If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard women described as ‘intimidating’, I’d finally be able to buy myself a Birkin. I am loud (and probably a little annoying), and I’m very open, and that’s okay. Outgoing and confident women often possess qualities that they should be proud of, only to have them pinpointed as reasons as to why they are single.

Do confidence and success really scare men off? Why are women always told not to come off ‘too strong’? Are we at risk of emasculating our male counterparts? I call bullshit. Pop culture encourages women to bat their eyelashes and wear passive lip gloss instead of bold lipstick to draw in a suitor. Bill Clinton cheated on (the highly successful) Hillary with Monica, an intern. SATC‘s Big married Natasha over Carrie. The examples are countless.

Own Your Independence

Independence is an attractive trait in both sexes, but how is this defined by women? What exactly is being independent? Fending for yourself? Remembering to switch on the dishwasher and separate colors from whites? Is that independence? Changing your own light bulbs? Mowing your own lawn? Exercising all the chores that typically a man would do? I support any woman for shouting from the rooftops that they ‘don’t need a man’. And I’m pretty damn certain they don’t. The majority can absolutely take care of themselves, and should they stumble across a hurdle that proves difficult to conquer; then thank God for amazing friends and great vibrators. Even so, why should anyone’s self-proclaimed independence repel men?

If successful and confident women really do intimidate guys – it’s through no fault of our own. We are products of our environment. It just so happens our contemporary environment is the result of a feminist revolution that’s developed in all aspects of our lives. In short – we’ve gradually been persuaded that as a group, we do not need men. We need men to fertilize our eggs and change the TV channel when we’re too lazy to lift an arm, but at the end of the day – men are not a necessity, they are a luxury.

Forward Thinking

It’s the twenty-first century, and women have come a long way. We’re beginning to surpass men in many areas. We have more college degrees, better grades in general and single women in many parts of America have higher earnings than their male counterparts and it is estimated that by 2025, more than half the primary breadwinners in America will be women. However, there will forever be men, regardless of how much time has passed, who hold up the male chauvinism glory days of the 1950s as the golden social model.

A successful woman knows her worth. She knows what she deserves and knows she shouldn’t have to settle for second best. Women are smart enough now to have picked up on the fact that some men tend to favor less accomplished ‘easier’ women, and in turn, some women have begun to use independence as a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt or betrayed.

Know want you from a man, and do not be afraid to chase after it. And when I say chase, I mean hunt it down like your prey. A smart girl who knows what she’s looking for? What exactly is unattractive about that sentence?! She sounds great! But again, maybe that’s from a women’s perspective.

Maybe men fear that successful women wouldn’t be able to balance their time between personal and business matters? Well, I can assure you this is not the case. She who juggles a successful career maintains relationships and sustains social life is the ‘it’ woman. Sexy, sophisticated, and successful. To conclude – if what you have, or are capable of doing, scares a man off, how is it fair for a man to deem your unfaltering drive as anything less than a celebration?

Big chose Natasha over our gal Bradshaw to feel like more of a man. A real (and hard to come by) man is supportive and understanding, even if that means standing in your shadow once in a while. Successful and outgoing women – don’t ever apologize for your successes or confidence. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. It’s better and healthier to be alone than to be in an inadequate relationship.