A lady of many talents, Goddess Lola Jean is an inspiration for us girls looking to embrace our inner domme! With a wealth of knowledge and a sex-positive outlook, she happened upon sex education and sex work, taking on some of the most fun and taboo topics. She never misses a chance to embrace her sexuality and help others do the same, whether in a personal coaching session, class, or getting down and dirty in a fetish wrestling match.
We had the pleasure of speaking with this goddess about sex work, power, and everything in between – including an inside look at some of her most memorable experiences.
What inspired you to get into the world of sex work and coaching?
It would appear like my entire life’s journey had been building up to this. Sex education isn’t something I set out to do, the opportunity presented itself and I rose to the occasion. Growing up, my view and approach to sex was different from my peers. I had a constant fascination and exploration that took quite some time to find a healthy manner to truly manifest. Forever a student of human dynamics and behaviors, I have never been in a relationship before, so I view sex from a pragmatic lens. Once I started owning my sluttiness and contributing towards the sex positive community I noticed the response and the need for someone with my knowledge, experience and point of view. People were hungry for more information and thankful for my vulnerability and ownership of my sexual self. I knew more than I thought I did. I have a wealth of information and observations, but I am also able to communicate in a way which is accessible and honest. Sex is when we are at our most vulnerable. To be able to have that connection and affect on individuals can be life changing.
Simultaneous to that trajectory, sex work was a curiosity and natural forray once I realized the skills I possess that occurred concurrently with my sex educator career. There’s a common misconception that all sex work is defined by performing sex acts, whereas I see sex work as using ones sexuality in order to make money. Sex work was a sensible facet in owning my sexuality and being able to control the conversation around it. All of these ventures were gradual transitions with a lot of thought and intention behind them.
You are a lady of many talents and professions. What does a “typical” day look like for you?
A typical day! Hah, that’s rich. As my career progresses, every month and year has a different focus. Right now, a typical day starts off with checking emails from clients (either Pro Domme or sex coaching) fielding questions about my classes, interviews with press, and promoting events via social media. From there, I either see patients at the psychiatry office I work for as a medical technician or head to a coffee shop to get more work done!
Some days I have meetings or calls with others whom I partner with or collaborate. Hopefully I’ll get some writing in, work on personal essays or edit my novel. Somewhere in between I’ll head to the gym for a HIIT class. There are so many items to accomplish and not enough hours in the day, so it’s mostly about prioritization and recognizing when I need self care. When evening comes I’m either teaching a class, holding a private session, attending/working at a party or going on a date / having sex / masturbating.
What do you enjoy most about being a Pro Domme? And how do you feel it has empowered you both in and out of the bedroom?
My favorite part of Pro Domming is the power-tripping. The satisfaction comes both from the element of control and the intoxicating feeling of exerting that over someone else. There is an incredible validation of mentally willing someone to do as I wish. There’s a power in having an action or opinion that is upheld. That translates into my everyday life as well. I’m sure of myself but also more aware of my own comfort levels. I have agency in the bedroom, yes. I can ask to be pleasured or voice my disinterest in certain activities. If I don’t want to do something, I can state that and have it respected. It could be as simple as someone telling me to Google something on my phone. I’m not a puppet and it has done wonders to desocialize gendered behaviors. As someone who was bullied for a laughable amount of years, my bullies would often coax me into following suit, becoming a sheep before I realized it myself. Yes, it’s about standing up for myself but it’s also about the awareness of my own thoughts and opinions.
What are some of the most harmful misconceptions about BDSM?
There is assumption that Domming = being mean, that the focus is on inflicting pain mentally or physically. Due to media influences, many believe they must go zero to sixty the first time they experiment with BDSM. That can be harmful twofold. Firstly, for unexperienced Dom/me’s wielding their power irresponsibly and also for scaring off potential subs from embracing their desires. There’s a very sweet side to humiliation that is overshadowed by the word “humiliation.” There’s more beneath the surface that one can only know of they are within the relationship. There is a certain care and patience involved in a Dominant getting to know their submissive, their boundaries and maintaining the ability to dance around and/or within them.
In your expert opinion, how does self-care in BDSM relationships different from vanilla ones?
I love all of the attention self-care is getting in vanilla world, but it’s more than just pedicures and bubble baths. Self-care is about introspection, checking in with yourself and understanding your feelings and needs. Within BDSM, aftercare and post-scene reflection are stressed for good reason. Sometimes we move so fast we lose sight of our psyche. Often time self-care, self-reflection requires solitude in order to process. I believe that the self care in BDSM is healthier in that we don’t unconsciously bury feelings as often as we would otherwise.
Fetish wrestling is still pretty new to us, but it sounds like SO MUCH FUN! For our readers who may not be familiar with it, could you share a little about what it is. How have you found it can enhance sexual encounters?
First things first: the fetish wrestling I do with clients is purely sport – for me. Fetish wrestling has been around longer than you know! It was never spoken about, though it’s really quite harmless. Sometimes it’s less wrestling and more lifting them over my head, strongwoman style. My clients are typically men who wish to be athletically overpowered by someone believably stronger. Men are thought to be the “stronger” sex, so a muscular woman dominating them becomes their taboo. Even moreso that musculature in women is becoming sexy, the taboo is all the more accessible. In short, I get to physically overpower men whilst I taunt them and for the large part – win. What’s not to like? I’m a competitive and athletic individual, so when I began learning Brazilian Jui Jitsu, I was hooked. BJJ isn’t about brute strength but focused on strategy and technique.I began using my learnings in the bedroom with lovers instinctually and found that it was not only fun to exhibit my strength but it was useful too! Standing up sex and transitions between positions were more fluid. Playfighting and aggression could be practiced in a safer environment. I had a partner who was a black belt BJJ instructor and he would put me in holds while he played with my naughty bits. I tend to shy away from submissive experiences or being held against my will and this was a middle ground that I enjoyed. Plus I find the act of squeezing something with my quads to be pretty damn satisfying.
You offer a variety of classes geared towards helping women take total control of their sex lives. What can participants expect, and how can they get signed up?
Society views and talks about male and female pleasure differently. It’s not uncommon for a woman to tell me she has never experiences an orgasm or does not masturbate on her own. Finding your own pleasure is the nucleus of any sexual exploration. If they are not familiar with this, it can breed a rabbit hole of ill-confidence. I offer a variety of classes with varying accessibility. Female only classes (Masturbation), lecture based classes (FemDom), coed (Erotic Massage). First and foremost I aim to make the environment safe for women, which many times means removing the male gaze. My goal is to make whatever the class topic is relatable and accessible, meaning it won’t scare people away and they’ll be able to leave with a few tools to put into practice immediately. Whenever we learn something there’s an expectation that we are going to be experts, when in reality it is a progression and part of that journey is learning about yourself. I schedule my classes a month out and can be found on my website (GoddessLolaJean.com) alternatively I’m open to class suggestions and offer one-on-one coaching for those not ready for a group environment.
How has your background in mental health guided your work as a sex coach?
My career in sex coaching and mental health are mutually beneficial to the other. Within my own mental health, I have anxiety and depression and understand the familiar struggles especially as the relate to sex and relationships. BDSM and agency over my sex life has done wonders for coping with prior trauma and insecurities. As a mental health professional I have a unique understanding of the subconscious and how to make individuals feel safe. I am lucky to receive training from some of the best therapists in the country. It is important to me that patients and clients come to conclusions and realization on their own volition. Part of my technique in mental health that I bring to sex coaching and BDSM is asking the right questions or withholding specific validations in order to get the client to a certain realization.
Do you have any upcoming projects we can look forward to?
I’m always debuting new classes and partnerships. A podcast which has been a long time in the making is on the horizon. Currently I’m formatting certain classes for the digital space as online courses. Expect a digital FemDom series and a Masturbation series up next! I’m continuing a series of essays which will be posted to my blog, as I continue to work on other writings for my novel. You can also keep up with me on Instagram @GoddessLolaJean.