“Talk dirty to me…”
Do you freeze up upon hearing your partner utter those words? Is the thought of it more terrifying to you than a thousand flying monkeys? Is nothing more awkward for you than trying to say something sexy? If so, don’t fret about it, because this is one fear that’s easy to overcome.
Confidence is Key
As with any sexual skill, the secret to mastering dirty talk (or even just feeling comfortable with it) is confidence. Here are a few tips for finding your confidence:
- Your partner is already interested in hearing you talk dirty, and is possibly even already having sex with you or in a relationship with you. This means your partner is already attracted to you, at least on some level. Don’t worry about scaring them off or ruining the moment by saying the wrong thing. If you mess up and say something stupid or too cheesy, you can laugh it off together and move on − sex is full of weird mishaps!
- Fake it ‘til you make it. Be enthusiastic! Pretend you have the confidence to say something and then say it; the only person who will know the difference is you. If you keep pretending you’re confident, pretty soon you will be!
- Don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone a little. Stay authentic and genuine to how you’re really feeling though. You never have to do something that makes you so uncomfortable you’re going to regret it but feeling a little bit uncomfortable can be a good thing!
- In the words of Katy Perry: “If you’re presenting yourself with confidence, you can pull off pretty much anything.”
How to Begin:
Start with something simple.
- Let your partner know that you want them:
- “I want you so bad.”
- “I can’t wait to take your clothes off!”
- If your partner does something you like, tell them:
- “That feels really good/nice/amazing!”
- Talk about what’s happening:
- “I love it when you (what your partner is doing) !”
- “Do you like it when I (what you’re doing) ?”
- “I want to (what you want to do to your partner) .”
- “I’m going to (tell them what you’re about to do) .”
- “I want you to cum in/on my (wherever you’d like your partner to orgasm) !”
- Tell your partner if and when you’re about to orgasm. Your partner wants to know that all their hard work paid off in a big way and announcing your orgasm to them is a huge turn-on.
- If you’re dirty talking during foreplay or over the phone / through text, tell your partner what you want them to do to you OR what you would do to them. You can say things that are very similar to the examples above, except that they aren’t actually happening as you speak.
- If there’s a special something that you know either you or your partner (or both!) really enjoy in bed or fantasize about, now is a good time to talk about it!
Say your partner’s name! It lets them know that even when you’re lost in ecstasy, first and foremost you’re still thinking of them. Your partner likes to know that they’re the reason you’re in pleasure. Alternatively, find out if your partner likes to be called names in bed. Names can vary from the sweet, like “baby”, to the raunchy, like “cum slut”. Calling your partner names can be an easy way to inject some passion into your dirty talk.
Expanding Your Vocabulary
Once you’re comfortable with the idea of dirty talk and are used to some of the simple sentences already mentioned, it’s time to break out your dictionary. (Not actually. Unless you’re into that?) For a lot of people, what makes dirty talk so extremely hot is hearing their partner say things they wouldn’t normally say or words they wouldn’t regularly use.
- Find out which words you and your partner are comfortable with and not, and which words turn you on faster than the speed of light. Doing this will take some trial and error, but it’s fun and sexy trial and error!
- If you already know that you’re not okay with certain words, tell your partner upfront and avoid any misunderstandings later.
- Start out by using slang or swear words that you’re already familiar with and feel okay saying out loud. How does your partner react? How do you feel? Do either of you prefer some words over others (like dick vs. cock, or boobs vs. tits)?
- Pay attention to what words your partner uses when talking to you. Ask your partner open-ended questions and listen to what kind of words they respond with.
- How dirty is too dirty? Maybe “Suck my dick” is hot to you, but “Suck my dick, you filthy whore” is too much. With time, you’ll discover your boundaries. If you know you’re both experimenting, try not to be too offended at something your partner says if it crosses the line. Instead, gently and calmly tell your partner that what they just said was gross, hurtful, or made you feel uncomfortable.
- Use adjectives! (For those of you who didn’t play Mad Libs as a child, an adjective is a “describing word”.) Adjectives are like Sriracha sauce for dirty talk –they add more heat to something that’s already delicious:
- “Fuck me” + adjectives = “Fuck me hard and fast”
- “I’m going to get your dick wet” + adjectives = “I’m going to get your dick dripping wet and so slippery”
- Feel free to use “fuck” (and “fucking”) liberally. Use it as a noun, an exclamation, a verb, an adjective, or any other way you can think of!
The Four C’s
To sum everything up, just remember the four C’s: confident, comfortable, compliments, and cuss words.