So, you’ve found the festival man of your dreams at Camp Bisco, and managed to stay attached at the hip long enough to dance back to your campsite, share a keystone light, and let the real magic begin. But, before you smash and dash with this festival hottie under the moonlight, keep in mind a few hook-up tips from our etiquette goodie bag to make sure this festival fling runs smoothly, and maybe even turns into a repeat hook up next year. If you’re preparing on hooking up at a camping festival, know what to do and what to take first!
Privacy IS Possible
In the heat of the moment, when you’re swept up by passion, or the scent of his pheromones sweating through his fitted tee, laying down in any open area may seem like a tempting idea. After all, festivals are one of the few places where you can truly express yourself, and celebrate free love as the hippies intended. But, the hippies never imagined a world where your short lived casual encounter could be broadcasted eternally on YouTube, or simply just become another fantasy in some stranger’s spank bank. A little PDA here and there is fine, and perfectly fits into the free spirited festival philosophy. But be respectful to yourself, and the people around you, and keep your daisy dukes on long enough to make it back to your campsite. You have a tent, and he has a tent. Use it! And if your tent is occupied or unusable, you can still maintain privacy. Sneak away to a beautiful hillside nook in the forest, where you can freely get it on in the serenity of nature, away from public eye and nosy festival voyeurs.
Keep It Clean
As anyone in their right mind could tell you, campsites and nature aren’t necessarily the most sterile places to get it on. But, sometimes our common sense can be blurred, especially during the excitement of a festival like Camp Bisco. So, I’m here to be that little voice in your head reminding you to KEEP IT CLEAN. With 3 full days of dancing, and few opportunities to take a shower, your sweat glands and pores will be having a field day. Literally. So, for the sake of your health and general hookup happiness, take some time clean yourself and your hook up area. A gallon of water is your best friend when it comes to keeping clean. Use it to take a partial shower, not just before your moment of passion, but each day of the festival, or whenever you feel you need one. You can even create a pump system for better coverage and control, and bring an environment friendly soap to get sudsy. Also make sure you bring feminine and baby wipes; step 2 in making up for the lack of traditional showers. Sanitary wipes can help bring your cleanliness the rest of the way when you need a quick fix, or for some harder to reach spots. We recommend All Purpose Feminine Wipes. They’re hypo-allergenic, anti-microbial, and safe for your sensitive areas. Finally, Lay down a fresh towel or tapestry to keep dust and dirt away from your lady bits. Having a barrier between you and the ground is the first step to assuring that your hookup will start out smoothly.
Just like he’s not using his real name, he’s probably not too open about his STD status either. Not saying festival hookups are dangerous, but unsafe sex is dangerous with anyone, anywhere, at any time. Use a condom to keep yourself safe from unwanted consequences, and stay regret-free after these 3 magic days end, and you’re back to reality. Plus, using protection will also keep you clean throughout Camp Bisco. The last thing you want is to feel itchy, gross, or slimy down there for the next two days. Keep the mess of your hookup contained, and don’t keep it lingering with you for days to come.
No Whiskey-or-Whatever-Else Dick
“Too Drunk to Fuck” was a punk rock anthem, and although punk might be dead, the message certainly is not. Being too fucked up isn’t fun for anyone, and he’ll go from a being 9.5 to a 0 in .045 seconds. Festivals are a short glimpse of the good life, and the last thing you need while exploring your freedom is a guy who went a little too overboard with his. Whiskey dick, stimulant dick, or whatever-the-fuck-else he’s on (dick), is absolutely nothing you want to be a part of. Trust me. Better to go home alone than spend a half hour trying to work with a wet noodle, wake up a stranger, or worst of all, tend to a puking crybaby, all while you’re looking for any way to get out of this mess, FAST, without any further communication. And, if he’s at your tent, you’ll have to explain to your friends who this rando is and clean up his mess in the morning. So not worth it. If he’s falling over on the way back to your campsite, take a detour and drop him off at his. You have better guys to do than those who can’t handle themselves or their liquor, and plenty nights left at Camp Bisco to find someone worth your time.
Finally, our single best piece of advice is to…
Invite Your Best Friend
It’s Camp Bisco, after all, and you brought your YOLO tank top for a reason.
Are you going to Camp Bisco? Comment below, and we’ll meet you there!
Check out Part 1: Finding the (Festival) Man of Your Dreams
James Krautner Photography
Twicsy via Tumblr
Calder Wilson Photography
Originally published on June 18, 2013.