Somehow becoming friends with your ex has become synonymous with being ‘mature’. If you two split amicably, why not be friends with your ex, right? Sometimes I see friends struggle with a split because they feel the pressure to immediately stay friends with their exes. It’s not always for the best.  

1. All’s Well That Ends Well? NOT!

It rarely ends well. You see them with someone else too soon, you end up sleeping together, they still want a relationship and can’t handle the breakup, or they really have shifted to friendship mode and you’re still hoping that something will come out of it. Although a lot of women try to shift to friendship mode in an effort to be nice, the truth is that the majority of men simply don’t want this. It rubs it in their face that the romantic relationship failed and they (wisely) just want to move on to greener pastures. Break-ups are hard, but prolonging the agony by keeping a connection with your ex is generally harder and just adds insult to injury.


2. Just Say NO To Sex With The Ex!

The worst thing to do is to have sex with your ex. You think you’re over it so it’s ok.  If you and your ex had awesome sexual chemistry, having sex again is familiar and can be oh-so-yummy. They know every which way you like it and gives it to you good – especially since you know it’s kinda forbidden. Forbidden sex is super hot! Then the next day comes and you realize you’re not actually over it or they’re not over you and things get real messy real quick. Or maybe you continue the relationship for a while longer because the sex was so good and then end up breaking up… again. “Wash-Rinse-Repeat” is a great motto for washing hair, but not so much for post-breakup sex.


3. Just Plain Horny? Consider the Zipless Fuck

If your motivation to have sex with your ex is mostly driven by your libido, this might be your solution. In her novel Fear Of Flying, Erica Jong coined the term “zipless fuck,” which soon entered the popular lexicon. A “zipless fuck” is defined as a sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement, commitment, or ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons. Erica explains: “It is “zipless” because when you come together, zippers fall away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff. For the true ultimate zipless A-1 fuck, it was necessary that you never got to know the man very well.” That approach may seem “slutty”, but sometimes it’s good for the soul and libido to embrace your slutty side!


4. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Sometimes the relationship itself is a bad one – like if it was abusive. Many women who were in an abusive relationship have friends who will them the mature thing to do would be to remain friends with your ex. You may have put up with a lot throughout the relationship, but when it ended, you were ready to break up and never speak again. And you probably shouldn’t.


5. Unbinding Old Ties

So now what? It’s been 12 years and you’ve kept your distance. You’re not Facebook friends, don’t follow them on Twitter and have even stopped talking to the people who told you to keep him as a friend. Some people just don’t deserve to be your friend. There is often guilt that comes with not being friends with your ex. Look at it this way: you have no obligation to be friends with anyone.

A friend of mine shared with me an epiphany she had about a situation she was going through. She was friends with a girl who she couldn’t get along with, and then one day she thought, “I don’t have to be friends with this person!!” I know it sounds silly and simple but a lot of times it doesn’t seem like un-friending someone is an option. It’s almost baffling.


6. Back To The Ol’ Ex

Why decide to be friends with an ex? If they treated you badly if you need time to get over them, if you just don’t feel like it, then don’t. You have no obligation to be friends with them and it’s probably better for both of you to give each other space. I mean, you’re broken up, obviously, something wasn’t working. Break-ups are hard enough. You don’t have to add the confusion of ‘being friends’ to that as well. Sometimes, not being friends with your ex is the more mature thing to do.