Fingering someone isn’t supposed to be easy. You can barely see what you’re doing. You might be hitting the wrong spot or the right spot at the wrong time. Heck, your partner might even be wondering why they aren’t just doing this on their own. Unless you’ve got a vagina yourself, all you can really do is try to feel things out. No, it shouldn’t be easy – but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to do well.
For some couples, fingering is a means to an end – just another highly enjoyable step during foreplay. For others, finger sex is how a night of passion comes to a close – what a penis or a strap-on can’t do, a multi-jointed digit can. The activity is always more than just “a handjob for vaginas”, and we’re going to prove it to you. Let’s cover the basics.
1. Personal Preference
In a perfect world, this would go without saying, but this isn’t a perfect world, so here it is: everybody is different. If you want to finger that sexy, beautiful person the right way, you’re going to have to learn what they like and need. You can’t just rely on what you know about yourself, though that’s a good start. You have to experiment a little and might even have to ask.
The first time you’re fingering that certain somebody, pay very close attention to how they are reacting to what you’re doing to them. You’ve made out with them, you’ve, presumably, got to second base. How does this hottie kiss? Do they want their nipples pinched or bitten? Does bae need their ass spanked? Take mental notes on your way down, and by the time you get to the pussy, you’ll know if you’re heading for a finger-fucking or a gentle petting.
2. In or Out?
Fingering, really, is a name given to two separate activities that happen to take place right next door to one another. They often overlap, but don’t have to. When we talk about fingering, we are talking either in or out. ‘Out’ means rubbing the clitoris and the labia, and ‘in’ means the vagina and/or g-spot. Not everyone wants or needs both.
If you haven’t been able to figure out yet if your partner is an “outdoor” or an “indoor” kind of person, you might want to try to stealthily inquire how they like to touch their own body. Is she a dildo-ing aficionado? A vibrator on the clit lover? Do they get in the bath, press that shower head up to their clit, and go to town until the hot water runs out and their roommate is banging on the door? You should, at least in part, mimic how bae takes care of themself. If they need something inside to get the job done, then don’t be afraid to offer internal stimulation. If they like to be teased outside, give the vulva as much attention as it needs to get the job done.
3. Beating Around The Bush
How do you actually finger someone right once you’re up there? Well, you’ve got to move slowly. Before an errant digit venture inside, the vagina needs to be properly wet and ready for you, and that means build-up.
Rub the area around the clit at first, hard or soft depending on what your partner likes elsewhere on their body. Stroke your partner’s thighs, brush their sexy bits, move in closer to the prize, but be careful, even if you’re not gentle – these are pretty sensitive parts.
Once it’s time to start stimulating the clitoris (and this could take minutes or seconds), there are still a few ways to go. You can go for the clit directly, applying pressure to it with two or three fingers. From there, you might rub it in a circular fashion, up and down, or side to side – try them all and see what response it gets.
If your partner’s clit is too sensitive to be touched directly, you can still play around – massage the hood instead. Stroke the area just above the clit and after all, what you see is just the tip of the iceberg, and the long, sensitive organ extends deep into the body. Enough of it is barely beneath the skin’s surface, you can get a very strong reaction by applying pressure about an inch or so north of the clitoris.
4. An Inside Job
So let’s say the individual in question can’t finish without something nice and hard inside their vagina… then that’s just fine. You don’t need to have a penis or a dildo to give it to them – not when you’ve got five suitable and far more flexible substitutes on each hand. The same is true as before: start slow. Feel things out. Get the lay of the land. Oh, and trim your fingernails… if you wouldn’t claw your own vagina, you definitely don’t want to do it to someone else. That can’t be stressed enough!
As you’ve been rubbing your partner’s clit, you’ve probably dipped a finger just a little inside the vaginal opening. Now you’ve got to dip a little further – if your partner needs you to be rougher, this can still be done slowly: press hard, but keep your hand stiff so you never go too deep all at once. This isn’t just for building anticipation, you need to know what their pussy can take and what they need.
Just because you’ve got five fingers does not mean you’re going to use them all. It may work for you, but most folks won’t want more than two or three, even as you approach that magic moment. Starting with just one inside should be enough, then you can work up to anything more.
5. Flexible Fingers Make a Happy Vagina
So you’ve got a few fingers inside and they’re just hanging out. What now? Well, you’ve got options! The most basic technique is to mimic an in and out motion. When you’re fingering like this, keep the clit in mind. Rub it with your palm as you slide your fingers back and forth, and with your fingertips try to drag just a bit of the vagina’s inner walls with you.
You can also start looking for your partner’s g-spot. Imagine making a “come hither” motion with your fingers, and you’re bound to find something that stands out – a different texture, a raised bump, anything. As always, pay attention to what reactions you’re evoking – even if you can’t feel the spot, your hookup certainly will when you hit it!
Applying pressure to the g-spot is the number one way to stimulate it, but if you’re already finger-fucking, hit it with your fingertips on the way in; rub the clitoris with your palm on the way out. If your partner is liking this, you’ll probably want to speed up as time goes on, but once the climax is in sight, you want to stay, above all, consistent.