You finally went on a date with that adorable person you met at the bar. You two had an amazing time, and are moving forward in your relationship. You can’t wait for them to meet your best friends and know that they will love them. All goes well, and you’re confident they’re perfect for you. Then, you prompt your friends with the question, “So, how do you like them?” – You expect an “Oh my god, they have killer eyes.” or a “How is that person’s still single?! Snatch them up!” but instead, you get a “They’re alright, I guess.” or a “Move on to the next one”. You are confused, disappointed, and a bit offended – because the person who you thought was partner material did not impress your friends. So, what the heck do you do now?
Whether he’s your current partner, future partner, or just some person you think is cute – here are some reasons your friends may not be “into them”, see if their feelings are valid for any reason, and find some ways to get them on board if you’re confident that they’re great.
1. Ask Them Why.
These are your besties. They want you to be happy, and to find a match suited for you. So, you probably are incredibly confused. You think they’re a good match and really like them – yet, your friends are not a fan. You will probably start doubting your judgment altogether, and your relationship, if you don’t ask them why they have a problem with them. It could be something silly like they think this person has an annoying laugh – or something more serious like they don’t get the vibe that this person respects you. They will appreciate that you care about what they think. They might even tell you that they’ll overlook the flaws if you two are really committed.
2. Consider Their Feelings.
At the end of the day, your friends want what is best for you. Listen to their opinions with an open mind, and don’t shut them down right away. You may not recognize a flaw or downfall until your friends bring it to your attention. Don’t blow up at them. Don’t get too defensive. That will only cause them to resent you for your choices and not want to spend time around you.
It’s best to handle the situation in a calm and respectful way. Make sure you let them know that you acknowledge what they are saying and appreciate their comments. Say “That’s a good point”, “I appreciate your input”, or “Thanks for your honesty” if you don’t completely agree with them. Sure, your friends want what is best for you – but don’t let them control your life. If you really like this person and believe that you have a future together, nothing your friends say should change your mind.
3. They Are Worried.
As the girl who has been single for forever, my friends were worried about me and cautious when I brought home my current partner. Early on, this person wanted to take me to Boston for my birthday and wanted me to meet his friends next weekend. I agreed. My friends were concerned we were moving too fast. It wasn’t that they didn’t like this person; they just didn’t want me to end up hurt.
Your friends might be worried that you will get hurt, or you won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, or anything else negative that could happen. It’s normal and it’s a good thing. They care about you and want you to be happy. They will be there for you when you have to pick up the pieces, but they don’t want you to be heartbroken. Some of these anxieties and worries may go away once they get to know more. The best way to show them that he is partner material is for them to spend time with this person. They will hopefully see the side you see.
4. Is It Jealousy?
Jealousy is a terrible thing. Some people allow it to destroy relationships and friendships. Someone may be jealous that you’re in a relationship, or about your partner’s qualities, that you are happy, or simply wishes you were still single so they could have a single buddy. Whatever the reason, jealousy brings out the worst in people. It causes them to be selfish, hurtful, and destructive. There is not much you can do when you suspect that jealousy is a factor. Try spending time with your friend, and telling them that your partner will never come in between you two. Show that your relationship isn’t perfect and that they have noting to be jealous about! You could also try spending extra time together, making them feel extra special and appreciated.
5. Clue Them In.
Your friends don’t see what happens behind closed doors. They don’t read over your shoulder as you receive those cute texts, or listen in on those long talks you have. They don’t know your common interests and don’t see the side of your love interest that you see. They only know what you tell them, and if you’re complaining about this person most of the time, they’re going to assume they’re pretty awful. Let them know what you like about this person, and what happens behind closed doors. You’ll clue them into a side of this person and your relationship that they haven’t seen before, and they may be more apt to accept them once they learn how committed you are to each other. They’ll start to see all the little things you love, and the things this person does to show respect and appreciation.
6. Find Common Ground.
Your friends may not like your partner because they don’t have common interests to connect on. Try finding common ground, things to talk about, and group activities that make a conversation easy. Try watching a sports game, playing drinking games, or doing something unique with lots of people. They will get the chance to see this person in a different setting and see that they fit into the group nicely. If finding common ground is impossible, try slowly introducing common interests. Bring up the topic of puppies, and give the opportunity to talk about his dog. Why doesn’t this person love puppies? Once you get going, finding common ground may be easier than you think.
7. Talk It Over.
Though it may seem like a terrible idea at the time, having a conversation with your partner may be the right move. If their dislike is caused by a little reason that can easily be changed, you can clue them into what’s happening and develop a solution. Once you fix the problem, your besties will be more on board. If this person really likes you and is really worth it, they will likely do whatever it takes to gain their support (if it’s reasonable and presented in a constructive way). Talking and gauging reactions will also show you a lot about your partner and your relationship. You should feel comfortable talking with your partner about anything and everything, even if it’s something they may not want to hear. Everyone should be respectful. If it’s not, that’s a sign!
8. Decide If This Person Is Worth It.
If you’ve tried all of these suggestions and your friends still hate this person, what can you do? Now, it’s your turn to make a decision. You need to decide if this person is worth it. Do your friends have some really valid reasons for disliking them? Are they seeing some red flags that you’re missing? Is it worth getting into a new relationship, knowing that your friends do not approve? If you do take the risk and stay together, your friends will eventually realize that you two are serious and they aren’t going anywhere. It may be awkward moving forward. If you do want to break it off, make sure you have a good reason for the split. Don’t just break up because your friends hate them – only if there’s a reason and it will seriously impact your relationship.
9. Live Your Life.
It is your life. Don’t let your friends control who you can and cannot see. Stand your ground, listen to them respectfully, and be polite. Ultimately, it’s your decision. If you want to be with this person, be with them. If you think your friends are right end it. It’s not an easy decision to make, so don’t let your friends have all the say. Weigh the pros and cons, and keep an open mind. Keep your partner in the loop with what’s happening. From time to time, people might surprise you. They might be willing to change their opinions and feelings about somebody, especially the more time they spend together. Try to spend time together and facilitate positive interactions, though not forced. Ultimately, have fun and love who you want to love!