Say you’re in a long distance relationship, or maybe you and your guy are on the road too much. Phone sex is an excellent way to keep the spark alive, connect emotionally, oh and fuck yeah… it can be hot. Here’s some advice on dirty talk from an actual phone-sex worker to help make your LDR sch-wing!

1. Keep Calm and Carry On

The first bit of advice: Relax. If he gets to hear you come, and he came too, then you’re doing just fine. Don’t overthink, or try to weave overcomplicated scenarios. You don’t have to be Scheherazade, just talk. Remember that he finds what you say incredibly hot. You’re a slutty girl, and yeah… you really turn him on. Just leap right in and describe scenarios. Trust me, you won’t disappoint him.

When you talk dirty and push the limits of what you feel comfortable doing, there are going to be some moments that feel really awkward or uncomfortable. Just go past it, learn to get lost in it, and don’t judge yourself or withdraw. An unabashed attitude and absence of inhibition will make you one of the best partners your guy has ever had.

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2. Tease Him to Please Him

Start exactly how you would actually start in the bedroom: teasing. Run your fingers down his chest. Play with his thighs. Brush your fingers across his cock, then dance them away. Gradually build up to slowly start jerking him off. Talk about how good his cock feels in your hand, and how much you can’t wait to have it inside you. Talk about what you love about his cock—like the ridge around his head—while you continue to talk about pumping him up and down. Then tell him you are going down on him… tease him with your tongue before wrapping your lips around him.

The point is to play it out exactly how you would actually tease him and then fuck him in real life. Start slow, lots of build up, and get dirtier and more descriptive as you go on. Lead his arousal from beginning to end. And one of the biggest things that are arousing to someone is to hear how much they turn on their partner, hence adding spice through your response, desire, and physical reaction to his body and his arousal.

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3. Escalate

It might advance to you talking about straddling him, letting the tip of his cock rub against you and feel just how wet you are. Let him know, throughout all this, how turned on you are and how he makes you incredibly wet. Just keep building and building until he comes.

4. Dirty Talk PhraseBook

Some girls tell me that they aren’t sure what to say for dirty talk. I ask, What turns you on? What turns your significant other on? Phone sex is a fun way to play out fantasies.

What’s the dynamic: is he turned on when he gets to be sexually dominant or does it make him hard when you take charge? Who’s the “top” and who’s the “bottom”? For your word choice, how dirty is too dirty for your relationship? Is that even a consideration? Phone sex can be an excellent fantasy lab. Experiment. 

Here’s a little phrase book to build your “dirty talk” fluency.

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5. Flirty Dirty

“Flirty Dirty” is for foreplay and for guys who aren’t really comfortable with the dirty stuff, for whatever reason.

ROLE: You’re the Top

  • I know you’ve been thinking about doing/fucking/tasting me all day
  • Come here and kiss/lick/bite me (point to the appropriate area)
  • You’re getting hard thinking about touching/licking/fucking me, aren’t you?
  • You’re hot, but I’m gonna make you work for this
  • I know what you want, but I want you to ask/tell/beg me to give it to you
  • You’re mine tonight babe/baby/love/[his name], and I’m going to fuck/suck/work you hard
  • Good boy, just like that/you make me feel soo good/keep working it like that

ROLE: You’re the Bottom

  • You’ve been getting me all worked up/horny/wet
  • God, I’ve been thinking about you all day
  • I can’t wait to feel you against/inside me
  • I love it when you look at me like that
  • Oh god, I want you/this so bad
  • I’m yours tonight baby/[his name]
  • I want you to take/fuck/use me like I’m your good girl
  • Oh baby/[his name], oh that feels so good/great/awesome
  • Oh, I love feeling you inside me/on top of me

6. Down and Dirty

You can up the ante if you know your guy is into it and you are both pushing it at the moment. What makes dirty talk “Down and Dirty”  is the unabashed use of explicit words and descriptions. Pro tip: If you hesitate before you say a word like “pussy” because it’s not how you usually talk and you feel embarrassed, the effect will be somewhat diminished.

ROLE: You’re the Top

  • Get down there and lick my pussy
  • Tell me how good that pussy tastes/how wet I am/how hard I’ve made your cock
  • Keep going, suck that clit/lick that pussy/fuck me … harder/faster/slower/gentler
  • Keep going, make me come with your mouth/tongue/cock
  • Look me in the eyes; I’m gonna suck that cock so good… but I want you to beg me for it/but if you look away I stop
  • Get behind me/on top/on your knees and fuck my pussy till I come
  • You like it? You like that tight/wet/hot/little pussy? Tell me how much you love it.
  • Lick this clean, baby/[his name] (finger yourself then hold out your hand… hot!)
  • Stand up and fuck my face/mouth/pussy
  • Give me that cum, I want to taste it
  • That’s it baby/[his name], good job, keep working that pussy/cock

ROLE: You’re the Bottom

  • I want to/please can I suck your cock?
  • Oh god, fuck me harder/don’t stop/give me that cock
  • Baby/[his name], oh god, I’m gonna come, I’m coming!/can I come?
  • Oh god, I can’t take it, oh don’t stop! please don’t stop!
  • My pussy’s so wet/you feel so huge/fill me up with that cock!
  • Fuck me baby/love/[his name], use me like your dirty/filthy/good little girl
  • I want to feel you come inside me/fill me up/fuck me raw!
  • Fuck my pussy/do whatever you want to me/fuck me however you want, I want/need it bad!
  • Oooh, you’re so big/huge/good, you’re making me wet/come/shake
  • Fuck me harder/faster, make my tits bounce!

Practice makes it easier, so start small with simple phrases and work up to the big ones. It might sound silly at first, but it comes easier after awhile. (See what I did there.) Have fun, and enjoy the journey with each other.