be in the center of a grind-train, guilt free.
54. Random dance floor make-outs. Totally acceptable.
55. You don’t have to worry about getting a little too drunk or a little too flirty.
56. No disapproving glances or cold shoulders when he’s mad.
57. You make ALL THE RULES for your own life.
58. You’ll make amazing memories. No good story ever started with “We just decided to stay in and watch a movie.”
59. He isn’t farting, burping, pooping, stinky, dirty, balding, unmotivated, or have a micro penis.
60. You don’t have to be embarrassed by his immature behavior or drunken shambles.
61. You don’t have to be embarrassed by his stained shirt, or ill-fitting pants.
62. You aren’t be defined as “his” girlfriend.
63. No “nothing” fights over who left the yogurt out or didn’t clean the coffee pot.
64. You never think “I wish I didn’t have a boyfriend” when you meet a new, hot, intelligent, and rich guy.
65. You might not have found Mr. Right, but you can find several Mr. Right Now’s.
66. No-strings-attached THREESOMES!
67. Each and every one of your hookups will maintain that “flawless and perfect” image. With a boyfriend, you can say goodbye to all the smoke and mirrors after the first month.
68. No one will ever refer to you as “wifed up”.
69. If he’s single, he’s like 900 times more likely to shave down there.
70. Single guys are also more likely to go to the gym and work on their abs. Yum!
71. You can obsess over your future wedding as much as you want, without someone thinking you’re subliminally mind-forcing them into commitment.
72. You can be totally spontaneous without worrying how it will affect someone else.
73. You’ll never have to choose between hanging out with him or your friends.
74. You can ALWAYS see your friends.
75. There are so many hot, single guys out there. Why not shop around?
76. You can watch all the Sex and the City, Girl Code, Couples Therapy, and Teen Mom that you want.
77. You don’t spend hours listening to him play Call of Duty or whatever the fuck else it is.
78. Your “date night” doesn’t consist of watching re-runs.
79. No one will ever rush you to get ready. Your girlfriends understand the struggle.
80. You don’t have to complain about your boyfriend to your friends.
81. You don’t have to compromise. Anything. With anyone.
82. You can be who YOU are… not who someone else wants you to be.
83. The seat will always be down, and without pee on it.
84. The chase is the most fun part of a relationship. Being single is basically the eternal chase.
85. No guy will ever cry around you. In theory, you think it might be cute. But in reality, it’s really terrifying.
86. No weird sounds or smells coming from the bathroom.
87. You don’t have to impress anyone. Yoga pants and t-shirt. All day, every day.
88. You don’t feel compelled to shave your legs or wear makeup if you don’t want to.
89. You have time to figure out what you like and don’t like – and eventually find the right guy that fits you lifestyle.
90. You get to be fully independent.
91. No painful breakups!
92. Sex is a score. Not a chore.
93. You can just DO YOU.
94. …and also do whoever else you want.
95. The single lifestyle is full of independence and carefree adventures. It’s a beautiful thing!