“Talk dirty to me.” Do those words make you instantly freeze up? Is the thought of dirty talk more terrifying to you than getting Ben Wa balls stuck in your vagina? (Trust us, that’s scary.)
If so, don’t fret about it, because this is one fear that’s easy to overcome. All you need is confidence and the right vocabulary to do the best seductive dirty talk for your partner.
Confidence is Key for Dirty Talk
As with any sexual skill, the secret to mastering dirty talk (or even just feeling comfortable with it) is confidence. Here are a few tips for finding your confidence:
- Your partner is already interested in hearing you talk dirty and is possibly even already having sex with you or in a relationship with you. This means your partner is already attracted to you, at least on some level. Don’t worry about scaring them off or ruining the moment by saying the wrong thing. If you mess up and say something stupid or too cheesy, you can laugh it off together and move on − sex is full of weird mishaps!
- Fake it ‘til you make it. Be enthusiastic! Pretend you have the confidence to say something and then say it; the only person who will know the difference is you. If you keep pretending you’re confident, pretty soon you will be!
- Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone a little. Stay authentic and genuine to how you’re really feeling, though. You never have to do something that makes you so uncomfortable you’re going to regret it, but feeling a little bit uncomfortable can be a good thing!
- In the words of Katy Perry: “If you’re presenting yourself with confidence, you can pull off pretty much anything.”
How to Talk Dirty
So, you’re feeling confident enough… but what do you say? Well, we have some dirty talk examples to get you started.
Start with something simple. Let your partner know that you want them. Try saying something like “I want you so bad,” or “I can’t wait to take your clothes off!” Starting the dirty talk early on may make you feel more comfortable to carry it on throughout foreplay and sex.
If you’re dirty talking during foreplay or over the phone, tell your partner what you want them to do to you and what you would do to them. Tell them what you’re aching for, what you can’t stop thinking about. You might even send a picture to show your eagerness.
Next, when your partner does something you like, tell them. Your partner wants that affirmation, especially if they’re still learning what you like. Say “that feels really good,” or even something simple and short like “don’t stop!”
Similarly, talk about what’s happening. If you want something to happen that you really enjoy, try saying “I love it when you…” or “do you like it when I…?”. Or you can come right out and say it – “I want to…” or “I’m going to…”.
Tell your partner if and when you’re about to orgasm. Your partner wants to know that all their hard work paid off in a big way and announcing your orgasm to them is a huge turn-on. The same goes for your partner. Give your partner some direction and request what you want by saying, “I want you to cum in/on my…”.
If there’s a special something that you know either you or your partner (or both!) really enjoy in bed or fantasize about, now is a good time to talk about it and bring it to life! Roleplay might be an easier way to step outside of your comfort zone and seduce your partner with sweet or raunchy dirty talk.
Name Calling in Dirty Talk
Say your partner’s name! It lets them know that even when you’re lost in ecstasy, first and foremost you’re still thinking of them. Your partner likes to know that they’re the reason you’re in pleasure.
Alternatively, find out if your partner likes to be called names in bed. Names can vary from the sweet, like “baby”, to the raunchy, like “cum slut”. Calling your partner names can be an easy way to inject some passion into your dirty talk.
Expanding Your Vocabulary
Once you’re comfortable with the idea of dirty talk and are used to some of the simple sentences already mentioned, it’s time to break out your dictionary. (Not actually. Unless you’re into that?) For a lot of people, what makes dirty talk so extremely hot is hearing their partner say things they wouldn’t normally say or words they wouldn’t regularly use.
Find out which words you and your partner are comfortable with and not, and which words turn you on faster than the speed of light. Doing this will take some trial and error, but it’s a fun and sexy trial and error!
If you already know that you’re not okay with certain words, tell your partner upfront and avoid any misunderstandings later.
Start out by using slang or swear words that you’re already familiar with and feel okay saying out loud. How does your partner react? How do you feel? Do either of you prefer some words over others (like dick vs. cock, or boobs vs. tits)?
Pay attention to what words your partner uses when talking to you. Ask your partner open-ended questions and listen to what kind of words they respond with.
How dirty is too dirty? Maybe “Suck my dick” is hot to you, but “Suck my dick, you filthy whore” is too much. With time, you’ll discover your boundaries. If you know you’re both experimenting, try not to be too offended at something your partner says if it crosses the line. Instead, gently and calmly tell your partner that what they just said was too much, hurtful, or made you feel uncomfortable.
Use adjectives! (For those of you who didn’t play Mad Libs as a child, an adjective is a “describing word”.) Adjectives are like Sriracha sauce for dirty talk –they add more heat to something that’s already delicious. Some equations you can try:
- “Fuck me” + adjectives = “Fuck me hard and fast”
- “I’m going to get your dick wet” + adjectives = “I’m going to get your dick dripping wet and so slippery”
Finally, feel free to use “fuck” (and “fucking”) liberally. Use it as a noun, an exclamation, a verb, an adjective, or any other way you can think of!
If you’ve been stuck wondering how to talk dirty, confidence and a starting vocabulary can take you far. You don’t need to turn the volume up on your porn to learn what good dirty talk is – porn dialogue might even be too unrealistic for you or your partner. Do what feels right, and talk about it!
