As young, wide-eyed high schoolers desperately trying to get our parents out of the house long enough for our boyfriends to find the clit, we all look to college as a magical time of sexual freedom and exploration. Unfortunately, a high school diploma does not a bona-fide sexpert make, and oftentimes that freedom and exploration take the form of hookups both weird and regrettable. Below, a list of some of the guys you have sex with in college. Most of these guys probably won’t give you an orgasm, but at least they’ll give you a story to tell at brunch with your roommates the next day.
1. The Guy from Orientation
You two bonded over something during day one of orientation. Maybe his band t-shirt revealed you two were at the same concert two summers ago. Or maybe you two spent the whole honor code lecture making fun of your orientation leader. He might not have been that cute, but you two already have so many inside jokes and you haven’t yet figured out that the best way to cement a new friendship isn’t always to take your pants off. The sex was nothing remarkable, but hey, you’re in college doing the thing college students do! The next day, the two of you make the mistake of sitting next to each other during the consent lecture. It’s awkward and you never talk again, but you still sometimes see each other around campus and avoid eye contact.
2. The First Guy to Buy You a Drink
Everyone on your floor pooled together and got fake IDs and now it’s your first time out a real bar. Less than an hour in, a guy buys you a drink and before it even gets there, he asks if you want to leave with him. You say yes because you assume he’s older (even though he could very well also have a fake ID) and head back to campus for some mediocre dorm room sex. The whole night is just a colossal waste of that perfect bar outfit you spent all day picking out. You learn then and there that when a guy offers to buy you a drink you say “yes”, take the drink, and leave.
3. The Guy Your Sort-of Friend Sort of Had a Thing With
Sure, you’d never go near a guy your bestie even had her eyes on. But you and this guy are really hitting it off at a party when you remember that your roommate’s friend who you’ve gotten dinner with, like, twice used to hook up with him. As far as you know, they’re done now, but you’re not sure if you still have an obligation to uphold girl code here. Unfortunately, you don’t keep a copy of the Official Girl Code Handbook on you at all times and the council won’t be able to assemble for another week. Since the jury’s still out, you decide to head home …with the guy. Hey, it’s college, every woman for herself. You’re not gonna miss out on a potential orgasm (or soulmate) just to protect some girl who you know passed out on your bed without asking, that weekend you were out of town.
4. The Guy You Got Walked-in On With
Of all the guys you have sex with in college, this is the one you’ll remember the least about. It doesn’t matter who he is or how you met. The only thing you will remember from this hookup is that you got walked in on. Probably by his roommate. You tried to grab the blankets to cover yourself, and your ever-so-chivalrous fuck buddy promptly fought you for them. You try to reason with him that he is this guy’s roommate so they’ve probably already seen each other naked, to which he replies defensively, “What, no way dude, that’s gay.” Needless to say, you two never hook up again, but you and his roommate are still pretty good friends.
5. The Guy Who Doesn’t Go Here
Maybe he’s a friend’s friend from high school who’s visiting for the weekend. Or maybe you’re the friend who meets someone while visiting a friend’s school. Either way, this guy doesn’t go here and that air of mystery automatically makes him hotter than any guy you’ve hooked up with at your own school. You’ll never run into this guy in the dining hall totally hungover and sans makeup. He hasn’t heard that bizarre rumor (and/or totally true embarrassing story) about you from freshman year. Most importantly, you’ll never receive the unpleasant surprise of finding out you’ve been sitting next to his ex-girlfriend in econ all semester. You two will have one beautiful (or just okay) night together, after which you condescendingly tell all your friends that you now only hook up with guys outside of school because it’s way less drama.
6. The Guy You Actually Really Liked
Your whole first semester of college, you thought you were immune to heartbreak. You had conquered your high school obsession with “having a boyfriend” and had fully committed to the joys of no-commitment. Until this guy. You two started swapping jokes during class one day and before you knew it, you were texting day and night, and getting dinner together on the reg. When you finally hooked up one night after a party, it really felt like the start of something. When you didn’t hear from him the next day, you started to get worried. A few more days, and few too many panicked texts later, and you realized he officially ghosted you. You remind yourself you’ve been through actual breakups way worse than this, but it still hurts. A lot.
7. Your First College Boyfriend
You’ve had your share of hookups, good, bad, and humiliating. You had no intentions of slowing down, but this guy just did something right. Whether your hookups slowly turned to more or you two waited for a special night, the sex is good. Not necessarily in and of itself, but good because it’s about so much more than just sex. You have a partner who (hopefully) cares about you and your pleasure. He isn’t the be-all-end-all goal of your college sex life, but he helps you realize that monogamy doesn’t have to kill or constrain your sexuality. In fact, it should do the opposite.
