When it comes to someone you know and have been with for a while, it’s easy to be a considerate and caring lover because you’re with a person you have feelings for on an emotionally deep level. However, when it comes to casual encounters, it’s easy to forget this and focus on just your pleasure. That shouldn’t be the case. Not only is it important to be caring and considerate, but it also makes you a better partner.

For example, let’s say you plan to meet for sex now with someone you’ve met online, have a couple of drinks and head straight to a hotel room. It’s not long after the evening starts that you realize the person you’re with has taken a much more selfish turn. This could start out with something small, like them not asking where you’d like to go for a drink or talking about themselves all the time. Or it could be a bigger issue, like not respecting your boundaries. The fact of the matter is, you’ll come across these people whether you’re casually dating or looking for the one – and it can ruin the entire experience.

So, if you want to avoid being “that person”, or want to know some red flags to look for to see if someone might be a selfish or fabulous lover – keep the tips below in mind!

Be Considerate & Listen

This is probably the most important tip for being a good lover. Be considerate and make sure you take the time to listen to the other person. The best thing to do is to ask them what they like and what they want to do. This will not only make you come across as a good, caring person, but it will also give you information which will help you to be as good of a date as you can be. Ultimately, the best lovers are also the best listeners.

Be Yourself & Set Boundaries

Just because you can be a good listener doesn’t mean that you don’t have a voice. You should always make sure that you also get heard. Be yourself and don’t be afraid to talk about yourself and what you want to do. Don’t overdo it in the “me, me, me” department (as said previously), but don’t be absolutely silent during the whole date either. People enjoy when you have confidence, as it shows that you can take control of the situation, and it makes feel like they are in good hands.

Have Fun

People expect many different things from a lover, from being romantic to being totally spontaneous. But one big constant is a lover’s ability to entertain and have fun. So, without overdoing it, at least make sure you can have a good time, whether it’s on your date or in the bedroom. If you can show your friends a good time, chances are you will also be able to provide your date with some entertaining moments.

Practice Makes Perfect

Being good in the bedroom depends on a lot of factors, but really, practice makes perfect. This doesn’t mean that you have to be most experienced sexual master, but it helps if you know what you are good at and not so good at doing in bed. Knowing what you enjoy as well as what your partner wants will really help. Most of this is more psychological than physical; you don’t need to be a Kama Sutra expert. Instead, you just need to know that you can pull off a few tricks which will make you and your partner happy.

Take Care Of Yourself

If you want to be a great lover, make sure you take the time to look after yourself. This doesn’t mean that you should appear perfect or smell like roses, nor does it imply that you have to look and be a specific way to be a good lover. Love doesn’t discriminate and everyone deserves to be the best lover they can be. Just know that if you can take care of yourself, it shows that you can probably be good at taking care of others, and this will make your dating partners much more comfortable.


Ultimately, being a good lover isn’t like competitive sports: you can never be the best. People are unique and they look for different things in a lover. The truth is, most of it evolves around being a considerate person with a dash of confidence, mixed with a few drops of experience and adventure. The result of that cocktail is a person who others feel comfortable being with, one who can provide a few laughs and show a good time along the way.